Fix You
by Dahlia J Black
Summary: ON HIATUS AU/New Moon. Parallel storylines: Bella and Jacob fall in love and struggle through his transformation together. Meanwhile, Edward is tracking Victoria in the Amazon but encounters a mysterious girl who might change everything.
1. I Caught Myself

**Chapter 1**

**I Caught Myself**

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**A/N: **This chapter starts off in Chapter 9 of New Moon (Third Wheel) and then combines with Chapter 16 (Paris). Some canon quotes are used. No copyright infringement is intended by the use of this text and I do not claim it as my own, it merely provides a familiar starting point in order to set the scene. Thereafter the storyline diverges.

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters or settings portrayed therein. They are the creation and property of Stephenie Meyer, who is infinitely more awesome than me. I just like to play with them every once in a while.**

Do yourself a favor and listen to the soundtrack:

I Caught Myself – Paramore

It Ends Tonight – All American Rejects

Kissing You – Des'ree

Thank you to my soul sisters who inspire me more than they will ever know.

Major thank you to Hopeful Wager, my beta of awesomeness. I wouldn't choose anyone above her to hold my hand through this journey.

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Jacob pulled the Rabbit into my front drive and cut the engine. He let out a sigh that pretty much summed up the night. Why I had ever thought of going to the movies with both Jacob and Mike was beyond me. Oh wait, it wasn't supposed to be just Jake and Mike. I couldn't believe everyone else bailed on me. What a nightmare. I had a hard enough time fighting them both off in isolation. Together, they were a force of nature, their jealousy and competitive instincts fueling them to annoying heights.

I was really relieved that Mike had gotten sick. I knew I was a horrible human being for thinking that, but I couldn't help myself. Now he was safely home where he couldn't make any more delusional moves on me. And I was safe with Jake. In his car. In front of my house.

Alone.

Jake sighed and I couldn't help but echo it. He looked like he was thinking about pushing some more boundaries and I wasn't surprised when he leaned over and slung his arm around my shoulders.

"Jake," I protested, leaning away. He didn't move an inch and appeared undeterred by the minor rejection. He reached his other hand out to grip mine firmly in his and didn't release it even when I started to pull away.

Confidence didn't seem to be an issue for Jake.

"Now, hold on just a minute, Bella," he said in a calm voice. "Tell me something."

I grimaced. Why did he have to force the issue? At this moment in time, I couldn't think of a single thing in my life that was more essential to me than Jacob Black. But he persisted in trying to change our relationship.

"What?" I muttered sourly.

"You like me, right?"

"You know I do."

"Better than that joker puking his guts out earlier?" he gestured behind him.

"Yes," I sighed.

"Better than any of the other guys you know?" It was more of a statement than a question, like he already knew the answer.

"Better than the girls, too," I pointed out.

"But that's all," he said – again, not a question.

I swallowed. I was unsure of what to say.

The big "what if" was bouncing around in my mind. What were my options?

Imagining my life without Jacob certainly wasn't an option; the idea made me sick to my stomach. Somehow, he'd become so crucial to my very existence that I doubted I'd survive a day without him. Was Mike right? Was I being cruel, trying to keep things the way they were?

I thought back to all the times that I had wished Jacob was my brother. It was clear now that all I really wanted was a claim on him. It didn't feel at all brotherly when he held me like this. It just felt cozy and comforting and familiar. Safe. Jacob was my safe haven.

I could stake a claim. I had that much in my power.

I was very aware of the fact that this would have to be a commitment. I would have to commit all the tattered, wrecked pieces. It was the fair thing to do. Would I? Could I? I knew I'd have to tell him everything. I'd have to tell him that I wasn't settling, but that he was still too good for me. He already knew I was broken- that much wouldn't be a surprise- but he'd need to know the extent. He'd need to know how he would be spending every day trying to fix me, and that it may not work. He'd need to know all this before he made a decision.

But, even as I recognized that necessity, I knew he would take me in spite of it all. He wouldn't hesitate for one moment.

Would it be so wrong to try to make Jake happy? Even though the love I had for him paled miserably in comparison to what he clearly felt for me, would it be so very wrong?

"Bella?" Jake pulled me from my conflicted mind, reminding me of the question he had posed before my inexcusably long pause. He tightened his grip around me, pulling me closer to his chest. It felt wonderful, almost like being a whole person again.

"Jake, I…" I began, but he stopped me before I could continue.

"Sorry, I know you don't feel exactly the way I do. I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that. I don't want things to change between us if you don't."

My breathing sped up and I felt heat flood to my face. Wouldn't Edward, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as happy as possible under the circumstances? I thought he would. He wouldn't begrudge me this, giving just a small bit of the love he didn't want to my friend, Jacob.

Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair. _If I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder_… I knew exactly what would happen. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight.

But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life?

My face flushed again, even hotter this time, combined with the heat radiating from Jake's massive form beside me. Butterflies invaded my stomach. I knew if I was going to make it happen, it would have to happen in this moment.

My head swirled with the heady realization that I may actually want this. Being with Jake, who loved me unconditionally, completely and without limits – was that really such an unthinkable thought?

I turned my face towards him, inhaling his earthy musk. The skin of his shoulder was soft and warm against mine. He felt nothing like Edward. And that was exactly what I needed. Edward had removed every remnant of his presence from my life, all except what was left of him in my thoughts and memories. It was my turn now. I needed to finish what Edward had started.

I grazed my lips against his shoulder determinedly. I brought my hand to the collar of his shirt, curling my fingers around the edge. I felt his chest rising unevenly beneath my hand, his warm breath tickling my quivering fingers.

Slowly, I raised my eyes to meet his. He was clearly unsure of what was happening. I turned my whole face towards him, my lips slightly parted in anticipation. My head swirled once more, his inviting brown eyes burning into me.

I knew then that I was ready. Ready to be whole again. Ready to be whole with Jacob. Realization burned in my chest, warming my deadened heart.

I tugged lightly at his shirt, pulling him down to me. I closed my eyes the moment before his lips touched mine. I gasped slightly at the sensation. Not only the sensation of his warm, full lips against mine, but the sensation of my heart lurching in my chest.

I was unsure whether it lurched for Jake, for Edward, or just for me. Either way, in that moment I felt more than I had in any single moment in the preceding months. Even more than when I was tempting fate in front of that bar in Port Angeles. Even more than when I was flying off my bike, head first into a tree.

Jake's lips were lingering on mine. I could sense he was giving me a moment to decide whether I was sure. I didn't need a moment. The unfamiliar pounding in my chest told me that much. All I needed was Jake.

I pressed my lips to his again with no hesitation. I had to show him what I wanted. He needed to know that there was no doubt in my mind. I fisted the material of his t-shirt and brought my other hand to his neck, pulling him to me in quiet desperation.

I kissed him like my life depended on it, because subconsciously, I knew it did.

Jake seemed to stir from his frozen state, his body relaxing slightly. Hesitantly, he brought his blazing fingertips to my cheek, stroking it lightly. He pulled away from our kiss gently and looked me in the eye, begging one last time for reassurance. I nodded my head almost imperceptibly and he responded immediately, cupping my face in his enormous hand. His other hand rested lightly on my hip. He gripped me softly, like I was fragile.

Then he kissed me back. He poured every latent emotion into our kiss. Every moment he noticed me gripping myself to hold my pain inside. Every moment he had to snap me out of a stray thought. Every touch he initiated, but I never reciprocated.

His lips were fiery and urgent, but not forceful. He was still savoring every moment. I dug my fingers into his long silky hair, needing to be connected to him in every way.

I parted my lips slightly, tentatively, invitingly. I was slightly surprised by my own bravery. The kisses I'd had in the past were pretty tame, to say the least. There had always been an unspoken barrier that was never crossed. With Jake though… the possibilities seemed limitless.

He slipped his tongue into my mouth and a soft moan escaped my lips involuntarily. I wasn't prepared for the rush of heat that flooded through my body. My heart rate sped up exponentially, shaking erratically in my chest. His soft, warm tongue against mine felt foreign at first, but the movement thereafter felt… good, enjoyable.

I responded to his movement, our tongues dancing slowly, savoring each moment. His thumb stroked my cheek tenderly, cautiously. His other hand traveled to the small of my back, pulling me tighter to him. I gripped his face with both my hands, pressing my lips to his with more urgency, deepening the kiss.

I expected him to pull back, but he didn't. Of course, he didn't. He wanted me with no reservations. I could feel it in the way his fingers caressed my back, my face. The way his tongue intermingled with mine, exploring me fully. There were no boundaries to his love for me.

I felt a sudden twinge in my chest at the thought that I was selfishly taking what I needed from Jake, while offering him… what? The opportunity to be with me? As if I was such a great prize.

But then I caught myself. If Jake thought I was enough, how could I fault myself for giving him what he wanted? Flawed logic aside, it seemed like a fair exchange.

Jake pulled away slowly and looked down at me, his eyes smoldering with intensity. I wondered if he had noticed a change in my body language while I was having a momentary lapse in confidence.

He brought his hands to mine, which were still gripping his face, and took them gently in his hands. He kissed each palm in turn, sending a slight flutter to the pit of my stomach. A single tear escaped my eye and rolled down my cheek. I cringed, expecting Jake to be hurt, but he simply brushed it away with his thumb and crushed me against his chest.

I drew a shaky breath and nuzzled into him as he gently stroked my hair. His heart was beating furiously in his chest. I don't know why I was so surprised. I had always been aware of the fact that Jake was as human as I was. Hearing his heartbeat just confirmed the stark reality. It should have felt normal to me, but for some reason, it didn't.

I pushed the traitor thoughts from my head and tried to enjoy just being close to him and comforted by him. His warm arms enveloped me, not only with physical warmth, but emotional warmth as well. I was safe and cared for. I was allowing my own needs to be met for the first time in… I shuddered, unwilling to place an exact time frame on my own unhappiness.

I sighed a contented sigh and pushed away from Jacob. He released me reluctantly. I shot him a small reassuring smile.

"Better get inside. Charlie will be wondering where I am," I said softly.

"Sure sure." Jake smiled in return. He was beaming.

We both got out of the car and strolled up the walkway to my front door. He swung his arm around me casually. I was relieved that our interaction was still comfortable and natural. I shouldn't have suspected anything less. Being with Jake had always been effortless. Why would being with him in a new way be any different?

When we reached my front door he was grinning from ear to ear. It was pretty adorable. I chuckled.

"So, how 'bout that movie, huh?" Jake blurted out jokingly.

I laughed out loud, shaking my head and smiling up at him. We locked gazes for a moment, staring intently at one another.

"Thanks, Jake," I almost whispered. Those two words were loaded with more gratitude than he would ever know.

"No sweat," he replied with a wink.

He reached out to touch my cheek again. I was thoroughly amazed at his brash confidence. He really did take everything in his stride.

He leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Night, Bella."

"Night, Jake," I whispered in reply.

He planted a sweet kiss on my lips, then strode back to the Rabbit. He was practically skipping.

I couldn't help but smile as I turned to enter the house.

This would be a good thing.

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A/N:** Dare I ask if the readers agree that this would be a good thing? I request all the die hard Edward-lovers to hold their fire until they see where this is going.

And come on, admit it, you wanted Jacob and Bella to mack as much as I did.

Review and make a girl smile.


	2. Near To You

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Chapter 2

**Near to you**

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**A/N: We get to spend some more time with the cuteness which is Bella and Jake in this chapter****.**

**These are the soundtrack songs:**

**Near to you – A Fine Frenzy**

**Fix you – Coldplay**

**I posted a link to the playlist on my bio if you'd like to listen (which you definitely should!)**

**Thank you to my wonderful twi-sisters**** whose enthusiasm drives me to continue writing into the wee hours.**

**Thanks again to Hopeful Wager, my beta supreme. You rock my world.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters or settings portrayed therein. They are the creation and property of Stephenie Meyer and they, in fact, own me.**

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I awoke the next morning feeling perplexed. I couldn't think back far enough to remember a night that wasn't plagued by nightmares. I also couldn't remember a morning where I didn't wake with nothing more than a dull echo in my chest.

I almost felt… normal. It was pretty weird.

As much as being around Jake had made me start to function normally again, there had always been the ever present despair in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't get past it, no matter how much we joked and laughed. In retrospect I realized that while I thought I was clinging to Jacob as some kind of life saving device, I was clinging to my own depression even more. I was keeping myself close to Edward by being completely devastated and miserable. Those feelings kept me anchored, unable to break the surface and face the sunlight full on.

The moment I released myself into Jacob's warm embrace, it was like I could breathe again. Our kiss had forced me to gasp and fill my lungs with hope. Once I'd done that, I couldn't go back to how things were before. A single breath had gotten me addicted.

I stared at my ceiling for a moment, watching as the soft morning sunlight peeked through an opening in my curtains.

_Even the weather is playing along with my good mood,_ I smiled to myself.

It was early but Charlie was already gone for the day. He had been very pleased about my outing with Jake and clearly felt confident enough in the situation to leave me to my own devices.

I showered and dressed in comfortable weekend clothes– a long sleeved t-shirt, jeans and sneakers– and made my way downstairs for breakfast.

Feeling adventurous, I made myself a delicious cheese omelet. I realized with a chuckle that I had missed my own cooking. Cereal and pop tarts were nothing substantial to live on. Poor Charlie, he'd definitely gotten the short straw. I would have to make it up to him.

I was clearing the table, ready to start washing up, when my cell phone rang. I smiled when I saw the caller ID.

"Hey, Jake," I answered almost cheerfully.

"How's it going, Bells?" Jake asked, the grin clear in his voice.

"Uh, okaaay," I teased, dragging out the word coyly.

He chuckled. "So what are we doing today?" he asked matter-of-factly.

"The beach? Meet you there in half an hour?" I asked, ulterior motives already forming in my mind.

"See ya in a while," Jake said eagerly and hung up the phone.

I took a deep breath and started on the dishes while trying to organize my thoughts.

I had promised myself the previous night that I would tell Jake everything about my broken state before getting too involved. I guess what had already happened could definitely be classified as getting involved. I couldn't let it go further without saying the things I needed to say. I swallowed nervously.

I had never been much of a talker, so it surprised me that the urge to have such a huge conversation with Jake was burning inside me. I had made my decision, and he had clearly welcomed it. But it needed to be out there in the open. We needed to be on the same page. And he needed to know that it wasn't going to be an instant change. He was going to need to be patient with me.

I finished straightening up and threw on a jacket, although the weather was surprisingly mild. You never knew in Forks.

As my truck crawled down the road to the beach, the butterflies started fluttering again. My resolve was wavering, I could feel it. I tried to push my doubts aside by taking in the picturesque scenery. As the ocean came into sight, the rays of the sun glittered lazily off its surface.

I pulled my truck into the beach parking lot, knowing Jake would be waiting for me there.

I opened the door to find Jake beaming down at me. My heart sprang to life again, sending a rush of blood to my cheeks. Jake pulled me out of the truck, crushed me into a hug and twirled me around in one swift motion.

"Jake, whoa!" I yelled, struggling against him. He twirled me around a few more times before setting me down. I tried to stand but stumbled into his chest. I couldn't help but giggle when he laughed at me. I was sure I looked pretty ridiculous.

Jake held me by my shoulders, trying to stabilize me. I smiled up at him, trying to appear annoyed. His brown eyes twinkled back at me and my pretence melted.

"Hey," he said softly. My breathing stopped as he brushed a strand of hair from my face. His fingertips left a trail of heat blazing across my cheek.

"Hey," I whispered in reply.

In his eyes I saw complete, uninhibited adoration and I felt the familiar twinge of guilt. I had to share my thoughts and fears with him. I owed Jake as much.

I dropped my gaze to the gravel and pulled myself gently from his grip. I turned to lock the door to my truck in an attempt to cover my awkward movement.

"So, you up for a walk?" I asked lamely, digging my hands into my pockets.

"You don't think we came here just for the scenery, do you?" Jake retorted sarcastically, swinging his arm around me and pulling me towards the beach.

I was relieved again that he wasn't making things more difficult than they needed to be. His relaxed air calmed my own nerves to an extent. Being pulled close to his enormous form was also helping.

We strolled down the beach in comfortable silence. I sensed that he suspected something from my awkward demeanor and didn't want to force things until I was ready to talk.

I spotted the piece of driftwood I was looking for and steered us in that direction. I saw Jake glance at me curiously out of the corner of my eye, but stubbornly avoided his gaze. If I was going to do this right, I would have to focus, and locking gazes was hardly advisable at this point.

"You wanna sit down for a while?" I gestured nonchalantly. Jake stiffened slightly next to me, realization flooding his frame.

I carefully released myself from Jake's grasp and settled down between the twisted roots, crossing my legs. He sat down next to me, pulling his legs to his chest. I pretended to stare down at the colorful rocks below me while surveying him from beneath my lashes.

He was wearing a pair of worn jeans and sneakers and a white long sleeved button down with faded blue stripes. It was chilly but he didn't wear a jacket. He was radiating heat beside me. His silky black hair fell over his shoulders, partially covering his face as he followed my lead and toyed with the smooth rocks beneath us.

As I studied his features in the faint sunlight, I couldn't help but feel like a fool. In the months of friendship with Jacob Black, I had looked at him through the same eyes as when I had first met him, when he was still a boy. Of course I had noticed his growth spurt, but not the subtle changes.

His jaw was strong and masculine, his brow and cheekbones were defined, and his lips were full. His hands were enormous, his shoulders broad and his chest was chiseled. I could see the definition of his muscles through the thin material of his shirt. He was most definitely a man.

Not only his physical appearance spoke of maturity, but also the way he had cared for me in the preceding months, how he had dutifully driven me to the emergency room after nurturing my reckless needs. Biological age clearly wasn't even a consideration.

Jake broke our silence first.

"Listen, Bella, I know why you brought me here, and you don't have to say anything. I know you think last night was a mistake. It's okay, I understand. I already said things don't have to change between us."

I cringed. Of course Jacob would think I was letting him down easy. For months I had shirked away from his affections. Experiencing rejection from me was nothing new to him, even though most of it was subconscious self-defense.

He was gripping a shiny gray rock between his fingers, staring at it intently.

"Jake," I urged him to look at me, placing my hand gently on his.

He turned to me and locked his eyes on mine. My heart jumped to my throat, but I pushed on.

"Last night wasn't a mistake," I said softly, unable to find more volume. "It was… exactly the way it should be."

His eyebrows rose in surprise and then furrowed in disbelief. I didn't wait long enough for him to interject before continuing.

"You know better than anyone how… broken I was… still am," I corrected myself. "And you know better than anyone how to make me feel like a functioning member of society. Spending time with you has brought me closer to being a whole person again. Last night, I realized that I need more than just your friendship."

"Bella, I…" Jake tried to intercede, but I continued while I was still filled with courage.

"You just need to make an informed decision. I'm not promising to be perfect, and I'm not promising to be completely fine again overnight. But I will promise this: I will give you as much of myself as I have to offer." I looked Jacob squarely in the eyes, never wavering. I needed to convince him of my sincerity.

I took a deep, slightly shaky breath and continued. "I'd rather be here with you than anywhere else. And I'm yours, if you'll have me?"

My voice held steady but silent tears were streaming down my face. All my resolve from the previous night had come flooding back. The realization that I could be happy with Jacob burned in my chest and consumed me.

Jacob stared at me for a moment. I couldn't read his expression. His eyes were clouded, his jaw was set. My heart was thundering in my chest, waiting for any reaction.

The next moment he crushed his lips to mine, gripping my face in his hands. I was completely caught off guard, unable to move, before I responded by pulling him closer to me and digging my fingers into his back.

My heart was practically singing with joy. I felt light with the silent optimism of the moment. I had given myself permission to be with Jake and he had accepted it unquestioningly, as I had hoped.

Our kiss was completely different from the previous night. It was happy and giddy and free. There was no restraint or caution. We had both thrown ourselves into it completely. Again, I relished the sensation of his tongue on mine, feeling completely connected to him.

After a while he started to laugh and I couldn't help but join him. We continued to kiss through our laughter, touching each other's cheeks and hair tenderly.

Jake took my face in his hands again and pulled me away from him gently. I placed my hands over his, closing my eyes momentarily in contentment. When I opened my eyes again, Jacob placed a tiny kiss on the tip of my nose and touched his forehead to mine. A silly grin was plastered all over his face.

"Do you have any idea how worried you had me there?" Jacob asked, still smiling.

"Sorry," I replied sheepishly. "I just had to… you know… talk about it first."

"Bella, you really don't owe me any explanations. Do you think I would've been pushing my luck with you for months if I didn't know what I was getting myself into?"

We both chuckled at that. Jacob kissed me softly once more and pulled me to his chest, settling back against the driftwood. I nuzzled myself to him and he rested his chin on my hair.

"So what happens now?" I asked, toying with one of the buttons on his shirt.

"Things won't be that different," Jake replied, twirling a strand of my hair between his fingers. "There'll just be a lot more kissing," he chuckled.

"Jake!" I giggled, swatting him playfully.

He tightened his arms around me and brought his lips to my ear.

"But seriously," he whispered, his warm breath sending tingles down my neck, "what happens now is that I'll spend every single day trying to make you as happy as I humanly can."

I frowned slightly at his use of the word "humanly". Of course, he couldn't know its significance, but it still stirred some uncomfortable feelings in me. I immediately eschewed the feelings and focused on the sensation of Jacob's strong arms around me.

I refused to compare him to _anyone_ else. I knew that Jacob would do anything in his power to make me happy. And if he was giving everything, what more could I ask for? And what else could I do but reciprocate in kind?

"Well, if the past few months have been you not trying, I think I'm in for a treat," I smiled, trying to lighten my mood and push the traitor thoughts aside.

"Just know that I'll still be your friend first," Jacob continued, undeterred by my attempt at humor. "All the rest will just be a lucky coincidence."

"That's good news, because I'd be totally lost without my best friend."

I folded my arms over his and settled back into his chest. His body heat was intense, it made my cheeks flush for more than one reason.

"Jake, you're friggin' hot," I commented without thinking.

He chuckled. "You're not so bad yourself."

My face flushed an even deeper crimson.

"I meant your temperature, Mr. Conceited," I said, rolling my eyes at him, even though he couldn't see it.

"Oh that," he laughed in reply. "I know, it's been like that for a few weeks. I thought I might be coming down with something, but so far I've been fine."

"I hope you don't get what Mike has. Last night was pretty nasty," I said, crinkling my nose at the memory.

"Yeah, that part kinda sucked," he laughed.

He brushed the hair away from my face and planted a soft kiss on my temple.

"The part after that was pretty awesome though, so I'd say we broke even," he whispered, trailing kisses along my hairline.

I chuckled despite myself. His kisses felt sweet and tender, already familiar although they were so very new.

"I wonder if our dads are going to like this situation," I thought aloud, "considering their eagerness for us to spend time together lately."

"I think it's going to be a case of the dog catching the bus," he chuckled. "Just make sure Charlie's gun in stashed somewhere before we tell him."

We sat there for most of the morning, enjoying each other's nearness and joking often.

It was easy to grow accustomed to the shift in our relationship. I was used to Jake touching me. What I wasn't used to was welcoming it. I allowed myself to savor the sensation of his lips on mine, the feeling of his fingertips brushing against my cheek, his warm arms encircling me. I reciprocated cautiously, exploring his face and neck with my fingertips and lips, digging my hands into his hair and clutching his shirt.

I felt completely freed by my newfound autonomy. For the first time in months I was in control of my own life. I made my own decisions, and I had decided on Jake.

I was feeling very content in my decision as I flopped down on my bed that night. Spending the day with Jacob at the beach had lightened my spirits. I was actually enjoying being with him in a new way more than I had expected, although I hadn't really been sure what to expect.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, indicating I had received a text message. I grinned, eager to find out what Jake had to say about our day together.

I touched the keypad and as the screen lit up my heart froze in my chest. The name on the display was not one I had been expecting. My hands were shaking as I opened the message.

_I'm happy for you :)_

_-Alice._

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****A/N: Yes, Alice saw everything, if not too clearly. "How is that possible?" you ask? Remember, at this stage Jake hasn't phased for the first time, so Alice isn't completely blind to him… yet.**

**In chapter 3 we will be joining Edward in South America. He's definitely going to be a big feature in this story, so stay tuned.**

**Every review comes with a guaranteed "squee" from yours truly. Do it. I know you want to…**


	3. My Curse

**Chapter 3**

**My Curse**

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****A/N: I'm starting to wonder if my audience is mute? Please don't make me beg for reviews (I'll do it, though, if you force me to).**

**A****llow me to gush for a moment. I have an amazing group of girls who serve as my test audience and whose encouragement and advice spares me from constant torment. My undying gratitude to: Tabs, my biggest fan. Lily, Jake's biggest fan. Katrina, my gutter gal. Julie, who may well be my twi-soulmate. I love you all.**

**While I'm gushing, I should thank Hopeful Wa****ger for being my Queen Beta and sharing her insights into Edward's mind. Her awesomeness is unparalleled.**

**As promised, this chapter is the first one from Edward's perspective (or Angstward, as he shall be known**** henceforth for reasons which will become evident as you read).**

**The soundtrack songs for this chapter are incredible (my humble opinion) and for fear of sounding bossy I will only **_**recommend**_** listening to them instead of ordering you to listen to them (which I would love to do). The link to the updated playlist is on my bio page.**

**My Curse – Killswitch Engage**

**End of Heartache – Killswitch Engage**

**Animal I Have Become – Three Days Grace**

**I still don't own Twilight, so no surprises there.**

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**EPOV**

I sensed I was reaching nearer my prey. I pushed deeper into the rainforest, drawing unnecessary breath with each stride. My untiring body did not relent. I would find her and destroy her. My mind was focused with that singular purpose.

I had been attempting to track Victoria for five months and four days. I had the constant sense that I was near her, but nothing tangible substantiated that sense. I did not catch her scent. I did not glimpse her flaming red hair. I did not hear her thoughts.

I was fooling myself.

I cursed my spacious vampire brain. It had the capacity to obsessively focus on tracking Victoria, chastise the futility of my mission and yearn for Bella simultaneously.

Bella.

It was all for her. I left Forks for her and now I was scouring the Bolivian rainforest in search of Victoria. For her.

Bella.

If my heart could beat, every beat would be for her. Every wasteful breath I breathed was for her. Every tear I ached to shed was for her.

Bella.

She constantly occupied my thoughts. My mind would run over every moment of our time together. The first day I saw her. The first time I talked to her. The first time we touched. The first time we kissed. Every intimate moment we ever shared. Every conversation. Every night she spent wrapped up in my arms. Every dream I witnessed through her unconscious mutterings. Every subtle expression of her face, twitch of her brow, movement of her lips.

My mind inevitably went back to the day of her birthday party, as it always did. I experienced the scene in the third person, like always.

_I see Jasper's decision in Alice's mind the split __second before it happens, and I throw myself in front of Bella's fragile frame. I see Bella on the floor, blood dripping from her wound, and my throat aches at the memory of its sweet scent and taste. _

_I see__ the horror Alice's face a few days later as the consequences of my eventual decision assault her thoughts, closely followed by the vision of Bella curled up on the forest floor._

It sent me crumpling to the ground every time without fail. This time was no different.

I sank to the forest floor, midstride, digging my fingers into the fresh earth beneath me. The memories were now flooding my consciousness and keeping my pinned beneath their weight.

_Bella stands__ before me at the edge of the forest. Her face is incredulous when I tell her I don't want her to go with me. Her determination is fierce when she pleads with me not to do it._

My body started to rack with dry sobs as I remembered what it felt like to leave her there, like tearing away an essential limb to my existence.

_I turn and ru__n from her. In one swift motion I jump into her bedroom through the window with the intention of removing myself from her life absolutely._

_I force myself to remain composed while I remove our pictures from her album.__ I don't even dare to glance at the images as I busy myself with hiding them, along with her other birthday gifts._

_I leave a note for Charlie in Bella's handwriting. He __will need to know where to find her._

_The whole procedure takes a mere minute._

_I bare__ly make it back to my home before finally collapsing in the woods near the house. My family has already left for Denali. I know that they are giving me the space I need, despite knowing the events exactly via Alice. They know me well enough to know that I would crave solitude._

I was suddenly overwhelmed with the similarity of my current position to that wretched day. My entire being still ached with the same intensity as it had the first time. A pained growl escaped my lips and I buried my face into my hands.

_I remain in the woods for the rest of the day, wishing for death – or un__consciousness at the very least- although I know neither will come. Knowing that Bella is stumbling aimlessly through the forest torments me the most. I feel completely helpless._

_After night__fall, I drag my body from the ground. I stumble to my Volvo and drive to Port Angeles, to the ferry that will take me further away from Bella than I have been since I first gave in to my fascination with her._

_I consider skipping out on seeing my family in Denali altogether until Alice phones in a controlled rage._

"_Edward, I know you're in a bad place, and I know you want to be alone, but _please_ don't leave before you've said goodbye to your family. You owe us as much."_

_I__ cringe at the implication of her words. What she actually wants to say is: "You owe us as much after you made us all uproot our lives for you."_

Of course I had felt guilt at subjecting my family to my own choices, but knowing I would have done the same for them lessened it to an extent. Still, I had felt obligated to see them all one last time before launching my hunt for Victoria.

_By the time I finally arrive at the home of my extended family, I have composed myself enough to face the pity that is sure to assault me from their faces and minds._

_They undoubtedly know I am near, but they remain in the house upon my arrival. I pause at the door for a moment and take a deep, shaky breath.__ I hear soft conversation and morose thoughts, but pay them little attention. I prefer them indistinct at this moment._

_I enter the house and my entire family turns to look at me at once. I am grateful that Tanya and the others of her coven aren't there. I want a private farewell._

_Alice flies into my arms and crushes me in a silent hug. She releases me after a moment to allow Esme to take me into her own gentle embrace.__ Her body is shaking with unspoken emotion._

_I remain hunched and motionless__ as she offers her wordless compassion and comfort._

_When Esme releases me, Emmett__ approaches. I expect a hearty pat on the back or punch on the shoulder. He stuns me when he throws his enormous arms around me in a bone-crunching hug._

"_Sorry, bro," are the only thoughts that fill his mind._

_Carlisle__ stands behind Emmett in my line of sight, his brow furrowed with the weight of his own concern for me. Emmett releases me from the hug to allow Carlisle access. He places his hands on my shoulders and peers questioningly into my eyes._

"_I know you're firm in your decision, Edward, but are you sure you want to go tracking alone? You know any one of us would be happy to accompany you," he says, his voice calm yet sincere._

_I hang my head and they __all understand._

_I have already asked too much of my family. I don't have the heart to lure them away on my hunt for Victoria.__ I have to be selfish about this. If I find her, I want to destroy her on my own terms._

_Carlisle squeezes my shoulders, urging me to look at him. __I raise my eyes to meet those of my father and immediately feel as if I will buckle under the weight of his gaze._

_Even though I know he will accept my decision, I also know he will not let me__ leave without the knowing that I go alone by my own choice and not for lack of willingness on the part of my family._

_If not my whole family._

_Rosalie remains seated on the edge of the sofa, examining her nails.__ I know she is very aware of the scene before her, and that she doesn't partake in it by choice. She has never been a fan of mine. She thought even less of my relationship with Bella._

_I feel the ire rising in my chest involuntarily. __I have never cared much for Rosalie's opinion, but her stark indifference in the darkest hour of my existence riles me beyond all rationality._

_I want to snarl at her. I want to grab her by her ridiculous blonde hair__. I want her to experience pain like mine._

_I clench my fists instead._

_Then I feel an overwhelming wave of guilt. For a moment I mistake it as my own but I soon realize that it is too powerful to ever apply to Rosalie._

_I turn to see Jasper in the corner of the room, his eyes black with emotion. __His face is contorted with an expression that I have seen him wear often, but never to such a degree._

_His thoughts assault me in a flourish, and I can barely keep up._

"_I should've…__ Why did I…? I could've…. My fault…"_

_He is overwhelmed__ with his own emotion coupled with the emotions of our entire family battering him from every direction and he can't control what he is projecting._

_I__ feel everything as he feels it: the guilt, the shame, the hurt at causing our family harm- at causing me pain._

_I walk to him purposefully and lay a hand on his __shoulder. He is trembling._

"_Jasper, this is not your fault," I say with my sincerest conviction, __although he will know of my sincerity either way._

_He doesn't say anything. He merely__ continues his stream of incoherent thoughts and emotions._

"_Jasper, look at me," I urge him. "__I could never fault you for succumbing to your nature… our nature."_

_He meets my gaze and a fresh wave of shame rolls off of him and through me._

"_You need not feel any shame, brother__," I almost whisper. "This is all on me. You warned me that our relationship was completely ill-advised, but I still subjected you to my choices. I have to deal with their consequences."_

"_Please__, forgive me," Jasper thinks, granting us a moment of privacy._

"_Nothing to forgive," I whisper in reply._

_A wave of relief washes over me and I know that Jasper has accepted my forgiveness.__ I am equally relieved. I harbor no ill will toward my brother, but I am saddened by the knowledge that he will continue to torment himself regardless. I am grateful that he made me realize how much danger I was constantly subjecting Bella to. It gave me a chance to fix things before they became fatal._

_A__nd that is what I'm doing._

_I'm __healing the wound that my presence has left on Bella's life, and I'm ensuring that I never inflict any damage on her, directly or indirectly, ever again._

_I take a step back and survey my family gathered around me.__ Sorrow coils around my deadened heart as I realize that I am leaving everyone that I love behind, and everyone that loves me. But I will not waver on the path that I have chosen. I will bear the consequences of my decisions alone, irrespective of how painful they may be._

"_You should probably get going if you're going to make your flight,"__ Alice says, breaking the silence._

_I nod, inhal__ing deeply and squaring my shoulders determinedly. I am ready._

_I open my mouth to speak but Alice interrupts before I can say a thing._

"_I know you're not going to keep in touch, so don't be lame by saying it," she announces__ abruptly. She really did have the most annoying ability. I let out an exasperated sigh._

"_I'm not planning on going anywhere that has any semblance of cellphone reception, Alice__," I grumble back at her, "and it's not like you need a phone call from me to know what I'm doing."_

_Alice__ huffs and crosses her arms sulkily. "Seriously, Edward, you are not the axis of the earth. You really could check up on what _we're_ doing too, you know."_

_I __hang my head in shame. I am a self-involved ass who doesn't deserve a family like the one I have._

_Esme __shoots a warning glance at Alice and lays a reassuring hand on my arm. "Go do what you need to do, Edward. We'll be here for you if you need us. And we _understand_," she emphasizes the word, raising her eyebrows at Alice, "that you will be focused on your purpose. Don't worry about us. Collectively, we're a millennium old. I think we can take care of ourselves."_

_Esme's encouragement only fuels my guilt, although I know she means well._

"_I don't have enough words to express how grateful I am to all of you," I say, scanning across each of their faces. "I am not worthy of your unconditional love and support."_

"_That's what family does," Carlisle says softly.__ "Now go, we don't want you to be late."_

_Carlisle__ hugs me tightly, followed by Esme and each of my siblings. Even Rosalie deserts her spot on the couch to bid me farewell, although she does so out of a sense misguided obligation._

_I leave my family, feeling __empty and alone, but determined._

I rolled onto my back, gasping for air. Time had not healed my wounds. Time had only gnawed at the frayed edges of my tattered heart. Every time I lost focus, if only for a moment, my memories would assault me. But the fresh pain would drive me to continue with my purpose.

Victoria _had_ to be in South America. I had seen her swimming across the Atlantic in Alice's vision and then arriving in Caracas. I had chosen that as my staring point and had interrogated locals, following a trail of sightings through Venezuela and into Brazil, where I finally caught her scent.

I tracked her scent along the Amazon, losing it again when I reached Peru. Interviewing locals proved less fruitful as I entered smaller villages. They were much more skeptical and unwilling to speak to outsiders.

I had gotten lucky when I caught wind of a few seemingly random, unexplained deaths. The locals had suspected animal attacks, but I had known better. Victoria was still feeding.

I had followed the carefully disguised trail of carnage which eventually led me to Bolivia. I had exited Peru by crossing the Andes and felt something drawing me to the rainforest. I had been convinced that I would find her here, which was why I hadn't left although I'd been scouring it for weeks.

In a renewed burst of conviction, I sprang from the forest floor where I had been crumpled, reliving the memories of the events that had brought me here. I stood still for a moment, inspecting the trees around me in an attempt to establish which direction I would take. I had not paused in what felt like days and I needed to hunt badly.

I launched into a run. My instincts guided me through the thick underbrush of the rainforest. The cover of trees was so thick, it was difficult to discern the time of night. I focused on the sounds around me.

I heard insects and small rodents at a distance. They knew better than to venture near me. I heard wings flapping. Not soft and fluttering like birds, but leathery and primal. Bats.

The forest temperature had shifted in the past hour. It was approaching dawn.

My bare feet crushed the smaller roots beneath them as I flew through the forest. I leapt swiftly over fallen trees and pushed through wildly overgrown areas with ease.

In the time I had been away from Forks and my family, I had been living on the bare essentials. I hunted only when I felt myself growing weak. I stopped only when forced to. I had crushed my cellphone in frustration when Alice had called for what felt like the thousandth time. I only wore a pair of now tattered jeans, finding every other piece of clothing excessive.

I had means to acquire what I needed when eventually I needed it again.

The trees were thinning and I realized I had reached the edge of the forest. My strides slowed as I considered whether I would leave the cover of the canopy. I had been focused on my hunt, my instincts geared towards tracking suitable prey to sustain me for the days ahead, but it proved difficult. My animalistic sobbing had alerted the creatures around me to the danger I posed to them and they had cleared away from me for miles.

I sniffed the air, trying to catch an enticing scent. Then it hit me as I exited the forest into the grayish pink of dusk.

Humans.

A few hundred feet beyond the edge of the trees I saw the outline of a small village of brick and mud houses. My mind barely registered as my body hurtled towards the scent that was driving my instincts. I hadn't hunted in many days and I hadn't had contact with humans in weeks. Their scent was overwhelmingly mouth-watering and I was only vaguely aware of the imminent massacre I was about to cause.

The thoughts that drifted towards me were still unconscious. Good. It would be swift and silent. I would drain them dry before they even woke. The warm, delicious liquid would travel down my throat and still the all-consuming thirst that was now driving me. I could already imagine how easily my teeth would sink into their skin, how they would tense in surprise and then relax in defeat.

"_STOP!" _my mind suddenly reacted.

I was immediately anchored in place, mere feet from the nearest house. I could hear the rhythmical breathing and steady heart rate of its five inhabitants: two adults and three small children.

A wave of revulsion crashed over me. I stood there, bent over, clutching my knees, heaving disgusted breaths.

_You are not an animal. You are not a monster. You are not a slave to your instincts._

I threw my body around and headed back towards the forest at break-neck speed. I was furious at myself. I had waited too long to hunt and I had been alone too long. My careful control had always been a product of my rigorous practice and constant awareness. I had been reckless in letting it slip.

I had to hunt immediately. I had to track down an animal that was large and satisfying enough to quench my monumental thirst.

When I cleared the first trees of the forest, I shifted into stealth mode. If I was going to catch any prey, I would have to go undetected. I barely let a foot touch the ground before lifting it to the next stride. I even stilled my breathing in an attempt to be as invisible as possible. I focused all my energy on heightening my senses.

I mentally sifted through the smaller heartbeats of the rodents, knowing that they wouldn't suffice. Their scents were also rotten and metallic. They definitely wouldn't do.

I heard a small group of larger heartbeats in the trees above me. Sloths. Gross.

Then, I heard it. A few hundred feet ahead of me in the trees, a significantly larger heartbeat. A few strides later the scent hit me.

Jaguar.

It smelled amazing, rich and full a like a fine red wine. Venom instantly pooled in my mouth. I slowed my strides and started my final approach. I could not let this opportunity go to waste.

I spotted it on a low-hanging branch, licking its bloody paws after a night of hunting its own prey. It was not aware of my presence.

I crouched down, preparing for my attack, positioning myself for a flawless strike. It was a large male, surely about 350 pounds and almost 6 feet long.

It was still no match for me.

With ruthless precision I pounced, arms outstretched and teeth bared. My hands clamped down around its jugular as I pushed it to the forest floor, landing with a loud thud. I heard screeches in the distance as birds flew, startled from their resting positions.

The creature was thrashing and snarling, its enormous jaws snapping at me, but I held it firmly in position with my hands and legs. Its blood pulsed beneath my hands, its heart rate rapid.

I took one deep breath, taking in its scent before sinking my teeth effortlessly into its neck. The elevated heart rate ensured that the blood flowed freely down my throat. I drank it greedily, welcoming its soothing heat on my immense burn.

When I was done, I released its body and sat back onto my heels, wiping a trickle of blood from the side of my mouth. I drew a relieved breath at my own satisfaction.

I could barely believe that I had gotten so close to reckless murder. Shame began to cloud my momentary contentment. I shook my head, clenching my teeth in frustration. I felt completely consumed with hopelessness.

Then I froze.

There was a quiet rustle of leaves. I listened carefully. Another rustle and a strange fluttering noise which I had never heard before.

Then it hit me. Hundreds of intermingled thoughts flooded my consciousness. Male and female voices reverberated through my mind and I yelled out at its sudden overwhelming intensity.

A moment later it was completely silent again.

I was not alone anymore.

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**A/N****: You can't deny that you want to review this. Embrace the urge. I'll be waiting…**


	4. Right Where We Left Off

**Chapter 4**

**Right Where We Left Off**

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**A/N: I realized that my author notes were beginning to sound like acceptance speeches, so I****'ll keep it short:**

**Readers ****+ Reviews = Kick Ass.**

**The Preview Dream Team (J, K, L and T) = ****Remarkable.**

**Hopeful Wager = ****Supreme Beta of Awesomeness.**

**Soundtrack:**

**Right Where We Left Off – New Found Glory**

**The Magic Position – Patrick Wolf**

**Anything Can Happen – Finn Brothers**

**Wolf Like Me – TV on the Radio**

**Stephenie Meyer = ****Owner of all things Twi.**

**

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****BPOV**

I sat frozen on my bed, clutching my phone with what I suspected was the terrified expression of a person holding a live grenade. I was at a loss. Alice was definitely the last person I had expected to contact me. Okay, maybe the seventh to last person…

My thoughts and emotions were in overdrive. I was thrilled at any contact from Alice. She had been my best friend, after all. I missed her so much I would willingly go shopping for sexy cocktail dresses and torturous high heels just to be able to spend time with her again. I would even throw in a hair and make-up session to seal the deal.

On the other hand, I was all too aware of the fact that she was the sister of the person who I was determined to think about the least. She was also the one person who would be able to tell me exactly where that person was, what that person was doing and whether that person had mentioned me at all in five months of agonizing loneliness.

I squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to organize my chaotic thoughts. If Alice was contacting me, it could mean one of two things. Either the ban had been lifted or something was horribly wrong.

If something was wrong, I assumed she wouldn't be using smiley faces, so I scratched that off the mental list.

I couldn't imagine that the ban had been lifted either. He had been so resolute about it, I couldn't wrap my mind around _that_ happening.

I then considered a third option. Knowing Alice, she had probably just gotten fed up with the arrangement and decided to contact me even though it was against the rules. Alice wasn't famous for her self restraint when she got excited.

I felt something begin to stir in my chest and braced myself for the fresh onslaught of sorrow and despair that would inevitably pick at my freshly healed wound.

I was ready to be furious at myself for regressing mere hours after cementing the change between me and Jacob and I was ready to be equally infuriated with Alice for making me relapse.

As the stirring in my chest became more familiar, I realized with a start that it wasn't the old stirring of longing and desolation that I had been expecting to assail me. It was the stirring of determination and resolve. The stirring that immediately made me think of Jake and the monumental transformation that had occurred within me the moment our lips had touched.

I wasn't the same Bella anymore.

I had been utterly addicted to my own heartache for so long that the slightest inclination against it had fundamentally changed my perception on every aspect of my life. I had become instantly addicted to feeling alive and I refused to let anything interfere with that again.

This was not about _him. _This was about _my_ life, _my_ choices and _my_ happiness, all of which included Jake. Yet, in all of which I would love to include Alice as well.

The emotion that followed the realization was so surprising that I let out a startled laugh.

Joy.

I fell back into my pillows, a giddy yet incredulous smile plastered over my face.

It dawned on me then that Alice would never have contacted me if she had known that it would cause me pain. Alice could never be that selfish. My smile turned into a self-satisfied grin at the power of my own conviction.

Alice's visions were influenced by decisions. She had contacted me a day after I had made my decision to move on. That decision must have been so completely unyielding that she had been confident that her contact would be encouraging instead of detrimental. She couldn't have known anything beyond that, though, because I was currently deliberating my next move.

I desperately wanted to respond to Alice's kind gesture, but I was completely lost for words. What did one say to their forcibly removed best friend after months in isolation? Thanks? What's up? How's the weather wherever the hell you are?

I shook my head and let out an exasperated sigh. I wanted to feel annoyed at Alice, but the annoyance couldn't seem to break through the thick layer of delight which surrounded me.

I hit the reply button and stared at the blinking cursor on the blank screen. I started to type:

_Thanks, Alice__. How are you?_

I immediately deleted the words after typing them. This was Alice, not some random acquaintance I hadn't spoken to in years. She deserved something less generic.

_I'm happy that you're happy__ for me._

Lame. I deleted that even faster than the first text.

_You saw that, huh?_

"Argh!" I exclaimed in frustration. Why did this have to be so difficult? This was _Alice._ Alice who had been my first true girlfriend. Alice who had loved me before she even knew me. Alice who had risked the wrath of her melodramatic brother to contact me. Alice deserved something from the heart, I decided.

I started to type and I hadn't even completed the sentence when my phone vibrated again. I frowned and closed the screen I was working on to read the new message.

_I miss you too._

_- Alice_

I smiled.

***

When I woke on Sunday, the same smile I had fallen asleep with the night before was still fixed on my face. The light entered my room at an odd angle. I glanced at the clock on my bedside table, which confirmed that it was almost noon. I hadn't slept this late in what felt like an eternity. I hadn't felt this well rested in so long either.

I got dressed, immediately abandoning the idea of breakfast. I had invited Jake over for lunch and I would have to get started on that soon. I bounded down the stairs to find Charlie sprawled on the couch, beer in hand with a bowl of chips balanced on his chest. He was watching basketball with undivided attention. Seeing him there gave me a brilliant idea and I started to grin.

"Morning, Dad," I chirped.

Charlie glanced at his watch. "Afternoon, Bella," he chuckled.

"I invited Jake over for lunch later," I ventured and his eyebrows raised almost imperceptibly, "and I was wondering if there was anything special you would like?"

I felt a pang of guilt as he jerked his head toward me in surprise. I had been a lousy daughter for too long while he had been an incredibly understanding father. I shrugged slightly in response and smiled awkwardly as he regained his composure.

"Uh, I love everything you cook, Bells, you don't have to do anything special."

"Even if it's stuffed pork chops and potatoes?" I offered.

"Well, since you're offering," Charlie trailed off with a smile.

"Coming up!"

After I found some frozen pork chops in the freezer and put them in the microwave to defrost, I started scouring the kitchen for the rest of the ingredients I needed. I was relieved that we were still stocked on the essentials but made a mental note to go to the store in the week to get some more interesting supplies. I owed Charlie as much.

The pork chops were happily roasting in the oven with potatoes and vegetables, when I felt the sudden urge to make dessert too. I found the recipe I was looking for and started to prepare an apple pie from scratch. I knew it was Jake's favorite.

I had just poured the mixture into a pie dish when the doorbell rang. My heart actually skipped a beat when I thought of Jacob waiting for me on the front porch.

"I'll get it!" I called to Charlie as I rushed to answer the door.

I threw the door open to find Jake filling the entire doorframe with his massive form. He was holding a small bunch of daisies in his hand. I recognized them from the flower bed at the side of our house and I couldn't help the goofy smile that spread across my face as I looked from the flowers to his slightly embarrassed expression.

"Jake," I breathed, closing the door quietly behind me.

"Yeah, so, I picked you some of your own flowers," he held the flowers out to me and reached his free hand behind him to scratch his head awkwardly.

I took the flowers and tugged at the bottom of his t-shirt to pull him down towards me. He bent down as I stood on my tip toes to kiss him sweetly and whisper, "Thanks."

Our lips lingered a moment before I settled back onto my feet and examined the flowers with excessive attention, trying to hide the blush that was creeping over my cheeks. I was very aware of Jake's close proximity and I felt his gaze on me.

I felt equal amounts of relief and fear at the ease with which our relationship had shifted. I knew that Jake would respect my request to take things slowly, but I found myself having trouble finding the same respect. I was already addicted to the speed at which my heart raced when he was near me, to the flushing of my own face at the slightest touch. The instant force of that addiction also woke the more rational part of my mind. I feared that I was letting go too fast. But wasn't that the whole point? Giving all of what was available to one who was all too willing to accept it?

"Your porch is lovely, Bella, but I really don't wanna hang around out here all day," Jake interrupted my quiet contemplation.

I laughed lightly and tried to explain my inexcusably long silence away with, "I was just thinking, we should probably tell Charlie about… us."

"You're making a hell of a bigger deal out of telling him than you need to," Jake chuckled. "I already told my dad and he's been whistling showtunes ever since."

"Great, now we _have_ to tell Charlie before Billy gets to him," I grumbled.

"It'll be easy, just tell him straight and I'll take any speech or blunt object he tries to throw at me."

"_Now_ who's exaggerating?" I rolled my eyes at him.

My hand disappeared into his as I turned to open the door. I took a deep breath as we made our way to the living room. Jake gave my hand a reassuring squeeze as we approached Charlie.

He looked up at us and his brow furrowed slightly when he noticed that we were holding hands. I was just about to open my mouth to explain the situation when Charlie interjected.

"Well, it's about time," he said, rising from the couch. I wanted to be relieved that he seemed to be accepting of the situation but he had yet to crack a smile. He straightened up to his full height in an apparent attempt to seem imposing but he still didn't reach beyond Jacob's shoulder.

He took a step back and set his face in his very best admonishing-strict-dad expression, which was very similar to his no-nonsense-chief-of-police expression. "Just don't mess it up like that pale kid did, and we'll be just fine, Jake," he said with a raised eyebrow.

I felt myself wince involuntarily at his words, but I recovered quickly, hoping no one had noticed.

"I'll try my best, Chief Swan," Jake responded earnestly, clearly not sure whether Charlie was joking or not.

At that, Charlie cracked a smile and clapped Jake on the shoulder. We both started laughing as we relaxed simultaneously. "Are you sure you don't want to give him a bit of a harder time, Dad?" I enquired, still laughing. "This is the best window you're gonna get, you know."

"I won't give the kid any more grief, Bells," Charlie chuckled, "Thanks to him I'm getting a home cooked Sunday lunch, and I'm definitely not going to mess with that."

Lunch was filled with easy conversation and frequent laughter. Charlie and Jake still got along famously and the change in our relationship wasn't going to change that.

After lunch, we all settled in front of the television. Charlie and Jake were engrossed in the game and I was trying to be engrossed in my worn copy of Northanger Abbey, but found myself glancing over at Jake too often. He seemed perfectly relaxed on the sofa next to Charlie, smiling and laughing and yelling at the screen. He belonged there.

Occasionally he'd catch me staring, to which he'd respond with a wink or a smile that would make my stomach flip flop. I would try to cover my blush by burying my nose deeper into the book or shifting my position on the couch so I was facing away from him. It was a silly game, but I enjoyed it all the same.

When Charlie eventually excused himself to bed later that night, Jake also voiced that it was time for him to go home, probably for Charlie's benefit. We didn't want to be pushing any boundaries so early on.

We stepped out into the cool night air and I closed the door behind us, wrapping my arms around me against the chill of the night air.

"Lunch was great," Jake offered, digging his hands into his pockets.

"Clearly," I grinned, "you had four helpings."

"It was that good," Jake beamed down at me. His expression was soft and thoughtful. His milk chocolate gaze made my breath quicken. I felt the familiar flush begin to creep up again, but I didn't dare look away.

Jake reached out his hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear, his eyes never leaving mine for a second. His touch was scorching on my skin, intensified by the quiet anticipation I had felt all day. When he kissed me, I felt the most dizzying mixture of relief and desire. It felt as if I was really breathing for the first time that day.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me gently to him. I clasped my hands around his neck, urging him closer. He kissed me tenderly, with adoration and measured caution. I sensed it wasn't fear that held him back, but rather reverence. My heart swelled with affection for him, for knowing instinctively what I needed and how much I could handle at this early stage in our new relationship.

He placed one last sweet kiss on my lips and hugged me to him tightly. I rested my head against his chest, smiling slightly at the now familiar sound of his racing heart which matched the speed of my own. I sighed as he gave me one last squeeze and released me from his warm embrace.

"Thanks again for… everything, Bella," Jake smiled down at me, taking my hand in his. "You're a kick ass cook."

"You're a kick ass guest," I giggled back as he placed a soft kiss on my knuckles.

"I'll see you tomorrow after school?" he enquired, lingering on the porch.

I nodded, unable to form a response between the heat on my cheeks and the unstoppable grin that was now becoming almost painful.

"Night, Bella," Jake chuckled as he turned and strolled to his car.

I couldn't keep my eyes off him as he left. The moonlight was casting a faint glow on his beautiful dark hair, which was cascading over his expansive shoulders. His t-shirt clung to his muscular back, indicative of his recent growth spurt.

My heart fluttered as he flashed a last smile at me, exiting my driveway and disappearing into the night.

***

The rest of the week found us settling into a comfortable routine of after-school activities. We spent most of our time on the beach, tinkering in his garage or sprawled out in front of the television at my house, although I preferred to read while he watched. He ate dinner at my house most nights, which started to make me feel guilty by Wednesday – the third night in a row that Billy had spent alone. I sent Jake home that night with two huge dishes of leftovers and ordered him to spend the next night with Billy, even though my heart lurched at the thought of spending an evening without him.

What I had come to enjoy the most were our goodnight kisses. We were very affectionate while spending time together throughout the afternoons, but we purposefully limited out interaction to small touches and lingering looks, which resulted in furious blushes from me. Jake was still being very diligent about taking things slow, until he was standing on my porch Wednesday night, holding the dishes in his arms and pouting like a toddler.

"Billy really doesn't mind eating dinner alone, and he's been cooking for us forever," Jake complained, trying to convince me to change my mind.

"I don't want to keep you away from him, Jake," I countered. "He's your dad and he deserves your company too. Having him on our side is a good thing."

"But that means I won't see you at all tomorrow."

"There was a time, not too long ago, when you could survive without me for a day. I don't think that would have changed since last week," I raised my eyebrows at him.

"How do you know? A lot has changed since last week," he cocked his head to the side in the most adorable way which nearly made me lose my resolve.

"Go now," I joked, attempting to push him towards his car. "If you don't survive, I promise to come to the funeral."

His mouth fell open in mock indignation. I continued to try to push him towards the car but he didn't budge. I never realized his strength until he actually used it.

"At least let me say goodnight properly, in case I never see you again," Jake smiled down at me as I abandoned my futile attempt at moving him.

I faked an exasperated sigh and crossed my arms over my chest. "Fine, get it over with."

He set the dishes down on the porch railing and shook his hands, as if preparing for a fight. I rolled my eyes, trying to contain my smile.

He approached me determinedly and took my face in his hands, his features softening instantaneously. I tried to keep my expression set in fake annoyance but my cheeks betrayed me as his eyes rested on my lips. I swallowed thickly which caused the corner of his mouth to turn up slightly.

The air rushed from my lungs as his lips settled on mine with the same sweet tenderness as every other night of that week, but just as I expected him to pull away as he had done every other night, he pressed his lips to mine with escalating intensity. My folded arms dropped to my sides and my lips parted immediately, inviting him in. He responded with no hesitation.

His hand cupped the back of my neck, drawing me closer, and I found my hands fisting the front of his shirt as I stood on my toes to meet him. I reached up to dig my hands into his silky hair, causing our breathing to become equally labored as our bodies pressed even closer together.

I gasped slightly when I suddenly felt something hard pressing against my stomach. Jake pulled away abruptly and turned around immediately to grab the dishes from the railing. When he turned back around he was holding them awkwardly in front of him. His eyes were still burning from our undeniably intense kiss although he was looking down at the dishes in his hands with a bewildered expression.

I tried to control my frantic breathing as I squeaked, "Maybe I'll just come to your house for dinner tomorrow."

"Yeah, I think you should do that," Jake replied in an equally strangled voice.

We stood there for a moment, looking everywhere but at each other.

Without another word Jake turned and headed to his car. I covered my mouth to stifle my giggles as he waddled – for lack of a better word – away from the house.

I kept my mouth covered as he waved a quick goodbye and sped away so fast his tires left black scuff marks in the street.

I rushed up to my room and buried my face into my pillow, giggling hysterically. Jake was insanely adorable and I felt guilty that he had been embarrassed about his… situation. My gasp hadn't helped the situation at all. I had just been startled because I had never experienced that reaction up close before. The kisses I'd had in the past had never heated up to that level and even if they had, I had never been allowed to get close enough to actually… I stopped myself mid-thought.

I refused to make comparisons.

As my giggles died down, I let my thoughts drift back to the delicious sensations that had coursed through my body before we had been stupidly interrupted by physiology.

I was definitely not going to be voluntarily passing on goodnight kisses any time soon.

***

Saturday dawned with butterflies swarming around my stomach. I thought back on the previous two nights, both of which had ended with similarly heated kisses which broke off abruptly when one of us realized things were getting out of hand.

But that wasn't the reason for the butterflies. I silently cursed myself for agreeing to the activity we had planned for the day. It had seemed like a reasonably safe idea at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I was playing with fire. I tried to recall my flawed thought process in an attempt to comfort myself that it was the lesser of many evils.

Jake had broached the topic of the weekend on Thursday night when we were doing homework at his house.

"So, what are we doing this weekend?" he had asked while furiously erasing something from his notebook with the back of his pencil.

"Did you have anything in mind?" I had replied, wondering why he wanted to plan ahead all of a sudden.

"Bikes?" he had offered.

"No!" I had almost yelled at him. He had lifted his head from his math problem to frown at my outburst.

"I just don't feel like any trips to the emergency room," I had tried to cover lamely. I was definitely not ready to challenge my own sanity after only a week with Jake. I didn't know how I would react to another hallucination. I was even more worried about how I would react if there wasn't a hallucination…

"Beach?" I had countered, trying to think of a safer activity.

"We go to the beach all the time," he had shaken his head in disapproval.

"We can try going to the movies again."

He had looked at me with a borderline horrified expression. "I don't know about you, Bella, but the image of Mike throwing up all over the place is still burned into my brain. I really don't see myself enjoying that again any time soon."

I had grown quiet then, racking my brain for anything that was both fun and not potentially volatile.

"What about hiking, we haven't done that in a while?" Jake had chimed in suddenly.

"Uh…" I had tried to stall as I considered the merits of a hike.

I had originally suggested hiking for selfish reasons. I had no remaining desire to find the meadow and even less desire to find it with Jake. But we had had a lot of fun on the hikes before and little success with finding the meadow. What were the chances of finding it now, anyway?

"Bella?" Jake had interrupted my silent debate.

"Sure, a hike sounds great," I had agreed impulsively. "But we don't have to follow the gridlines again. We can just take an easy route this time."

"Whatever you want," Jake had smiled.

"Maybe we could have a picnic in the backyard afterwards?" I had suggested.

Jake had groaned in approval and I had felt content with my decision.

As I pulled on my hiking boots on Saturday morning I wasn't feeling content anymore, but I tried to push all doubt out of my mind. I mentally banished the traitorous butterflies from my stomach and tried rather to focus on the thought of spending the day with Jake and the goodnight kiss that would follow.

I smiled covertly to myself. Goodnight kisses had fast become my guilty pleasure. Warmth flooded to my cheeks at the mere thought of it.

When Jake and I arrived at the start of the trail after I had picked him up in my truck most of my fears had subsided. He was joking around and our laughter served as a perfect distraction.

Jake had examined the compass for a short while, deciding on the direction that we would take to ensure that we wouldn't be attempting terrain that was too difficult for me. Our light banter continued as we set off into the forest. He patiently helped me over fallen branches and stopped to rest with me whenever I wanted to, brushing leaves from my hair affectionately as we debated the merits of living so close to so much beautiful forestry. I enjoyed being so close to nature. Having Jake there with me was an added bonus.

"Shouldn't we start turning back?" Jake asked when he noticed that the sun was peeking through the canopy above us. Its position in the sky indicated that it was roundabout noon and we would have to be getting back for our picnic lunch. I had made sandwiches and lemonade and other snacks early that morning and I assumed Jake was eager to sample them.

"You're the one with the compass," I responded. "I'm just the one trying not to trip over my own feet."

He laughed at my self deprecation and slung his arm around me as he examined the compass for a moment. "We should round back that way," he pointed with the hand that was still on my shoulder. "Are you ready for the walk back?" he asked with a hint of concern in his voice, staring at me intently.

"The least you could do is disagree with me. I'm not as frail as you seem to think, Mr. Black," I countered huffily.

"Well then, maybe you should do a better job of proving me wrong," he joked, planting a slobbery kiss on my cheek. I pushed him away playfully and started making my way in the general direction to which he had been gesturing.

I heard him laughing behind me as I stomped my way through the trees, trying to prove that I had some semblance of athletic prowess. I continued walking for a minute, knowing that Jake was watching me with amusement and would follow shortly.

I pushed my way through a tangled mess of branches and felt the color drain from my face as I surveyed the sight before me. It looked different in the current gloom; the sun had disappeared behind some clouds. The thick cover of grass wasn't as green as I remembered and it wasn't the season for wildflowers, but there was no denying it.

I had found the meadow.

My stomach started to churn. Memories I had kept locked away seeped into my consciousness and I knew I had to get away from there as fast as my legs would carry me. Jacob couldn't see me like this. I couldn't betray him in this way. I was just about to turn to leave when I heard Jake's voice right behind me.

"You're so cute when you're trying to prove a point," he chuckled, pushing his way through the branches.

"Whoa," he exclaimed when he came to a standstill beside me. "Is this the place you've been looking for?"

"Yeah," I said softly, trying to control the tremors in my voice. "It just looks different than I remember."

"I wish we'd known," he continued, oblivious to the cold sweat that was forming on my forehead. "We could've brought the picnic here."

"I…" I began, but I was interrupted by my phone vibrating insistently in my pocket. I frowned, taking it out and my breath left me as I saw the name on the screen.

Alice.

Jake surveyed me curiously as I debated with myself whether I would answer. Something about the whole situation felt very wrong and fear coiled tightly in the pit of my stomach.

I pressed the button to answer and brought the phone to my ear. "Alice?" My voice was trembling.

"Bella, where are you?" her voice was urgent and panicked. I felt the fear coil even tighter.

"I'm in the forest with Jacob," I replied. The expression on Jake's face was that of confusion and concern. I gripped his hand in an attempt to reassure him, but the horrified expression on my own face was sure to negate the attempt.

"Get out of there. _Now_," Alice ordered in a tone so serious that it chilled the blood in my veins.

"Alice, I don't…" I stopped mid-sentence when I saw Jake's brow furrow even more as he noticed something on the other side of the meadow.

I followed his gaze and the phone slipped from my hand as the petrifying realization dawned on me.

"Well, well, well, what _have_ we here?" a sickeningly familiar voice rang out over the open space between us.

Laurent looked exactly as I remembered him: strikingly beautiful dark, glistening skin with a sly unsettling smile and vivid red eyes. _Red eyes._ Things couldn't have worked out well in Denali if he was back here. My body started to tremble.

"The last time I saw you, dearest Bella, you were keeping significantly different company," he sing-songed at me.

Jake gripped my quivering hand protectively. "Bella? Do you know this guy?" he asked in a low voice.

"Laurent is a… friend of the Cullens," I said in a surprisingly clear and pleasant voice. "I thought you were visiting their family in Alaska?" I enquired innocently.

Laurent started gliding slowly towards us as he answered, "They were very agreeable and accommodating. Especially Irina," he mused with a hint of nostalgia in his voice. "But we had a bit of a disagreement when it came to their… lifestyle choices. I found it quite challenging to develop a taste for the local cuisine."

His tone was almost imperceptibly threatening and it made me shudder involuntarily.

"What ever did happen to the Cullens?" Laurent enquired. "I stopped by their house but no one was home to welcome me."

"They moved on, but they return sometimes," I lied, hoping Jacob's expression wouldn't give me away. "I'll mention it to them when we speak again."

"How kind of you," Laurent was closing the gap between us at what seemed to be an excruciatingly slow pace. "I am quite disappointed to have missed them. And quite surprised to find that you didn't join them."

"Things change," I swallowed.

"They do indeed." Laurent was a few feet from us when he stopped his approach. He took a deep breath and his nose crinkled in what I took to be confusion.

I thought for a moment of the phone at my feet and wondered if Alice was still on the line. Not that it mattered; my reflexes were vastly outmatched by those of Laurent. I would be dead before my fingers ever touched it. Still, I felt the overwhelming urge to do something – anything about the situation.

Even though I knew that we would be heard, I took the opportunity to whisper to Jacob, "When I say run, we run, okay?" Jake's eyes nearly bulged out of his head at my words. His mouth gaped open questioningly.

"Just trust me, okay?" I muttered. The look in his eyes told me he understood.

"I doubt very much that you and your putrid little friend will get very far," Laurent interrupted our exchange. I frowned at his choice of words but thought no more of it when I saw him begin to inch closer yet again.

The events that followed occurred in a few mind-boggling seconds.

Laurent's stance became menacing at the same moment that Jacob's entire body started to quake. He jerked his hand from my grasp, causing me to stumble backwards.

"Jake, what…" the words died in my throat.

Jacob's face was contorted in pain and his entire body had become instantly covered in sweat. His fists were clenched and his breath was coming out in gasps. Laurent took advantage of our momentary confusion and lunged towards me. But he never reached me.

Jacob burst out of his clothes, his body instantly covered in rust-colored fur, his face elongated into the muzzle of a giant snarling dog the size of a horse. His colossal, sinuous form covered that of Laurent and the sound that followed reminded me of steel scraping against steel.

My terrified scream filled the air as I instinctively covered my ears against the noise, but despite my fear and lethal proximity to the danger before me, my feet were rooted in place. My eyes did not waver from the sight of the enormous reddish brown dog ripping at Laurent, a few small steps from me.

I heard a fierce growl as a large gray form forced me to the ground and the last thing I felt was searing hot pain in the back of my head before everything went black.

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****A/N: Reviews =**** Love**


	5. Closer

**Chapter 5**

**Closer

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**A/N: **Thank you thank you thank you for the awesome response to Chapter 4! It seems to have caused quite a stir which pleases me to no end.

So, after leaving you with a killer cliffhanger last time, we're switching back to Angstward in the jungle (yes, I'm evil like that).

The **soundtrack **is as always highly recommended and the link can be found on my bio:

The Bird and The Worm – The Used

Closer – Kings of Leon

Monster hugs to the preview dream team!

**Hopeful Wager** is my beta extraordinaire and one hell of an awesome lady. If you haven't read her epic tale, "Will You Be Ready When It Comes", _what_ are you hanging around here for? Go read it now! But please come back when you're done and continue reading my humble offering. Some of her brilliant ideas will be coming in to play very soon…

**All things Twi belong to Stephenie Meyer and I am clearly not her.

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**Hunter POV**

_I surveyed my prey from a safer distance. My curiosity had caused me to become careless and if I wasn't vigilant, I would soon pay for my mistake. I had kept myself invisible for too long to falter at the last hurdle. My greatest asset was that I had remained undetected for so long. Long enough to observe his habits, his weaknesses and strengths. Long enough to know that I had never encountered one such as him before. I would retreat until he dropped his guard again. There was still time. I would launch my attack soon enough._

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**EPOV**

I sprang lithely from my crouching position on the forest floor, landing silently on the balls of my feet and immediately assumed a defensive stance. The echo of overlapping voices still reverberated in my mind. My senses were on fire with the realization that there were other sentient beings in the jungle with me. They couldn't possibly be human; humans could not have disappeared so instantly. Humans I would've smelled.

Anxiety gripped the pit of my stomach when the possibility occurred to me that I may have found Victoria after months of tracking. If it was her, she definitely wasn't alone. But how could she have assembled so many allies in such a small amount of time?

I wondered how many there had been, but couldn't isolate the voices enough to form an accurate estimate. It could've been dozens, but it didn't make logical sense. How could I have been followed by such a large group without becoming aware of them? I knew Victoria's scent too well not to recognize it immediately.

The anxiety coiled tighter when I realized that it might not be Victoria at all. That realization frightened me even more and I knew that I had to act fast.

I soaked in my surroundings, taking mental inventory of what I knew of the current situation.

The lifeless corpse of the jaguar lay discarded at my feet. Its blood coursed through my body, granting me new strength and focus. Dawn was breaking overhead. The soft morning light filtering through the leaves started to cascade off of my cursed vampire skin.

The closest life forms were miles away, still wary of my predatory intrusion. The only sounds that surrounded me were the soft rustling of leaves and creaking of branches as a light breeze danced between them.

I strained my hearing, searching for the strange fluttering noise I had heard before the voices had assaulted me. In over a century of existence, I had never heard anything that remotely resembled it. I tried to mentally compare it to other familiar sounds in my memory but I was at a loss.

I closed my eyes and breathed in a deep, searching breath. The forest scents filled my nostrils as my mind filtered and catalogued the distinctive aromas. The most apparent scent was the already decomposing corpse at my feet. I could smell moss and leaves and ancient tree trunks. I could smell traces of other living things: birds and insects and small mammals. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

Yet, I knew I had been watched. The pull of my instincts was almost unbearable. As I stood there assessing the danger I was in, my strongest urge was to flee, to remove myself from harm. My more stubborn instinct was to defend myself, my mind was already formulating a plan of attack.

Fight or flight.

I weighed my options momentarily. Whatever had been watching me was gone. For now. I had no indication that they had meant me any harm. Irksome rationality in the back of my mind taunted me immediately. Nothing that could come that close without being detected and able to flee so instantaneously couldn't be anything other than trouble.

The other option was to fight. I could launch an attack. The same rational voice as before shot that idea down without hesitation. My tracking skills had proven mediocre at best, and even if I could find them, was I equipped to face at least a dozen enemies? I had no idea what I was up against but I was sure that I was completely out of my depth.

I realized that my indecision was putting me in further danger. I was still in the same spot I had been moments before and I had no assurances that my unwelcome guests wouldn't return. All I knew was that I couldn't remain here a moment longer.

Hesitating only for a moment to orientate myself, I launched into a run, propelling myself deeper into the forest. I needed a plan and I needed it fast. I barely registered the trees that were flying past me. My body moved of its own volition. My mind was consumed with the task at hand.

As great as the urge to flee was, I knew I couldn't leave without further investigation. I had invested too much time and effort into my hunt for Victoria to take flight at the first sign of danger. I had known my endeavors would be dangerous and I had been very aware of the possibility that I may never return, but the benefits had far outweighed the risks.

I would give anything to protect Bella's life. She was my only reason for continuing to exist. Even though every moment I wasn't with her was utter torture, knowing she was safe was enough for me. I would choose an eternity of agony on this earth over the knowledge that Bella didn't thrive in peace in it.

I made my decision with renewed determination. I couldn't flee and I couldn't attack them alone, but I could investigate. I could find them and assess what I was up against. If the numbers were too great I would retreat and enlist the help of my family. I knew they wouldn't hesitate to join me in an attack, but I hoped it wouldn't have to come to that. If they were fewer than I anticipated, I could take them alone. My ability to read their thoughts would put me at an advantage against a small group.

I knew then what I needed to do. I would take shelter for a day and let my trail fade from the forest, allowing me time to mentally examine the little information that I had. Then, I would scour the jungle in search of them. Beyond that I couldn't plan because it all depended on what I found, if I found anything.

I had been in the eastern lowlands of Bolivia for an extended period and I had kept to the deepest parts of the rainforest for most of my time there, becoming very familiar with the area. Even the most adventurous explorers never dared this far into the unknown and the dense vegetation made it virtually uninhabitable for humans. The surrounding areas were scarcely populated, except for a few tiny villages.

I made my way to a small cave hidden behind a waterfall which I had come to know well. The spray of the water would serve the dual purpose of keeping me shielded from unwanted eyes and washing my scent away, making me virtually untraceable.

As I sat down with my back against the damp cave wall, I felt my body relax slightly. Removed from the imminent sense of danger I had experienced in the forest, I could take time to thoroughly focus on the events that had led me here.

I thought back to the moment before I had realized that I wasn't alone anymore. I had barely finished draining the jaguar when I heard the rustling of leaves followed by an inexplicable fluttering noise. A moment later, I had been assaulted by the intermingled voices that had invaded my consciousness with such intensity that I had yelled out at the sheer force of it.

Because the sudden severity of the sound had been so overwhelming, I realized only now that the voices had been accompanied by a visual. My mind reeled at the realization that I had another clue to aid me. If my heart could beat it, would've been racing at that moment.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to recall the scene completely. What I saw confused and surprised me to the extreme. My mind flashed between seeing my surroundings as I had seen them then and seeing myself at a strange angle. It was as if I was observing myself from above.

The recognition hit me with a start. Whoever had been watching me had been watching from above. They had probably been following me from a safe height in the towering trees, keeping enough distance between us so that I couldn't hear their thoughts. The possibility of it being Victoria started to seem all the more likely. Whomever it was knew of my ability and was using that knowledge to their advantage.

My awareness of their advantage, however, would only be useful if I leveled the playing field somehow. I let my mind mull over the various possibilities. When I eventually thought of it, it seemed very simple, but I knew that it wouldn't be easy.

If they were stalking me from above, I was left in a very vulnerable position. The only way to outmaneuver them would be to do the same; I would have to take to the trees myself. It would be far more exigent than tracking them on foot, but it would be the only way I could gain the upper hand. I hoped that it would take them by surprise.

As the day wore on, I mentally plotted the various trails that I would follow. I would crisscross over most of the deep forest in a matter of hours, affording me the greatest probability of meeting my prey. Knowing that I was dealing with an enemy that was hidden in the trees, I would catch a scent more easily, or so I hoped.

When the sun had set, I emerged from my hiding place, my plan well-defined and mentally crafted to perfection. I felt confident in my approach as I leapt into the nearest tree, launching myself over two hundred feet into its topmost branches, trying to make as little noise as possible.

For hours I followed the first trail that I had mapped out for myself, my alertness heightened to a lethal degree. I was aware of every subtle change in my surroundings, from the smallest stirring of a creature above or below to the minute variation in scent between the different types of foliage. I was focused on identifying any trace of an element which was out of place.

When I had completed the third trail, I widened my initial target area, branching out further. My frustration began to mount when I had completed the fifth trail area and had not found the smallest indication of any disturbance.

It was late afternoon the following day when I paused for the first time. My mind was exhausted from the constant concentration and I wasn't sure how long I could continue to focus with such intensity. I sat perched atop the branch of a tree that must have been many centuries old, towering out above the Amazon, considering whether I should revise my plan.

I had covered thousands of square miles of the rainforest, finding no sign of disturbance. I knew that I had to persevere. I had mentally blocked out twelve separate areas of forest and had completed half of those already. There was still an immense region of jungle to cover which I estimated would take me another day.

I was running through the blocks I had yet to cover in my head when I heard it again: the fluttering.

My breath caught in my throat and I jumped to my feet immediately, the branch swaying slightly beneath my weight. I jerked my head in all directions, trying to place the origin of the sound. It was so foreign to me I couldn't gauge its proximity. The canopy of the trees obscured my view greatly and I lowered myself down the colossal tree trunk in an attempt to clear my view.

The fluttering continued, but I couldn't see anything but branches and leaves around me. I could sense the fluttering approaching steadily as the sound intensified from a fluttering to a humming. I couldn't pinpoint its location; it was as if it was changing position within a matter of seconds.

In an instant, it was gone again.

I launched myself from tree to tree in the last direction from which I thought the sound had emanated. I strained all my senses in an attempt to identify it in any way possible. I had covered a distance of over thirty miles in a matter of minutes when I came to an abrupt halt.

Something was different.

I sniffed the air around me. Something smelled… off. I couldn't place it. Everything seemed to belong to the forest except one tiny wisp. I wouldn't even have noticed it had it not been for my intense search for anything out of the ordinary. It must have been a few hours old, but the scent was quite distinct once I isolated it. It smelled of citrus and mint, fresh and clean and fruity with just a hint of spice. I had never encountered anything quite like it.

It seemed that today was a day for new experiences. In different circumstances it may have intrigued me, but in light of recent events, it just fueled my purpose.

I hurtled myself in the direction of the scent as it weaved between the branches. I almost lost it several times, but regained it again with some effort. I propelled myself through the trees at breakneck speed, resolved that I would follow the scent before it disappeared completely.

I pursued the scent into one of the remotest parts of the jungle where I had never been before. It had been almost two hours since I had first caught the scent and it grew stronger the deeper into the jungle I ventured. The anticipation and unease within me was reaching break point. I knew I was approaching the source of the scent but beyond that, the unknown loomed.

I groaned in frustration when the scent disappeared again. I swung around a massive tree trunk, trying to recapture the scent like I had before. I couldn't place it around or above me, so I shifted myself onto a lower branch. Even at this lower vantage point, I was still almost two hundred feet up in the canopy and the forest floor was virtually indiscernible due to the branches and leaves obstructing my view.

The fruity scent flowed into my nostrils again, more concentrated than it had been before. I lowered myself down another branch and the scent became even more intense. I started to quiver in anticipation. I knew I was near and I knew I had to restrain myself from approaching too suddenly or risk discovery.

I lowered myself down the gigantic tree trunk at a cautious pace, keenly aware of every particle of air around me, ready to attack in an instant. I stilled my breathing and paused every so often, attempting to remain undetected.

I was ninety feet from the ground when I heard the gentle fluttering that still astonished me with its oddity. It was coming from below, but some distance ahead. I readied myself for the assault of the voices that I was sure would follow and I strained my eyes to see the group of enemies that I had been tracking.

I reached the forest floor and crouched down in an attempt to hide between the majestic tree roots which were tangled together. It was ominously dark. The canopy above provided a thick cover under which no plants could grow, which resulted in rotting vegetation all around me. The odor was pungent but I barely noticed. I was focused absolutely on the fruity aroma and hypnotizing hum that was drawing me closer.

As I neared my quarry, I expected to find a clearing of some sort, large enough to accommodate a group of the size I was anticipating, but the trees didn't thin or clear. Yet, the humming grew more distinct, along with something else. I froze when I identified what it was.

A female voice.

I stood still, hidden behind a tree trunk which was easily ten feet in diameter. The voice was speaking softly, almost like a whisper, but it was utterly incoherent. I recognized the language as some kind of Spanish dialect but could understand little of what was being said. I waited for another voice to respond to the first, but none came. She was alone.

Knowing that I was only up against one, I felt confident enough to close the remaining distance between us. I followed the voice, still keeping as veiled as possible, until I was only a few feet away. As I rounded the trunk that had concealed me, the citrus scent hit me full on.

I saw her then, asleep and protected by a giant tangle of roots. The girl appeared to be no older than me physically; maybe eighteen at the oldest. Her skin was pale yet seemed to radiate the warmth of a suntan, shimmering slightly in the gloom. Her golden brown hair cascaded down her shoulders in a slight mess of knotted waves, ending just above her hips. She wore an olive green tank top and khaki shorts barely covered the tops of her slim thighs. She clutched her legs to her chest protectively.

Her furrowed brow gave the impression that she was troubled, thick lashes resting upon her vaguely rosy cheeks and her full pink lips drawn into a slight pout as she slept. A momentary blur of shapes and colors flashed before my eyes and I realized that I was seeing flashes of what she was dreaming.

I had rarely spent any time around sleeping humans before Bella, but I knew enough to know that their dreams were rarely discernable visually or audibly. It had been an irrelevant where Bella was concerned, but I couldn't help but recall it as I stood silently watching and listening to the bizarre sleeping girl.

Her intoxicating scent swirled around me and I inhaled it deeply as I continued to examine her. It was spice and musk and freshness all wrapped up in some kind of sweet fruit, but for some reason it didn't register in my mind as edible. Delicious, yes, but not edible.

An errant thought pulled at the edges of my mind, demanding my attention, but I couldn't quite determine what it was trying to tell me. My mind was filled with a wonderful haze that I had never experienced before. I momentarily thought that this was probably what it felt like for a human to be drunk. It was quite enjoyable.

I found myself drifting closer, wanting to consume as much of the scent as I could, but the nagging thought caused my focus to waver. The more insistent it became, the more I found myself hesitating. I ceased my approach with an exasperated sigh and stood still, giving the relentless thought its wish.

I frowned as quiet comprehension dawned on me. This innocent, seemingly vulnerable girl was not a human. No human could scale a two hundred foot tall tree without equipment or endeavor into the depths of the Amazon alone. Humans had heartbeats and smelled like humans. All this girl had was a fluttering and a scent that, while delectable, wasn't human at all.

Some of the same things that excluded her from being human, the fluttering and the scent, excluded her from being a vampire as well.

I felt a sudden overwhelming burst of curiosity and could hold back no longer. I inched forward, my hand outstretched and touched my fingers to her exposed arm. She was curiously warm, yet firm. Her skin was uniquely inhuman.

She started to stir beneath me and I took a small step backward, afraid I had disturbed her. Her eyes fluttered open and with overpowering intensity, the overlapping voices returned. I cried out in agony at the same moment as she pushed me away from her with a violent shriek, sending me thundering back into a massive tree trunk, which dented from the sheer force of the impact.

No, this girl was definitely not human.

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**A/N: You didn't see that one coming, did you? But before you reappear wielding torches and pitchforks, hear me out. The next few chapters will be providing more answers than questions. For a change ;)**

**Every review comes with a squee from yours truly, so collect yours now!**


	6. Earthquake

**Chapter 6**

**Earthquake**

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**A/N: My, my, you guys are not impressed with me or Angstward, are you? I admit, leaving you hanging in the meadow was pretty mean, but this chapter will hopefully make up for it and keep the angry mob at bay for a while.**

**I loved writing this chapter but I couldn't have gotten through it without the help of the Preview Dream Team. Mad props go out to Julie for suggesting the perfect end of chapter song and to Katrina for letting me use one of her brilliant thoughts. Also to Tabs and Lily for loving Jake so much, it's inspiring.**

**Muchos gracias mi Hopeful Wager il beta del awesome sauce. Yeah, I totally made that up. I can't speak any Spanish, but she is awesome in any language.**

**This chapter's soundtrack is truly amazing and it would definitely add to your reading experience to listen to the songs while you read. Seriously. Do it. The updated playlist is on my bio, so you don't even have to look very far ;)**

Hide and Seek – Imogen Heap

Earthquake – The Used

Breathe Me – Sia

**I do not own Twilight. If I did I would totally be hanging out on the set of Eclipse right now, instead of dreaming about it all day.**

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**BPOV**

_I felt Jacob's warm hand clasped around mine. We were standing on the edge of a steep cliff, the wind howling around us and the sea raging below. I turned to look at him. His gaze was firmly fixed on me. I smiled at him quietly but he did not return a smile in kind. His face contorted in agony as his body started to quake. I dropped his hand and stepped back slowly, afraid to even breathe._

_I was startled by a low growl behind me. I turned in the direction of the sound only to find darkness surrounding me. The growl was approaching me and when I could hear it a short distance away, a pair of dark, glinting eyes emerged from the darkness. The eyes belonged to the massive gray figure, stalking ever closer to me._

_Fear gripped my chest and I found myself retreating further. I gasped as I reached the edge of the cliff, my feet dangerously close to slipping._

_I looked from the growling gray wolf to Jacob's enormous body shaking beside me, unable to move any further._

_In an instant, Jacob's body exploded from his clothes and into the form of a giant russet wolf. I tried to scream but no sound escaped from my lips. I struggled desperately to keep my balance on the edge of the cliff but I could feel the unstable rock giving way beneath me._

_The Jacob-wolf was snarling at the gray wolf, his teeth now bared as he moved closer still. Before I could take another terrified breath, the gray wolf leapt into the air in my direction. The Jacob-wolf leapt a moment later, his claws outstretched._

_But it was too late._

_The colossal gray wolf's paws collided with my chest the moment before Jacob caught its hindquarters between his teeth._

_I tumbled over the edge of the cliff into the violent waves below, my screams lost between the sounds of snarling wolves and brutal storms. I crashed into the freezing water, the waves immediately thrashing me against the jagged rocks that surrounded me. Searing pain shot through my entire body as my head connected with a sharp ledge._

_I wanted to fight to free myself from the suffocating waves, but my arms hung limply at my sides. I gasped for air, but all that filled my lungs was icy water._

_The cold was gripping my shoulders, shaking me gently. _Gently?_ I didn't understand._

"_Bella," a voice whispered from beyond the waves._

_I tried to open my eyes to find the origin of the familiar voice._

"_Bella!" it urged, more insistently this time._

My eyes fluttered open as I sat up with a start, but I immediately squeezed them shut when harsh light assaulted my consciousness. My head was throbbing and I fought back nausea. Something pushed me back against my pillows.

My pillows? I was in my bed? Was it just a dream? Why was my head aching in the exact same spot as the dream?

"Jake?" I croaked, my hand unexpectedly connecting with something cold and hard.

I forced my eyes open, trying to establish what exactly was going on around me. I winced against the light again, but kept my eyes open, waiting for the haze to clear.

When my eyes finally focused I saw a breathtakingly beautiful smiling face above me and I was instantly convinced that I was still dreaming. I squeezed my eyes shut again and opened them to find the wonderful angel face still staring down at me.

A glimmer of recognition rushed through my mind, but I dismissed it immediately. It couldn't be… I was definitely still dreaming.

"You gave everyone quite a scare," the wind-chime voice tinkled in the air around me.

It was unmistakably her, but I was still hesitant when I answered, "Alice?"

"Bella?" she chuckled, clearly finding my confusion amusing.

I blinked for a moment in complete astonishment as the reality of the moment dawned on me. Sitting on my bed, exactly as astonishingly gorgeous as I remembered her, amber eyes twinkling back at me, was Alice. My heart felt like it could burst with joy.

I lunged forward and pulled her into an enthusiastic hug, squeezing her unyielding body with all my strength. "It's really you," I sobbed into her shoulder.

She giggled again, returning my over-eager embrace with as much force as she could without crushing me. "It's really me," she affirmed.

"I've missed you so much," I cried, trying to wipe my tears with my sleeve, but they were falling too fast. "Every day, I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, Bella, every day."

"Are you just repeating everything I'm saying?" I giggled, sniffling loudly.

"I guess I am," she laughed, releasing me from her embrace. She held on to my shoulders as she looked at me, concern heavy in her eyes. She brushed the tears from my cheeks and asked, "How are you feeling?"

I grew instantly aware of the throbbing at the back of my skull. "My head is killing me."

"Stupid dog," she grumbled, her face contorting into a scowl. "You have a concussion."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"You don't remember what happened?" She stroked my hair lightly and her expression softened.

I frowned, trying to recall my last conscious thoughts. I drew a sharp breath as it all came rushing back to me.

The meadow.

Laurent.

Jacob.

"Jake," I breathed, feeling the blood draining from my face. I felt nauseous as I remembered the confusion and anguish on his face. I still couldn't wrap my mind around it all.

Had he really turned into a…

As if reading my thoughts, Alice said, "You didn't know he was a wolf, did you?"

I shook my head silently, the reality of her words pressing down on me.

"From what I can gather, he didn't know either, so he wasn't hiding it from you, if that's what you're worried about."

I shook my head again and asked, "Where is he? Is he okay? Did Laurent hurt him?"

"Charlie phoned Billy who said Jake was with the doctor on the reservation. I doubt that Laurent caused any lasting damage, if he even had an opportunity to defend himself. Jacob took care of him quite quickly."

"Jacob _killed_ him? _My_ Jacob killed a vampire?"

"Not too bad for a first timer, I'd say," Alice commented, one corner of her mouth turning up into a knowing smile as she nodded thoughtfully. She was clearly impressed.

I stared at the window for a moment, trying to make sense of what Alice was saying. "Wait, what time is it?" I asked, noticing the strange angle that the light was entering my room.

"It's almost 4 PM," she replied.

Thinking back on the time frame, I was relieved that I hadn't been unconscious too long.

"How did you get here so fast?" I asked, settling back against my pillow when the pounding in my head became too much.

"I only got here late last night. I did my best, but I wouldn't exactly call it fast."

"Last night?" I frowned.

"It's four o' clock on _Sunday_, Bella."

"Sunday?" I asked shakily. "I've been out for more than a day?"

"Apparently you came to long enough for them to establish that you were okay, but the doctor gave you a huge dose of medication, so I'm not surprised that you don't remember it."

"I don't understand what happened," I complained as different thoughts and scenarios played out in my mind.

"I can only tell you what I saw in my vision and what Charlie told me," Alice responded, shrugging her shoulders, "but I'm pretty sure it's not the entire truth."

My frown was becoming painful as our conversation progressed. "Please, just tell me what you know."

"I saw you in the meadow with Jacob and Laurent, but just as Laurent got ready to lunge at you, your entire future went black." My mouth stayed agape as she spoke. "That's when I phoned you. I was afraid you were going to die and I wanted to warn you."

I gripped her hands, trying to comfort her. Her face was still clouded with would-be grief, despite her obvious relief.

"Jasper and I drove here as fast as we could, although we knew it would be too late by the time we got here."

"Jasper is here with you?" I interjected, "And the others?"

"We were the only ones close enough to get here in a few hours. The others know the situation. Emmett and Rosalie are still in Asia. Esme and Carlisle were on their way, but I told them to turn around when I found out you were all right. They still wanted to come, but I thought it might be too much for you at once."

I felt disappointment involuntarily settle in the pit of my stomach. I realized I was being greedy for wanting to see them all. I also noticed the name she had not mentioned. I fought the urge to ask the question burning inside of me and pushed the uncomfortable thoughts aside. I urged Alice on, eager to fill in the rest of the blanks.

"When I got here, Jacob's friends had just left and you were already asleep in your bed. Charlie wasn't impressed, to say the least."

"Jacob's friends?" I almost demanded. "Which friends?"

"Charlie said it was Jared and Paul. They took you to the hospital to get checked out, then brought you back home."

My mind was racing. Jared and Paul definitely weren't Jacob's friends. They were Sam Uley's friends. The same Sam Uley, who had taken Embry away from his friends. The same Sam Uley who had found me in the forest _that_ night. I couldn't fathom how they were all involved.

Tears started to well in my tired eyes as my frustration mounted. "What did they tell Charlie about what happened?"

"They said they had come across the two of you while they were hiking in the woods and that a big branch had fallen, knocking both of you unconscious. They made it sound like Jacob had gotten the brunt of it and Sam and Embry had taken him to the reservation to get checked out. That's why he wasn't with you when they brought you home."

Everything Alice had told me had given me far more questions than answers. My brain struggled to process all the information, but one thing she had said suddenly struck me as very odd.

"Hold on, did you say that my entire future went _black_?"

Alice nodded gravely.

"But _why_?" I choked in frustration. "How am I still alive?"

"You're future didn't go black because you were going to die," Alice answered, "it went black because Jacob phased to save you from Laurent."

"Phased?" I frowned.

"Turned into a wolf," Alice corrected.

"You can't see my future because Jacob is a wolf?" I choked the words out incredulously.

"I can't see parts of your future that involve wolves. After they left you I could see some of it again."

"There are more wolves?"

"Sam, Jared, Paul and Embry are wolves too, from what I can gather."

Random events from the past few months started to fall into place. I thought back to the strange behavior that Jake had described to me and to the day I saw them jumping off that cliff. It all still made little sense to me, though.

"I'm sorry if I'm confusing you, Bella. I think maybe Jacob should explain it all to you when he gets here," Alice interrupted my racing thoughts.

"How do you know when he'll get here? I thought you couldn't see anything where he was involved?"

"Exactly," Alice smiled, "after the next 15 minutes, I can't see a thing."

My heart jumped at the thought of seeing Jake. Then my stomach sank when I realized the implication. The day that Jacob had inadvertently told me that the Cullens were vampires came flooding back. He had told me that day that his ancestors were descended from wolves and that vampires were their natural enemies. There was no doubt in my mind that he knew the whole truth about the Cullens and about my involvement with them.

"That's why Billy wanted me to stay away," I muttered, "He knew the truth."

Alice nodded quietly, but offered no more information.

"Jake will know now, too," I continued, muttering more to myself than to Alice.

The secret that I had kept to myself for so long wouldn't be mine alone anymore. Jacob would know what they were and he would know that I know. I felt a strange mixture of anxiety and relief at the thought. I wouldn't have to hide anything anymore but at the same time I couldn't help but wonder what this would mean for our relationship.

Knowing Jake was a wolf didn't change how I felt about him one bit. In fact, it just confirmed what I had known about him all along: that he was special and unique and different. Add to that the fact that he had saved my life and all I felt for him was warmth and adoration. I just hoped he would feel the same way once he knew what I had kept from him for so long.

"What does this say about me?" I asked suddenly, breaking the silence that had fallen between us. Alice quirked an eyebrow in response. "I've had two boyfriends in my life and they both turn out to be mythical creatures."

The corners of Alice's mouth started to twitch as she tried to hold back her smile. "It's not funny, Alice," I scowled at her.

Alice burst into a fit of giggles, "It kinda is," she laughed.

I couldn't help but join in her laughter. Despite the reality of the situation, it seemed very fitting that I would move to the smallest, wettest town in the United States to fall in love with not one, but two mythical creatures. I couldn't believe that I had ever thought Forks would be a boring place to live.

When our giggles had died down, Alice wrapped me into another tight hug.

"I can tell you're afraid of what Jacob is going to say," she whispered into my hair, "but I saw many visions of the two of you these past few months. They were all quite blurry but the look on his face every time he was with you was undeniable, Bella. Whether he was laughing or joking or worried or serious, every expression would convey the same thing: I love you, Bella Swan. The boy is nuts about you and I know you love him too; nothing is going to change that."

I thought of the way Jacob's eyes would soften when his eyes met mine. I thought of the way they blazed when he leaned in to kiss me and how they smoldered when he had to pull away. I thought of the tender way he touched me, as if he treasured every moment we spent together. I thought of the day on the beach when he had promised to make me as happy as he could, and how he had kept his promise unwaveringly since that day.

Alice pulled away from me and covered my hand in both her small, icy palms. "Your future is so intertwined with his, Bella, there's no way you're not going to be together. I can barely see any part of your life anymore. You have both decided what you want and you're sticking to it."

I smiled a small, grateful smile at Alice, feeling most of my anxiety dissolve. I knew I was being irrational, but I had no idea how to react to this situation, or how Jake would react to it. I felt completely out of control and I didn't like it at all.

"I have to go now. You two need to talk alone," Alice said, stepping back from my bed.

"Will I see you again?" I asked, anxiety mounting again.

"We'll stay for a while, don't worry. I'll drop by again tomorrow to see how you're doing," she said with a kind smile. Before I could thank her, she had turned to disappear down the stairs.

I heard her whispering in hushed tones with Charlie followed by the click of the front door as she left. Charlie's footsteps sounded downstairs, indicating that he was on his way to check on me. I felt apprehensive at the thought of spinning some cover story to Charlie, especially considering that I wasn't filled in on all the details myself.

I just wanted to see Jacob to prove to myself that he wasn't hurt and I knew that I wouldn't be able to focus until then. I heard a knock at the front door, which abruptly halted Charlie's footsteps. My heart started to race with anxiety and excitement at the thought of seeing Jacob. I was thankful to a degree that I hadn't had much time to worry about his reaction. If I had had to endure an entire day of not knowing, I would have been a wreck by now.

I strained my ears to hear the conversation that Charlie and Jacob were having. I couldn't make out the words, but Charlie's tone sounded concerned. I couldn't quite place Jake's tone; I only knew that it was one I had never heard from him before.

I decided to take advantage of their exchange to take make a short trip to the bathroom. Seeing myself in the mirror was scary, to say the least. I tried to tame my tangled hair with little success and gave up quickly, splashing some water on my face and returned to my bed.

After what felt more like hours than minutes, I heard Jake stride up the staircase in a few short bounds. He came to stop at the top of the stairs and filled my doorway a moment later. I gasped slightly at the sight of him and sat up in my bed, tears welling in my eyes. His expression was one of complete torture and worry. I wasn't sure whether it was for me or for the whole situation, but it caused my heart to tighten in my chest despite the relief that I felt at seeing him alive and well in front of me.

His beautiful, long hair was in disarray and he wore nothing but a pair of cut-off denim shorts. I stared at him in amazement, wondering how a person could change so much in a day. It seemed impossible, but that day had aged him. No traces of his boyish features remained. He had grown what appeared to be at least half a foot and the muscles of his chest and abdomen rippled as he breathed his steady breaths. He remained still in my doorway, staring at me with a staggering intensity that I couldn't gauge. It scared and excited me at the same time.

I couldn't endure another moment of separation between us and I simply stretched my arms out to him. He didn't hesitate before closing the space between us with two effortless strides and crushing me into a desperate embrace. I gripped onto his bare back for dear life, my tears finally spilling over. "I was so afraid I was going to lose you," I choked through my tears, "I'm so glad you're okay. I don't know what I would've done if…" I trailed off, unwilling to give the thought an opportunity to play out in my mind. Jacob pulled me even tighter against him, shaking beneath my grasp.

"Bella, I've never been so terrified in my entire life." His voice was strangled with emotion that tore my heart to shreds. My tears streamed freely down my cheeks and onto his bare chest. "I knew that _thing_ was going to hurt you and I didn't know what to do but I knew that I had to do _something. _And then, everything inside me felt like it was about to explode and the next thing I knew I was tearing him to pieces. I was completely out of control and you were standing right there. I could've hurt you so easily. And then Paul, the stupid asshole, hurt you instead. I wanted to kill him."

All the questions that were burning inside of me were being pushed to the side. All I wanted to do at that moment was be close to Jacob and savor the feeling of his blazing skin pressed against mine. "I'm fine Jake," I reassured him, "we're both fine." The words were simple but they seemed to calm us both.

He pulled me onto his lap and cradled me to him desperately, peppering my face with frantic kisses. I returned his kisses with equal fervor, finally finding his mouth and pressing my lips to his urgently. I dug my hands into his hair, pulling him as close to me as I possibly could. His strong arms enfolded me completely, crushing me to him like he never wanted to let me go. I moaned softly into his mouth as his tongue found mine, satisfying some of the closeness I was craving.

My mind was drowning in a haze of relief and urgency. Seeing Jacob before me, feeling his heart beating frantically against my chest, made me realize how close we had come to losing each other. I had taken for granted how essential Jacob was to my existence. In the first short week of our altered relationship, I had become addicted to his passion for us and the ease with which he lived his life. He made me love being alive with him and I knew that I couldn't bear being without him ever again. Jacob was no longer optional in my life.

He pulled away suddenly, his eyes blazing back at me. "Bella, I know I promised we would take things slow, but I can't do it. There's just no way I can keep it in anymore. I was away from you for a day and I felt like something was dying inside of me. When I'm not with you, all I can think about is being where you are. And when I am with you, all I can think about is being closer to you."

I was speechless at his abrupt declaration, but my heart was soaring with its implication.

"Bella, you're the only thing in the world I can't live without. I _love_ you," he emphasized the word with overwhelming conviction, "I love you completely and recklessly and I know you love me too. I just need to hear you say it. Say you love me like I love you, without doubts or caution or limits. Please just say it."

My heart was thundering violently in my chest. I had always known that Jacob loved me, but I never knew that he loved me with such a fiery intensity. Everything inside of me was screaming with the realization that I felt exactly the same. My words came so suddenly, I thought them for the first time as I said them out loud.

"I don't want to go slow either. I love you more than I thought was possible. I didn't know I had it in me anymore to love _anyone._ But I love you too, Jake. Recklessly, without a doubt, without limits, I love you."

Jacob's face broke into the most joyous smile I'd ever seen. His lips crashed into mine again and I gasped at the intensity the kiss. At that moment I realized that Jacob had been holding out on me, probably for fear that the overwhelming force of it would have scared me away. But I wasn't scared. I poured every emotion I was feeling into that kiss, feeling the reckless urgency wash over me. We kissed like it was the first time, like we were inventing it.

I was completely lost in it when I heard Charlie yell from downstairs, "It's awfully quiet up there!"

Jake and I broke apart, giggling. "We're fine, Dad!" I yelled back, trying to stifle my laughter. Jake touched his forehead to mine momentarily and pulled away, placing a soft kiss on the tip of my nose.

"We should probably start talking if we want to keep Charlie satisfied," Jake said softly, stroking my cheek.

"We do have a lot to talk about," I agreed.

He sighed a weighty sigh as he moved me off his lap. I sat cross-legged on my bed and he turned to face me. "So, yeah, I'm a werewolf," he said matter-of-factly, shrugging his shoulders, "who knew?"

I smiled wryly at him. His tone attempted to be light, but I could tell that he wasn't at all happy about it. I took his hand in mine. "You're one kick-ass werewolf who saved my life," I amended.

"Sam says it was instinct," he mused, "and long overdue."

"You're going to have to be less cryptic if you don't want me to ask a billion questions," I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Okay, let me just think of where I should start off and I'll try to tell you everything," he said, his eyebrows knitting together in concentration. He stroked the back of my hand absentmindedly with his thumb while he thought. The small gesture relaxed me a great deal.

"So, it turns out that Sam, Jared, Paul and Embry are all werewolves. The reason they had to keep themselves isolated was because it's the biggest secret of our tribe. No one besides the pack and the elders know. All the time I thought that Sam had stolen my friend from me, he was just protecting the secret and teaching them to be… well, what they are. Sam was the first to phase and he was all alone. He didn't have a clue what was happening to him and he had to go through it all by himself. At least with the others there was already someone there, in their heads, ready to explain to them."

"In their heads?" I inquired. I didn't want to interrupt Jacob but it was difficult to follow his train of thought.

"When we're in wolf form, we're all mentally connected. It's the weirdest thing, to have all these people in your head. When I phased to attack that bloodsucker the first thing I heard was them cheering me on. It was pretty awesome," he grinned. "Well, as awesome as anything could be when you don't know what the hell is happening to you."

I squeezed his hand, urging him on. "Then Sam ordered Paul to get you out of the way so I wouldn't hurt you. It was terrible, thinking that I could hurt you. I felt like a total animal." He hung his head as he spoke, clearly troubled by the thought.

"So Paul was the gray wolf that pounced on me?" I asked, trying to distract him from the disturbing thoughts he seemed to be having.

"Yeah, what a dumbass. He could've just nudged you out of the way but he had to be all dramatic. You hit your head on a rock when you fell and passed out."

"I gathered as much," I said, touching the tender spot at the back of my head for emphasis. Jacob shook his head apologetically and continued, taking my hand in his again.

"All I wanted to do was get to you, but Sam wouldn't let me near you while I wasn't in control. He told Paul and Jared to take you to the hospital to get checked out. They decided to tell Charlie that they had found us while they were hiking and that a branch had fallen on us and that they had taken me to the doctor on the rez to get checked out. It's pretty lame but I guess Charlie bought it and at least he wasn't pissed at me when I got here. He was a bit suspicious about my lack of visible injuries, though."

"Yeah, you're not leaving much to the imagination, are you?" I chuckled, admiring his bare body only half-teasingly.

"It's just a practical thing, you have to travel light in wolf form."

"Your clothes don't just magically change with your body like they do in cartoons and movies," I mused.

"Clearly," he grinned. "Billy isn't going to be impressed that I ruined my hiking boots. Apparently you go through a lot of clothes in the beginning, because you can't control it that well at first. I'm actually taking a huge risk coming here while I'm not in total control of it yet. They were really pissed at me when I left, but I couldn't stay away anymore. I had to see you."

"Where were you? Did they take you away somewhere?"

"Yeap, they took me to a safe spot in the forest where they could tell me everything and I could calm down without putting anyone in danger in the process."

"What did they tell you?"

"They told me that we weren't the first ones in the tribe. My great-grandfather, Ephraim Black was part of the first pack, together with Levi Uley, Sam's great-grandfather, and Quil Ateara, my mother's great grandfather."

"Quil? Like your Quil?" I asked.

"His great-grandfather. The Quil you know is my second cousin. That's how they know he isn't far off from changing."

"Why?"

"It's in his blood, just like it's in my blood. We're their direct descendants. I didn't stand a chance and neither does Quil. Sam and the others were keeping tabs on me in the forest today because they knew I was close to changing and they were afraid something would happen to make me lose control and I would hurt you."

I thought back to Jacob's gigantic wolf form, teeth bared, ripping at Laurent's granite skin and knew that the notion of hurting me wasn't that far fetched. I just couldn't imagine that Jake could ever hurt me, wolf or not.

"Why haven't there been wolves since your great-grandfather's pack?" I wondered out loud.

"We only exist as wolves when we need to. It's nature's way of protecting our tribe. We transform when _they're_ around," he curled his lip back in disgust as he spoke.

"They being?" I asked although I already knew the answer.

"Vampires," he said, his voice thick with implication. I swallowed nervously. Although I knew I didn't have to doubt in Jake's love for me, I was worried about what he would have to say.

"So you know," I whispered.

"Yes, I know," he responded, his gaze fixed on my hand folded in his. "I don't even know what to say. I can't change your past, so I guess I'll just have to accept it. As for the present," he gripped my hand slightly tighter, "I know one of them was here. I can smell it all over the place. Your room reeks."

"It was Alice, the one who phoned me to warn me before… you know, with Laurent in the meadow. She was just checking up on me earlier to see if I was okay."

Jacob's head jerked up to meet my gaze. "She phoned to _warn_ you? How the hell did she know?" he demanded.

"She can see the future," I answered. "Well, parts of it anyway. She can't see anything involving wolves."

Jake mulled over what I had said for a moment, dropping his gaze to examine my hand again. "Sam mentioned that some of them have superpowers when he told me about them. It's just weird to realize that it's true."

I could tell that he wanted to ask about the other Cullens, but he was hesitant for some reason. I wasn't willing to offer any more information at the moment either. I felt uncomfortable discussing them with him, witnessing his apparent disgust with them.

"So, what happens now?" I asked, breaking the silence and changing the subject.

"Sam wants to do some kind of wolf pack boot camp with me, to teach me how to fight properly and how to control my phasing. He also says I have to cut my hair, like the rest of them."

"But why?" I demanded in horror, "your hair is so beautiful." I reached out to touch a silky strand tenderly. He leaned his head against my hand, sighing. "It's another practical issue. If my hair is long as a human, my fur will be long as a wolf. It's gonna get in the way all the time."

"Can't you find some way around it?" I almost begged, knowing I was being selfish. I loved Jake's hair.

"I don't have much of a choice, I'm part of the pack now. I have to do what the pack does and I have a lot to learn."

I fingered his hair absentmindedly, thinking of how I was going to miss how it cascaded down his broad shoulders and how it tickled my face when he kissed me. "I'll cut it for you," I said suddenly. He turned his head to frown at me. "Please just let me do this. They're going to steal you away from me for wolf pack boot camp soon and make you cut your hair anyway. At least this way you have some choice in the matter and I get to be a part of it, too," I said and added, "if it's okay with you?" when I realized I was being presumptuous.

He smiled at me lovingly, taking the hand that was touching his hair and kissing it tenderly. "I would love that, Bella. I want you to be part of this with me. You're a part of me now and I want to share everything with you."

I leaned forward and kissed him gently but firmly before getting up from my bed to find a pair of scissors. I rummaged in my desk drawer until I found them. I pulled the desk chair out and positioned it in front of the mirror mounted on my closet door, gesturing to Jake to sit down.

"Slouch down a bit, you're too tall," I joked. Sitting down, he was almost as tall as I was. I could barely see my reflection in the mirror in front of us. "Quit it with the tall jokes," he scoffed back at me, but lowered himself anyway.

I ran my fingers through his gorgeous dark hair, savoring the feeling for a last time. I gripped a strand between my fingers and poised the scissors to start cutting. Somehow the moment felt very symbolic and I felt contented that I could be part of his change in some way and help him to regain some control.

I took a deep breath and started to cut, the strands falling lightly to the floor. I went to work carefully so as not to injure him with my lack of hand-eye coordination. He sat in silence, all the while his eyes fixed on my reflection in the mirror, never leaving me for a second. His expression was a mixture of awed adoration and gratitude. I had never felt more connected to him than I did at that moment.

When I finished, I brushed the last few loose strands from his shoulders, admiring my handiwork in the mirror. "What do you think?" I asked him uncertainly.

He looked slightly different, more severe with the short hair, but in his eyes I could still see my Jacob. "I think it's perfect," he replied, rising from the chair to take me in his arms.

"You're just saying that to score points," I teased, settling my hands on his arms which were circled around my waist.

He smiled slightly at my teasing tone, but his expression remained intense. "Thank you, Bella, for doing this for me, for accepting me," he whispered.

"You're my Jacob, nothing can change that," I whispered in reply, realizing how true the words were.

We stood there for a while, wrapped up in each other's arms, savoring the perfect moment of togetherness before we would have to return to reality.

"I love you," I whispered eventually.

"Recklessly," he replied.

**

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A/N: *swoon* I heart Jake. If you heart him too, leave him (and me) some love.**

**Next time we'll be switching back to Edward's tale. I've updated the story banner to include the mystery girl, as a little teaser for you all. You can find the link on my profile ;)**


	7. Standoff

**Chapter 7**

**Standoff**

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A/N: **I have to kick off the longest author note in recent history with an apology. Two months is a ridiculously long time to wait between updates and I'm very sorry about it, but I do have some valid reasons.

Real life was kicking my life repeatedly :( In addition to this, before I started writing this chapter I had a brainstorming session with the utterly brilliant Hopeful Wager about this storyline and she literally _broke my brain. _The back story became a lot more interesting and complex than I ever expected and I had to take some time to do some serious research about it. I hope you'll agree that it was worth it, though ;)

In other exciting news, I wrote a story for the **Love for the Unloved** contest over on called "Chemistry of a Car Crash" and it won in the **Luscious Lemon** category! If you're at all interested in reading, just check out my profile.

Thank you to my wonderful friends for their encouragement and support! **Julie**, my soulmate and **Kay**, my smut sis, ILYSFM.

**Hopeful Wager**, my Obi Wan, my muse, my friend, I continually thank the mystical powers of the universe that brought the two of us together.

We're back on Edward's storyline this time. Even those of you who aren't too fond of Eddie will enjoy this one, I think. As a reminder, last time "Edward got fucking shoved" as one reviewer so hilariously put it.

**Soundtrack **(link on my profile):

Creator – Santogold

Mexican Standoff – Elbow

**Disclaimer:**Time has not changed the fact that I don't own anything related to Twilight. I also don't own the things that Hopeful Wager's genius came up with, but she let me use them anyway. She's awesome like that.

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EPOV**

I felt totally bewildered, settled amongst the splintered chunks of tree trunk, voices still reverberating painfully in my head. The forceful push had caught me completely by surprise and I was frozen in shock. I vaguely recognized the need to defend myself through the haze of voices and incoherent thoughts. My eyes darted around in an attempt to find her but I had no time to react. She reached me in a split second, grabbing me roughly by the throat and flinging me against another tree which dislodged at the roots from the force of my impact.

I landed on the ground with a dull thud and a grunt. My survival instincts came to life, overriding my disorientation. I sprang to my feet immediately, but she was too fast again. She collided with me mid-air and pinned me to the ground, knees to my shoulders, my arms trapped beneath her legs. She grabbed my hair aggressively and pushed my head down into the damp earth beneath. Her previously cherubic face was contorted into a vicious scowl and her teeth were bared. She let out a feral snarl and started to raise her free hand to her mouth.

I didn't know what she was doing, but I was suddenly terrified. I thrashed my shoulders violently in an attempt to dislodge her from me and her small fist collided with my jaw with startling force. She hit me a second time, then a third and tightened her grip on my hair, causing me to cry out in pain.

I reacted with a sudden burst of what would've been adrenaline had I still been human and freed my arms from beneath her entrapment. I grabbed both her arms, crying out again as her grip pulled painfully at my hair, and pinned her to the ground forcefully.

"What do you want from me?" I demanded, fighting against the voices which were still relentlessly assaulting my mind.

She squirmed beneath my grip, but I was holding on to her arms tightly, trying to think of what to do now that I had her trapped. In a flash of searing white light her bony knee connected with my crotch and I collapsed next to her, clutching my pulsing groin and groaning in agony.

In my century of existence as a vampire, no one had ever kicked me in the crotch. It hurt like hell.

I was still crumpled and whimpering when she sprang to her feet and bent down over me, grabbing me by the hair and dragging me to the nearest tree. She proceeded to yank me up and pushed me roughly to its trunk. Her hand was clasped around my throat, her nails effortlessly digging into my granite skin. Her knee was pressed firmly against my tender groin as a silent warning. I knew better than to struggle.

Her face was right up against mine, her unique scent swirling around me, her turquoise eyes blazing. Her chest was heaving determinedly, leaving me no doubt that she was deathly serious. She was tall for a girl, standing on her toes as she was now, her eyes came almost level to mine. Her grasp was unyielding and scarily forceful. Fear gripped me suddenly, drowning out the voices which were still screaming in my mind. All I could hear was her labored breathing.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you," she seethed.

My first impulse was to brush it off as an empty threat. Vampires couldn't be killed so easily. "Kill me?" I retorted almost smugly. "I doubt it."

"Try me," she hissed and tightened her stranglehold on my throat.

I gasped as the image of a crimson-eyed vampire flashed through my mind. I saw him through her eyes, pinned beneath her much as I was now, clearly in shock. She pulled his mouth open and poised her finger, letting a single drop of blood fall from its tip. She forced his mouth shut again and he grimaced for a moment before his face contorted into an agonizing scowl, the red of his irises seeming to dissolve into the white of his eyes. His entire body started to convulse violently, causing cracks to appear in his marble skin, which crumbled into nothing more than dust. Only a small pile remained.

I swallowed heavily. I couldn't make any sense of it, but knowing of what the girl was capable, I decided not to antagonize her any further.

"I mean you no harm," I choked out, the muscles of my throat crushed beneath her grip.

"You are vampire, it's your nature to mean harm."

Her lips were at my ear, forcing me to focus on every small sound she made. Her breathing had slowed to a rhythmic pace, which I found more worrying than the frenzied gasps of before. What unsettled me further was that I couldn't single out her thoughts between the masses which had now become background noise; I couldn't gauge what she was thinking. I was left with only the sparse visuals she was offering, which were nothing short of terrifying. She was a deadly creature who could end my existence at any moment and I was going to have to be cautious if I as going to get out of the situation unscathed.

"I'm not like other vampires," I wheezed. "Look at my eyes. I don't feed from humans."

"That proves nothing," she retorted, raising her free hand to her mouth again. This time I knew exactly what she was planning, remembering the disintegrating vampire beneath her grasp.

"I only drink animal blood, you have to believe me." I was scrambling for a way to prove my sincerity to her. I thought of the day before, of resisting the urge to massacre that village and killing the jaguar instead. I thought of my hunting trips with my family, of Emmett's affinity for bears and mine for mountain lions. I thought of how we joked that if deer were appetizers, then dessert was moose mousse.

I felt her grasp on my throat loosen slightly and turned my head to find her staring at me with skeptical curiosity. I realized then that she could either hear or see my thoughts, too. The realization gave me hope. Maybe I would be able to convince her after all?

I started to think of every member of my family, focusing first on a memory of them hunting animals and then on their amber eyes. I thought of Carlisle and his tremendous control, how he was able to stitch up wounds daily at the hospital without ever causing harm to come to a single human. My mind involuntarily flashed back to the last time I saw him stitching up a wound: Bella's birthday party.

It all came flooding into my consciousness. Bella. Protecting her from Jasper, from James, from those cretins in Port Angeles, from Tyler's van. Smelling her perfect scent which would always call to me, holding her delicate human body to mine, kissing her impossibly soft lips but never acting on my instincts.

The girl drew a sharp breath as the images of Bella flashed through my mind.

"A _human_?" She dropped her hand from my throat and staggered back a few steps, bewilderment apparent on her face.

I sank to the ground, shocked and coughing redundantly, clutching my throat. In an instant the searing pain of the screaming voices returned to my mind, making it near impossible to focus on anything else. I looked up to the girl who was gripping her hair in what seemed to be frustration. Then I noticed that her face was contorted in the same look of pain that I was sure mirrored my own.

"Are you doing this to me?" I demanded.

"We're doing it to each other," she hissed through clenched teeth.

"What?" I was very aware of how my ability worked and I was sure that I wasn't capable of any kind of mind torture.

She took a few hesitant steps back toward me, eyeing me warily. Kneeling down before me, she looked into my eyes intently and took my face in her hands, firmly but not as violently as before. Her fingertips were warm on my cheeks and I was momentarily lost in the turquoise blaze of her eyes before I realized that the screaming in my mind was subsiding.

"Tell me about your human," she whispered.

"Bella," I murmured.

"Tell me." Her voice was still a whisper but this time it was demanding.

"She is my life. Everything. I love nothing and no one above her. I would lay down my life – my existence – to protect hers."

"Where is she now?"

"Home. Safe."

"Safe from what?"

"Safe from the danger caused by my presence in her life."

"You said you only drink animal blood?"

"There are other dangers to her besides my blood lust."

"I don't…"

She trailed off, staring into my eyes as if she would find the answers to all her unspoken questions in them. Her mind was racing, causing her forehead to crinkle with concentration and confusion.

By this time I had been able to isolate a singular voice amidst the frenzy that had been assaulting me before. The others had become a mere whisper beneath the unique sound of her thoughts. I could only understand the occasional word. The language of her thoughts seemed Spanish on the surface but it was tainted by a dialect I had never heard before. I caught glimpses of words which were reminiscent of both Arabic and Turkish but nothing solid enough for me to follow what she was thinking.

The visuals I was getting were too random to be useful either. She replayed my memories of my family and Bella in her mind, mixed in with images of other people I had never seen before. Suddenly she flashed to an image of me crouched over a jaguar, sucking greedily at its neck.

"You saw that…"

She nodded.

"But then you know that I'm telling the truth about not feeding from humans?"

She nodded again.

"Then why do I need to explain myself to you? You've seen your proof for yourself."

She hesitated for a moment, clearly debating with herself whether she was going to answer my question or not. Her fingers tensed against my cheeks.

"I didn't know whether I could trust what I saw. I still don't know if I can trust you."

Images of vicious, snarling red-eyed vampires flashed through her mind, hundreds of them. Some of them were flying at her, others were being chased by her, others were trapped beneath her grasp. I shuddered at the immense hatred that tainted every one of the memories. I could suddenly understand her reluctance to believe me. Vampires by nature were evil: greedy and deceitful and selfish and unscrupulous. If I had never met Carlisle, I would've been one of them and I would also have believed that it wasn't possible to be any different.

I brought my right hand to her left one that was still on my cheek as a gesture of comfort. She reacted instantly, pulling her hand from mine abruptly and trapping my wrist in her now familiar death grip.

"You only move when I say you move," she warned in a deadly tone of voice.

"Please," I pleaded with her, "everything I've told you is the truth. I live among humans with my family and our intention is to coexist peacefully. I mean no harm to them or to you. I give you my word."

"Why would your word mean anything to me?" she spat back defensively.

"It's all I have to offer."

She was clearly taken aback by my response. Her mouth was open as if she was about to retort, but she couldn't form the words. Her thoughts were screaming, _"Seni güvenemem! Seni ben güvenlikli yapmayın!"_

I thought I recognized the word Turkish word for "trust" and decided to use my last resort. I decided to dazzle her.

"Lütfen," I whispered pleadingly, "beni güvener misin?" I hoped what basic Turkish I knew would get through to her.

Her face softened at my words and her mind flashed to a young, sandy haired man with striking cerulean eyes. The image was gone a split second later. She dropped my wrist from her grip reluctantly and sat back onto her heels. I mirrored her, leaning back against the tree she had pinned me to minutes before.

She was having some kind of mental conversation with herself at the speed of light. I had no hope of following it, so I tried instead to examine her facial expression to gauge her current state. Her frown was so deep it appeared painful; her jaw was clenched, as were her fists. Her eyes were fixed on my hand which was rubbing the wrist that she had nearly crushed. I felt fairly certain that she had decided to believe me, but her remaining hostility towards me was apparent.

"Maybe we should start over?" I offered, leaning over and holding my hand out to her. "I'm Edward Cullen and I come in peace," I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

She didn't crack a smile. Instead she raised a skeptical eyebrow at me, clearly unimpressed by my attempt at humor. I shrugged and grinned at her crookedly, hoping she wouldn't shove, kick or choke me for it.

"Sashmara," she sighed, taking my hand hesitantly.

The moment she touched me her thoughts became clear to me again. I still didn't understand the language, but it was like I was getting perfect reception. Her hand lingered in mine a moment. I wondered if she was having the same experience.

"Yes," she answered my mental question, "it works both ways."

"So you can hear and see my thoughts the same way I can yours?"

The "yes" she offered in reply was laden with much more than confirmation. There was definitely something more to it, but the look on her face told me that she wouldn't tell me even if I asked.

"You're very perceptive," she mused with narrowed eyes.

"You sound surprised."

"Mind readers are usually lazy. They're so used to being handed all the information they want, they never make an effort to learn the nuances of intonation or subtext or body language."

"That's probably true for most of the others."

I suspected that I had become lazy before I met Bella. Having her mind closed to me forced me to analyze every small crumb she would leave in a quirk of her eyebrow or twitch at the corner of her mouth. This was, of course, besides the blushing and fidgeting and occasional verbal slippage.

"You couldn't read her mind?" Sashmara frowned.

"Not at all." I shook my head.

"She was the only one?"

"Never before and never since have I encountered anything like it."

She thought this over for a moment and I noticed she was still holding my hand in a mid-shake. I pulled back slightly from her grasp and her eyes shot up to mine. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her shorts awkwardly.

"So, this isn't strange at all," she quipped.

"Maybe for you, but I get attacked by scary, super strong girls in the middle of the Bolivian rainforest all the time."

She snorted and rolled her eyes at me. I felt like I was at an open mic night and she was the tough crowd.

She was definitely an enigma. She was strong like me- possibly even more so. She could read minds like me and her skin was almost as hard as mine. But her eyes were the thing that kept me thinking that she wasn't a vampire. I had only ever seen vampires with red or amber eyes. Hers were an undeniably brilliant turquoise, reminiscent of Mediterranean waters. The fact that she had tried to kill me _because_ I was a vampire also led me to believe that she was _something_ else. She was unlike anything I'd ever seen.

Her golden brown curls fell to her waist, accentuating the strange pale tan of her skin. I felt her eyes on me and quickly looked away from the smooth skin of her thighs, examining the damp earth to my side, embarrassed. Of course she already knew I was looking at her. I suddenly empathized with my family who were constantly stripped of their privacy by my ability. I was just getting my own back.

"You don't know what I am?" she asked softly, although she already knew the answer.

I shook my head slightly, still not ready to look at her.

"I guess you wouldn't recognize it unless you had seen it before." The image of two young men standing side by side with her same aquamarine eyes, golden brown hair and distinctive skin tone drifted through our minds.

I jerked my head towards her, my curiosity overriding all else and looked at her imploringly.

"I am what the ancients call anucktumai," she said. I had never heard of anything like it in any language.

She took my frown as her cue. "Melez," she continued, "Híbrido."

Realization slowly dawned on me that was sorely lacking in comprehension.

"_Hybrid_?"

She affirmed me with a nod.

"A hybrid of _what_?"

She snorted a laugh and shook her head at my lack of understanding.

"A vampire/human hybrid," she said matter-of-factly.

It felt as if my mind was struggling to start up. I could feel the cogs turning, working to bring it to life. In a sudden burst, it all exploded in my mind. Something I had thought impossible, convinced myself to be unfeasible was actually entirely achievable. Undeniably, scarily possible and glaring at me with an expression of mounting horror.

My thoughts were in turmoil. Carlisle and I had discussed our theories on vampire/human conception at length and we had both come to the conclusion that the D.N.A was too different to create a successful bond. And even if conception occurred, we were both convinced that a human womb would not be able to sustain a life which was that different from itself.

I dropped my head into my hands, tearing at my hair in frustration. The most terrifying realization was that, if I had ever chosen to act upon my physical desires for Bella with these ill-conceived notions in my mind, I wouldn't have thought of any kind of birth control whatsoever. I gasped for air, thinking that I would've planted my monster seed in her untouched womb and it would've grown until it quite possibly destroyed her. And I would've been the one responsible for her demise.

I was shaking, sobbing, struggling to regain any sense of composure. I had been right to leave. Having me in her life was completely poisonous to Bella's existence.

_I did the right thing. I did the right thing. _I chanted it over and over in my mind.

A warm touch to my hand shook me from my hysteria. Sashmara was leaning forward, her hands gently resting on mine at either side of my face.

"Edward," she whispered. Her bewilderment was obvious from her expression. I lifted my eyes to meet hers. For the first time, the ice within them had seemed to melt and I only found warmth and concern there. "You couldn't have known."

"It doesn't matter," I choked out, "How could I ever have thought I could be with her in that way? Our entire relationship was built on ignorance. I thought we could work around our _differences_," I spat the word in disgust. "But one way or another, my presence in her life was certain to destroy her."

She gently removed my hands from my hair and tried to straighten it out with little success, a pensive expression on her face. She pulled me towards her and wrapped her strong arms around my bare shoulders. I stiffened in surprise, unsure of how to react. This girl had been kicking my ass not so long ago and here she was, comforting me, consoling me, reassuring me. It was difficult to process.

"Stop analyzing it and just go with it, you idiot," she muttered, tightening her grip around my shoulders.

I wrapped my arms awkwardly around her tiny waist, my breathing still labored and erratic. Visions of a pregnant Bella being ravished from the inside by a red-eyed vampire baby were still running rampant in my mind.

"You weren't wrong for loving her," Sashmara murmured, her breath warm against my shoulder.

"How can you say that?" I couldn't help being defensive. She was the product of an ill-advised relationship, not a participant and couldn't possibly understand the constant torment I inflicted upon myself.

"You can't choose who you love."

Her voice remained calm but wavered slightly. The striking young man from before danced through her memories again. She took a shaky breath and pulled me flush against her. A drop of moisture collided with the bare skin of my back and I realized that she was crying. I returned her embrace and felt my breath slowing to a more reasonable pace.

For the first time in a very long time, I felt human.

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A/N:** So, the mystery girl is revealed. Hopeful Wager is amazing for letting me use her interpretation of a hybrid. If you'd like to read more about it, check out "Will You Be Ready When It Comes" (Best. Story. Ever.)

She's also started writing a story called "As If I Never Existed", which is only 3 chapters in and already amazing. Definitely check it out.

**Translations** (with many thanks to HW for her help):

Sash was thinking: "I can't trust you! Don't make me trust you!"

And Edward replied with: "Please, will you trust me?"

If you would like teasers and updates on what's happening in future chapters, please visit the Fix You Twilighted discussion thread (the link is on my profile). I also love playing in Photoshop so I'll post some visual goodies as well.

You can follow me on Twitter too: dahliablack86

You know I squee for reviews, so please leave some love.


	8. Pushing Boundaries

**Chapter 8**

**Pushing Boundaries**

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A/N: **I'd like to start off by welcoming all the new readers! Yes, I've seen you favoriting away and I've loved reading every single one of the reviews! There may have been lots of squeeing involved ;) And a nice warm *group snuggle* to everyone who's been sticking around since I started with this back in July. I love seeing familiar names when I read reviews just as much as I enjoy new ones. You guys rock my world!

I'd also like to take a moment to ask everyone to support the **Fandom Gives Back** initiative, hosted by Ninapolitan, LolaShoes and tby789. Every cent that gets donated will go towards furthering research in the prevention of childhood cancer.

**How can you help?**

By visiting www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com and donating directly.

By visiting the FGB author auction message boards and bidding on or purchasing some of the fics and other goodies that have been put on offer. (There's some really good stuff available, so it's a win-win situation).

By leaving a review for my wonderful beta, **Hopeful Wager**, who has committed to contributing 75c (up to $750) for each review she receives which mentions the word **lemonade**.

You'll be happy to know that we're back on the Jake/Bella storyline this time, which follows on from chapter 6. When we left off, Alice had returned, Jake had transformed and Bella and Jake had confessed their love for each other. This is a bit of a fluffy chapter, because I thought every one involved deserved a bit of a break from all the drama, if only for one chapter.

Also, be sure to read the end notes, I have some goodies there for all of you.

Thank you to my preview girls for their insights, comments and general awesomery.

Thank you to **Hopeful Wager** for her mad beta skillz and unfailing ability to make me laugh. I gigglesnorted more than a few times at her comments on this chapter.

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Soundtrack **(link on my profile)

Make Your Move – New Found Glory

Too Good To Be – New Found Glory

And some Miley Cyrus that's too embarrassing to mention

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Disclaimer: **I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyer owns everything. I'm just giving Jake and Bella the mackage they so surely deserve.

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BPOV**

After Jacob left my house on Sunday night, to return to what he had so aptly described as wolf pack boot camp, Charlie appeared at my door, hesitating slightly. I was gathering up a clean pair of pajamas, getting ready to take a shower before going back to bed. I had all but forgotten about my pounding head and tired body while Jake was there, but now I was aching and exhausted and in desperate need of a shower.

"Hey, Dad," I said quietly.

His features were soft with concern and it made my heart twinge a little. Sometimes it was easy to forget that he would be one of the worst affected people if fate eventually caught up with me and managed to off me, like it had been trying to do since I'd moved to Forks. It was incredible to think how dependent he had become on me in the relatively short time I had lived with him. And, if I was being honest with myself, I had become dependent on him, too, as dependent as I could get on anyone. Charlie was much more of a father to me than Renée was a mother. It was good to let the parent be the parent, for a change.

"Mind if I come in?" Charlie was still hesitating awkwardly in the doorway.

"Sure, we haven't gotten a chance to talk yet."

I sat down on my bed and was extremely surprised when Charlie sat down next to me, putting his arm around me and giving me an uncomfortable squeeze.

"If I didn't know any better, Bells, I'd think you were in one of those horror movies where the kid escapes death and keeps on getting almost killed the whole way through."

I chuckled, shaking my head. "You don't know how many times I've considered that myself."

"Thank God those friends of Jake found you. Who knows how long the two of you would've been stuck out there in the woods if they didn't."

"Yeah, that was really lucky." I stared at my hands folded on my lap, trying to keep my voice steady so I wouldn't tip Charlie off to the group lie that had been fed to him.

"Jake seems okay, though. Not a scratch on him, by the looks of it."

I thought back to Jake's bare torso and denim cut-off clad legs and realized that his lack of visible injury would seem very suspicious to Charlie. Finding out that Jake's newfound wolfishness meant that he healed from injuries in a matter of days was nothing short of an astounding revelation to me. It also proved problematic when it came to keeping up with the lie that the others had told Charlie earlier that day. Jake had tried his best to share all the details of what Embry and Jared had told Charlie with me so that all our stories would corroborate, and I echoed the same story that I knew Jake had told him earlier.

"The tree fell on his thighs, so you wouldn't be able to see all the scratches," I assured him.

The painfully long silence that followed told me that Charlie was analyzing all the holes in our story. The joys of being a police chief's daughter. I silently begged him not to push on about the details. Like why Alice had showed up on the same day I had a near fatal "hiking accident", or how and why Jake showed up a day later with no shirt and no car. Running here wasn't the smartest move on his part, but I couldn't stay irritated at him long enough to control the flutter in my heart when I thought of his urgency to see me.

I had to stifle my sigh of relief when Charlie finally spoke again, dropping the Jake issue. "I think you should stay out of the woods from now on, Bells. At least until we've found that bear that's been spotted by all those hikers. It's not safe, even if Jake is with you."

His fatherly concern sparked some latent guilt within me and I didn't feel the slightest inclination to disagree with him.

"You got it," I replied, still staring down at my lap. "After yesterday I think all my hiking urges have passed."

He chuckled as he stood up from the bed. "I think it's best if you stay home from school tomorrow to rest." He raised a stern eyebrow when I started to protest. "No buts. I already called the principal and told him about the situation and that you'll be back on Tuesday."

His voice had a finality to it that told me better than to even try to argue with him. And I had to admit that another day in bed wouldn't be all that bad, so I just nodded in agreement.

"Good," Charlie said with a slight nod. "There's some Mac and Cheese downstairs for dinner when you're done with your shower."

I felt myself tearing up slightly as he left my room. It felt horrible to lie to Charlie, especially when he showed nothing but concern for my wellbeing. I realized that I had been lying to him almost constantly since I moved to Forks and it had started to nag at my conscience. But I knew telling him about the frankly inexplicable things that I had been keeping secret was entirely off limits. It would be unfair to burden him with that kind of information.

As I stood under the warm spray of the shower, I decided that my only option was to protect Charlie from the unbelievable world I had been dragged into, no matter how many lies and fabrications it called for. That, and show him the love and respect he deserved. And be the best, most appreciative daughter I could possibly be, because I owed my father that much.

***

I woke the next morning to the quiet sound of Charlie peeking in my room to make sure I was all right. I couldn't find the strength to pull my heavy lids open, so I just lay there for a while after I heard the cruiser pull out of the driveway, listening to the morning sounds and trying to structure my thoughts into some kind of coherent order.

After my shower the previous night, I had passed out from exhaustion instantly, falling into a mostly dreamless sleep, save for a few images of wolves chewing on steel. I shuddered involuntarily. I wasn't so sure whether I preferred the new nightmares to the old ones.

I hadn't really been alone long enough to process the events of the weekend, although I had talked to both Alice and Jacob about it. I had gotten most of the facts and details that I needed to know about what had happened in the meadow from them, and made up my mind as to what I thought about it almost immediately. My prior experience with believing the unbelievable may have had something to do with it.

What had happened after the meadow was what I hadn't had time to process yet.

The return of Alice was an unexpected turn of events, one that I welcomed with unequivocal enthusiasm. Having her back for however long period of time was an incredible comfort to me. I wondered if she would check in on me today like she had promised. I wasn't sure what the implication of her presence in Forks would be, but I hoped that she would stay long enough for us to have some kind of meaningful conversation about the months they had been away.

I realized that, in the midst of all the drama, I had never gotten a chance to ask her about exactly where they had all been. I wondered if she would even tell me if I asked.

I slept for a few more hours after drifting back to sleep, a while after Charlie had left for work. I was jostled awake by the sound of raindrops crashing persistently against my window. I forced my eyes open to meet a gloom that had descended on my room. The weather was typical Forks-miserable and my alarm clock indicated that it was already past 10.

I wanted to stay snuggled under my warm covers, but my insistent stomach was driving me towards the kitchen. I threw on my cozy bathrobe and slippers and dragged myself downstairs for breakfast.

I smiled when I saw a foil-covered bowl standing on the kitchen table. The note next to it read, in Charlie's familiar scrawl: "_No pop tarts. Have some oatmeal. Go back to bed. Leftover mac and cheese for lunch_."

I warmed up the oatmeal, added some honey and made some coffee which I sat sipping absentmindedly as I stared out the kitchen window at the stormy sky.

I knew that Sam and the others had taken Jake somewhere in the woods for their "training" sessions. I wondered whether they were out in the rain and whether they returned to La Push at all for meals or sleep. I wondered when and how often I would get to see Jake in the future. It seemed his transformation implied certain responsibilities to the pack. He had mentioned patrolling in the woods in particular. I wasn't enjoying the idea of sharing his time with anyone-or anything- else.

I finished my oatmeal and wandered into the living room, deciding to distract myself with some mind numbing daytime television. Normally I would've preferred reading a book instead, but I knew that I wouldn't enjoy it in my current state of exhaustion.

I had just stretched out on the couch in front of the television and crawled under a blanket when I heard an eager knock at the door.

I opened it to find Alice standing there, barely a drop of moisture on her, arms filled with brown paper shopping bags. My grin mirrored hers as I exclaimed, "Alice!" and let her slip past me into the kitchen.

"I saw that you weren't going to rest properly today, so I decided it was my duty to come make you," she chirped with a wink as she started to unpack the contents of the bags. The plethora of cosmetics worried me slightly.

"This looks like there's a lot of activity involved, Alice." I could feel my stubborn streak start to get the better me, but calmed it when I reminded myself of my fervent wish to see Alice at any cost, not too long ago. She just shook her head in quiet exasperation and continued with the unpacking.

As I examined the items splayed across the kitchen table, I realized that I had no reason not to trust that Alice knew what was good for me. She had a brought a few DVD's with her, including both the _Bridget Jones' Diary_ movies, two of my favorites. I loved all incarnations of Mr. Darcy. She had also brought various snacks and treats, as well as face masks and a foot spa. Clearly, she had relaxation instead of beautification in mind.

"You go get back under the blanket on the couch. I'll bring some supplies in a minute," she ordered with a dismissive wave of her hand in the direction of the living room.

I was smiling inwardly and outwardly. I had no idea why Alice's pushy pampering had bothered me so much in the past. It was unfair towards her to resist her plans for me, when we would both be getting equal joy out of the activities.

She appeared in the living room a few minutes later, balancing a tray of snacks on the fingertips of her one hand and the foot spa filled with warm water in the other. A bag filled with what I assumed to be the cosmetics and DVD's was slung over her arm. She put the foot spa down in front of the sofa where I was seated and set the rest of the items down on the coffee table.

She winked at me as she grabbed the first _Bridget Jones' Diary_ movie and switched it on. "I don't have to be able to see the future to know this is the one you'd choose."

My eyes suddenly clouded with tears. I realized with a start that the wonderful friendship I had built up with Alice- the relationships that had formed with all the Cullens- had been ripped away from me all at once when he had left. I guessed that had been a contributing factor to the near catatonic state I had slipped into afterwards. I had lost an entire family. No- an entire family had been taken away from me.

I tried to push down the bile that was threatening to rise in my throat. This was supposed to be a happy day. I had Alice, I had girly movies and I had snacks. There would be no tears or sadness today.

I caught Alice staring at me with a pensive look on her face. For a moment it looked like she was going to say something, but she seemed to think better of it and plopped down on the couch next to me. "Hugh Grant is such a hottie," she sighed.

"I still prefer Colin Firth," I replied with a small smile. We had had this conversation before and we both knew it. It felt really good to have it again.

"You and your older man fetish." She cocked an eyebrow at me, but her face fell when she saw me wince at her words.

"Oh, yeah," she covered quickly, "you're into the younger ones now. Cradle snatcher." She winked and I breathed a sigh of relief. I hoped we wouldn't have to be dancing around the subject all the time from now on. I would hate for there to be a silent barrier between me and Alice.

"Are you kidding me?" I demanded in mock outrage. "Have you _seen_ Jake lately? _Nothing_ about him hints that he's 17 except his birth certificate."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that, sugar momma." Alice was giggling now and it was infuriating, in that unique Alice way that was actually much more endearing than it was infuriating.

I rolled my eyes dramatically and crossed my arms with a huff. "Don't mock me just because you're an ancient old married lady with a two hundred and fifty year old husband. You _wish_ you could have a hot young boyfriend."

Alice was clearly enjoying the jesting and so was I. The playful banter was making me giddy.

"Who needs 'em young when you can have 'em experienced?" she challenged with raised eyebrow.

My mind was racing, searching for a retort. I probably wouldn't win with the "virile" comeback. I suspected that Jasper was plenty virile. And Jake and I were both sorely lacking in experience.

I was about to admit defeat when it came to me. Alice's eyes glazed over momentarily and the look on her face told me that she already knew what I was going to say.

"Say it," she sighed. "You know you've won."

"It's new," I said, a satisfied smirk plastered all over my face. "We still have firsts to look forward to."

"Do you ever." Alice nodded knowingly. It was by far the most unsettling Alice-facial-expression.

The curiosity was killing me, so I blurted out, "But you can't see my future if Jake is involved?"

"That's true." Her tone was maddeningly cryptic. "I can see my future, though. And I can see conversations we may or may not be having in it."

I swallowed nervously and decided not to prod any further. I needed to have some surprises left, especially if they were as good as Alice was hinting.

We returned to watching the movie, commenting randomly and swooning in the right places. Alice made sure that my feet soaked in the foot spa for a good half hour. It was the perfect remedy for my feet, still aching from Saturday's hike. She also insisted on painting my finger- and toenails. I fought vehemently against the neon pink and acid yellow polish she suggested first, settling eventually on a deep burgundy for both.

Half way through the second movie, I drifted into a peaceful sleep. I woke to find the room dimly lit and Alice flipping through a magazine. "How long was I asleep for?" I asked groggily.

"Just over two hours." She smiled kindly. "I got caught up on my reading, though." She waved the colorful cover of the magazine at me.

"For two hours?" I asked, eyeing the thin book suspiciously.

Alice chuckled and quirked her head to the side. A pile of magazines was stacked next to Charlie's recliner. I laughed and shook my head- trust Alice to keep up to date on the latest fashions.

"You really didn't have to stay, but I'm glad you did. Thanks, Alice."

"No need to thank me, honey." Alice got up from the recliner and sat down next to me on the sofa, wrapping me in a gentle hug. "Today's visit was just as much for me as it was for you."

I squeezed her back with a sigh. "It makes me sad to think you'll have to leave again soon."

Alice pulled back gently, her hands on my shoulders. "Don't worry about that just yet," she said earnestly. "I plan on staying for a while."

"But," I stuttered, "he said…" I trailed off, not really sure about how to form the sentence I was trying to get out.

"I _know_ what he said," Alice spat out suddenly, "but he doesn't choose for me and he doesn't choose for you. He thought leaving would keep you safe, but Laurent could've easily killed you in the meadow. Thank goodness the wolves were around. If _anything_ had happened to you…" Now it was her turn to trail off.

I swallowed heavily. I had no idea that Alice was so resentful over her brother's decision. All the Cullens had left so quietly and suddenly, I was sure that he had all accepted it without question.

"The only reason I agreed to leave was because I saw that you would get better eventually, although I wasn't sure how at the time."

"How much did you see of the past few months?" I asked quietly.

"A lot," she answered with a wry smile. "I was completely miserable for the first few weeks, seeing visions of how devastated you were. Jazz had to work his magic on me more than a few times."

My next question was hovering on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't bring myself to ask it. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to know. I glanced up at Alice who was frowning in frustration. "Just ask whatever you want to ask," she complained, "you're hurting my head."

"Where is he?" I blurted out. I didn't need to say the name, Alice knew.

She hesitated for a moment, but eventually replied, "He's in South America."

I frowned. "What's he doing there?"

"He has his own agenda." Her tone of voice told me that she wasn't going to share much more than that. "But I haven't spoken to him in a while, so I'm not really sure anymore."

An uncomfortable tightness started to form in my chest and I wished I had never asked. Alice's response had granted many more questions than answers and the finality in her reply silenced any further ones that I may have had.

I took a deep breath, attempting to calm the rampant thoughts that were bouncing around in my mind. I had spent months wondering about where he was and what he was doing. And I had spent recent weeks trying- and succeeding- to move on with my life. _It doesn't matter where he is and what he's doing,_ I told myself firmly, _because he isn't here. And that's all that matters._

"So, shall I start up the movie where you fell asleep?" Alice asked, snapping me out of my one-sided mental conversation.

I nodded and leaned back. Luckily, it turned out to be a sufficient distraction to my overactive mind. I spent the rest of the afternoon spending quality girl time with Alice, and was sad when she left. She promised to stop by again later in the week and I wondered whether I would get to see Jasper at all, considering that she had mentioned that he was there with her. I couldn't really imagine how that reunion would play out.

After proving to Charlie that I was adequately rested, he agreed to let me go back to school on Tuesday. No one asked too many questions about why I had been absent on Monday. I was relieved that the news of my "hiking accident" wasn't common knowledge. I suspected Charlie had asked the principal to keep it quiet, which made slipping back into my routine much easier.

Although I couldn't help but think of my conversation with Alice, my thoughts were with Jacob most of the time. I missed having him around- his playful banter and the comforting effect he had on me. When I phoned his house on Tuesday afternoon, Billy answered and assured me that Jake was fine, although he hadn't seen him either.

I phoned again on Wednesday and Thursday, and got the same story from Billy: Jake was fine, he hadn't been home and he didn't know when he was going to be. It was extremely frustrating to me, even though Jake had told me that he would be out of touch and that I shouldn't worry. All the same, I was starting to get sulky about not seeing him. I hadn't been sleeping well all week and by Thursday night I was on edge.

That night I was startled awake by a strange scratching at my window. I sat up, my heart hammering violently in my chest. No one had appeared at my window in… yeah, well, that wasn't important. The important thing was that someone or some_thing_ was trying to get into my room and I had one of two options: going to inspect the origin of the noise or just continuing to cower in my bed while hoping I was imagining things, much like I was now.

The scratching turned to tapping and I heard a familiar voice whisper, "Bella."

I flew out of my bed and pulled my curtains to one side to reveal Jake dangling from my windowsill by his fingertips.

"Jake," I hissed, "what the _hell_ are you doing here?"

I opened the window and stood to one side to let him climb through. What was it with boys and their Romeo urges? Jake launched himself inside, landing in the middle of my room with a surprisingly gentle thud.

I turned to face him, ready to reprimand him for scaring me more than half to death, but my breath caught in my throat when I actually took him in standing in the middle of my small room. The constant shirtlessness had to be some kind of wolf thing, not that I was complaining. His bronze skin was glowing softly in the moonlight that sliced across my room. His muscular legs were clad in faded black jeans that were cut off just above the knees and his feet were bare.

"Since when is it a crime to want to see your girlfriend in the middle of the night?" He shrugged his shoulders and lifted his eyebrows playfully. His eyes were twinkling and my resistance was wavering.

As relieved and exhilarated as I was at seeing Jake for the first time all week, his choice of point of entry didn't sit well with me. The whole scene felt sickeningly familiar and I felt the need to change the circumstances pressing heavily against my heart. Even with all the personal progress I'd made and the ever-growing love I felt for Jacob, I still wasn't entirely put back together yet and the few remaining broken pieces were all reacting fiercely to Jake climbing through my window.

He took a step closer, holding his arms out to me, but I held out my hand to his bare chest, stopping him from hugging me. His expression turned from confused, to bewildered, to just plain hurt. I could almost feel a tiny crack forming in my heart. I didn't want to hurt Jake, but I was determined to do things different between us, do things right.

"Jake," I began, trying to be gentle but firm at the same time, "I don't want you climbing through my window in the middle of the night."

His chin dropped to his chest and his bottom lip jutted out sulkily. That expression was definitely not helping my resolve.

"If you want to see me in the middle of the night, sneak in the front door like a good little cat burglar, please?"

I started to push him back towards the open window and his eyes flickered back to mine. He only looked relieved for a moment before the incredulity set in again.

He eyed the open window behind him suspiciously. "You seriously want me to climb back out the window and sneak in the front door?"

"Yes," I answered with a firm nod, "there will be absolutely no climbing in this window anymore."

Realization set in across Jake's features and I knew he understood the implication of my words.

"_He_ used to…?" Jake looked hurt again, but I knew this was for the greater good, so I pressed on.

I nodded slowly. "So, you need to use the door."

Without any further struggle Jake disappeared, feet first, into the night.

I stood rooted next to the window, momentarily wondering whether he was actually going to come back after I basically kicked him out of my room.

The door handle turned and Jake slipped inside, closing the door quietly behind him.

"This better?" he whispered. I felt instant relief upon seeing that his features were soft and a slight smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

I could only smile in return before he closed the distance between us in one swift stride. He crushed me to him, his lips meeting mine hungrily, stealing the rest of my breath away. His entire body started to relax as he sighed, deepening the kiss. I pressed my body back against his with over eager enthusiasm. Feeling bold, I slipped my tongue into his mouth and found myself groaning softly into his mouth.

My arms circled his naked waist, skin connecting against blazing skin. One hand dug into my hair while the other rubbed up and down the thin t-shirt material covering my back. We were both breathing heavily, intoxicated by our close proximity after not seeing each other for almost a week.

I found my feet drifting towards my bed and I wasn't sure whether it was me or Jake guiding us, but the warning bells started ringing again. I changed direction, causing us to stumble back against the rocking chair in the corner of my room and end the kiss abruptly.

Jake didn't have to say anything, the questioning look on his face and the longing way he was staring at my bed told me exactly what he was thinking.

"No window. No bed," I answered his unspoken question.

"But you… and him… didn't…?" he stuttered.

I snorted. "Not even remotely."

My answer seemed to console him, if not entirely. Some worry lingered on his face as he squashed down in the rocking chair. I couldn't help but laugh, though; he was huge and the chair was delicate and feminine.

"If you say the chair is off limits, too, I'm giving up." He had a playfully apprehensive tone in his voice.

"The chair is safe," I assured him with a chuckle.

"Well, then, don't just stand there. Join me in the safe zone." He quirked his head to one side in that knee-crumblingly Jake way and I had no hope of resisting.

I crawled into his lap and cuddled up against him. I leaned my head back against his shoulder, relaxing into his arms which folded firmly around me. I gazed up at him, focusing on his full lips and stroking his bottom lip with my thumb, which he kissed gently.

"So, is wolf pack boot camp over yet or did General Sam just grant you a leave of absence?" I joked absentmindedly as he rubbed gentle circles on my hip, soothing me with his closeness.

"AWOL, I'm afraid," he smiled.

"You're such a rebel," I gushed jokingly, but a silent thrill shot through me. While I wasn't surprised at Jake's rebellious streak, the fact that he was rebelling to be with me made my heartbeat accelerate. I had it bad for this boy.

"Wild wolves couldn't keep me away from you for too long."

I suspected that he had intended it as a joke, but his voice was husky and his eyes were what could only be described as smoldering. Their intensity made my breath catch in my throat. I looked down at the chipped dark nail polish on my thumbnail in an attempt to keep from squirming beneath the weight of his gaze. When I was with Jacob I always felt slightly reckless. This feeling was being significantly amplified by the quiet electricity that was buzzing in my room.

"So, what kind of training does wolf pack boot camp entail?" I was attempting nonchalant, but my quivering voice did nothing but contradict it.

"We practiced phasing a lot. That's the most difficult thing to control, and also the most dangerous, so I had to get a hold of that first." His voice still had a husky edge and he pressed his cheek to the top of my hair as he spoke.

"And," I whispered, "do you have it under control now?"

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't," he replied, taking my hand gently in his and tracing languid circles on the back of my hand with his thumb.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, no need to risk your safety, no matter how badly I wanted to see you."

"Is it really that uncontrollable?" I asked, watching intently as his thumb moved over my skin.

"You should see Emily. She was motivation enough for me to stay away from you this week." His voice was a grave whisper.

"Who's Emily?"

"Sam's fiancée." He pulled me slightly closer to him as he said this. "Sam lost control once in his early days when he was with her. He nearly tore her face off, and she still has the scar to prove it."

I shuddered slightly. "That's scary."

"Don't worry," he murmured, kissing the top of my hair, "I practiced phasing with Paul. If I can control myself when that dumbass is slinging insults at me, I'm pretty sure that I can handle anything anyone can throw at me."

I chuckled, tilting my face back toward him to plant a soft kiss on his lips. "I missed you. There was no one to make me laugh," I murmured against his mouth.

He smiled against my lips. "Well, if that's all I'm good for, I'll just text you random sarcastic comebacks from now on. No need for one on one time at all."

"See what I mean?" I placed another kiss on his cheek. "I haven't smiled this much all week."

"We can't have any more of that." He cupped my cheek in his hand and kissed the tip of my nose. "I won't tolerate a non-smiling Bella."

I grazed my lips along his jaw lightly. "You'll have to get to work on that immediately, then."

One of his hands tangled into my hair and pulled my lips firmly to his, his other hand was resting lightly on my thigh. Unlike most of our recent kisses, this one wasn't feverish and urgent. It was like he was savoring the feeling of our lips and tongues intertwining. The slow burn was almost maddening.

I glided my hand over his smooth chest, behind his neck, missing the feel of his long silky hair in contrast to the short bristles that remained. The fingers of my other hand were grazing his bare back lazily.

I was completely relaxed and content to stay in his arms all night, exploring his mouth, until I felt his hand start to travel up my thigh, blazing a trail through the cotton of my pajama pants. Our breath started to speed up together. This was very new to me. I had always been the one pushing boundaries, with little success might I add. Being on the receiving end was unexpected and exhilarating, but slightly frightening, considering I had no contingency plan for boundary pushing.

Jacob slipped his fingers under the hem of my t-shirt and brushed them softly over my hip. My heart was hammering aggressively in my chest as he deepened the kiss, squeezing my bare flesh gently. I pulled him closer to me in response, relishing the warmth that was radiating from his hands and spreading through my entire body.

He reacted to my encouragement by trailing his fingers up to my neck and lightly dragging them down my back, causing goosebumps to form beneath his fingertips. I dug my fingers into his skin, pressing my body as close to his as I could possibly manage, but not getting the nearness I was craving. Our kisses started to get rough and needful, gasping for breath.

We broke apart for a moment to catch our breath and I felt my teenage hormones take control. I shifted my position so I was straddling his lap, bracing my knees against the edge of the chair. Jacob's eyes grew wide with surprise at my bold gesture. I clasped my hands behind his neck, my chest heaving. He took a deep, shuddering breath and pulled my lips to his again. I pushed my body flush against his and threw myself into the kiss, teasingly taking his bottom lip between my teeth.

When Jacob gasped I thought I had bitten down too hard, but then my hazy mind registered an unpleasant creaking sound from beneath us. Jake jumped up with a start, clutching me to him and hissing, "Fuck," under his breath.

"That was a close one," I muttered, imagining the look on Charlie's face if he entered my room in the middle of the night to find me straddling Jake on top of a pile of broken bits of chair.

"So, seriously, no bed?" Jake murmured, pressing his forehead to mine so I could get the full effect of his pleading eyes.

I became distinctly aware of the fact that he was still holding me and that my legs were still wrapped around him. It seemed that the universe was providing me with an interruption as a contingency plan. I took it as a sign that we had pushed enough boundaries for one night.

I drew a trembling breath and kissed him softly, lowering my legs to the floor. "No bed," I reiterated. "_I_ will take the rocking chair, since I'd like to keep it intact a little while longer, and you can take the desk chair."

Jake pouted slightly but didn't question or push further at all. I shouldn't have been surprised, though. We had agreed to take things slowly, and even though we had declared our love for each other mere days before, he was still letting me set the pace. I enjoyed being in control.

I settled into the rocking chair and asked Jake more about the pack and the things he had learned that week, in an attempt to lighten the mood. I listened to his stories about his new family and newfound abilities but my mind kept drifting back to what it felt like to be in this chair with Jacob.

I felt the goosebumps spreading over my skin again at the memory.

As Jacob continued to talk, I couldn't help myself from occasionally sizing up the bed from the corner of my room. Even _I _was beginning to wonder if my resolve was going to last on that boundary.

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A/N: **Can I get a group "awwww"? I know I say this every second chapter, but I seriously heart Jake.

I heart Jake so much, in fact, that I wrote a little outtake from chapter 4 in his honor. It's posted right here on FFnet and I hope you'll enjoy the JPOV ;)

Also, keep an eye on the thread (link on my profile) for teasers and other goodies, and follow me on Twitter (dahliablack86) if you want the inside scoop on my writing progress.

I won't be updating FY again for a while. I'm heading into a hectic time at work and when I'm done with that I have a few other projects that I'll be working on. One in particular is a piece I will be writing for Ninapolitan's **Friday Free for All** on Twilighted(dot)net on Dec 11, if you'd like to check it out. But after that, I'll devoting all my attention to Fix You again. Promise.

I love nothing more than to hear what you think. I still squee for reviews. You have the power to make it happen.


	9. Careful

**Chapter 9**

**Careful**

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**A/N: **Merry Christmas lovely readers! One good thing about the holidays- I've had time to write :)

Thanks as always to **Hopeful Wager** for beta skills, friendship and all-round awesomery (and especially for finding time for this chapter before leaving for her own vacation).

Thank you to wonderful, encouraging friends who dragged me into WC's and helped me keep at it.

And thank you to you, for reading, favoriting, alerting and reviewing (and for patience). It still makes me squee every time :)

**Soundtrack:**

L.E.S Artistes – Santogold

Hearing Damage – Thom Yorke

This Is Your Life – The Killers

Careful – Paramore

**Disclaimer: Clearly, I'm not Stephenie Meyer or else New Moon would have had a lot more mackage in it. Also, I've never been to the Amazon, so you can blame Wikipedia for inaccuracies :P**

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**EPOV**

I wasn't entirely sure how long we had been sitting there on our knees, in the middle of the rainforest, clutching at each other and crying- actual tears on her part and dry, racking sobs on my part- but night had descended without me realizing.

In that moment it didn't matter that we didn't know each other at all, or that she had attempted and very nearly succeeded in killing me. Even though she had let her guard down with me temporarily, I could tell by the quiet tenor of her thoughts that she still didn't trust me even remotely. All that mattered was that we were somehow connected through loss, and that she seemed to understand perfectly why I was so hysterically distraught over the thought that I could have impregnated Bella in my own ignorance.

Eventually, she released my shoulders and brushed the wet streaks from her cheeks, shuddering slightly. She stood up and held her hand out to me. "Come with me."

I shot a questioning glance at her, wondering where she could be taking me, especially since her trust issues weren't resolved yet.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "As much as I'd love to leave you here and pretend like this never happened, you look seriously pathetic and I'd never forgive myself if I didn't make you take a shower. It would haunt me forever."

Everything about this girl intrigued me. Every tiny interaction filled my mind with questions and my intense desire to know the answers was silently driving me. Even though I could still hear her thoughts mingled with my own reverberating in my mind, it had quieted to a distant hum. Added to that was her accent, which was the strangest thing I'd ever heard aside from her thrumming heartbeat. It was almost like it was woven together from so many different languages that I couldn't single one out. Her English was crisp and flawless, but she had a slight roll to her R's and her mouth wrapped around vowels in the most unique way. Still, despite all of this, when she spoke, her dialogue was familiar in a way, definitely contemporary. I wondered whether she would answer any of my questions if I asked her.

"Probably not," she interrupted, or rather, intercepted my thoughts.

I was going to have to get used to that.

"Yeah, it's new for me, too." She didn't pause long enough for me to question her statement before continuing, "Are you coming or do you need to be dragged? Because that could be arranged." She flexed her muscular yet still feminine bicep for effect.

I rose from the ground, dusting some dirt from my jeans redundantly. She eyed the muddy, torn material and shook her head disapprovingly.

"You think you can keep up?" she asked, defiance in her eyes.

"Please." I dismissed her with a raised eyebrow.

She smiled dangerously and launched herself into the forest, heading in a Southerly direction. Her speed was impressive but even suggesting that it was any kind of challenge to mine was an insult. I hurtled along after her, following her scent as she had already disappeared from my line of sight between the tangle of tree trunks and roots. It felt good to move again. To me, running was the same as breathing: while it wasn't essential to my continued existence, I grew uncomfortable and restless without it.

I propelled myself forward, lengthening my strides and digging into the earth with increased force. She appeared in view again and I pushed myself forward with some added effort until I was beside her, matching my strides with hers. She didn't slow or speed up after that, rather maintaining the comfortable pace.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked as we ran.

"You'll see," she replied, her breath slightly labored but steady.

We continued in silence for a solid forty minutes, covering a distance of almost a hundred miles, until we reached the edge of the forest.

Her gentle stride tapered down and I came to a halt beside her, just within the cover of the last remaining trees. I wasn't sure exactly what time of night it was, due to the heavy cloud cover and persistent sprinkling of rain, but I estimated it to be late evening. I could see the twinkling outline of a city in the distance.

Sashmara's foreign thoughts were speeding along at an exponential pace again as she surveyed the road ahead of us, which spun along the edge of the trees. I assumed it led to the city.

She eyed me tentatively for a moment before speaking. "I think you should wait here while I go get you something decent to wear. The shirtless thing is great for in here," she gestured to the expanse of jungle behind us, "but I don't think my neighbors would take to it kindly if they saw you."

"You live amongst humans?" I asked with a frown.

"That surprises you?" she countered, somewhat incredulously.

"I guess it shouldn't…" I trailed off, afraid of pushing her too much with the questioning thoughts. "It's just… I haven't been among humans for weeks, and I haven't hunted in a few days. I don't want to be a danger…" I trailed off again, hoping she wouldn't fill in the blanks with a biased mind.

"You can hunt while I get you clothes," she agreed after a moment of mental contemplation. "But don't you _dare_ touch another jaguar. Don't you know that they're endangered?" Her eyes were blazing fiercely with warning.

Judging by the look on her face, arguing the merits of endangered species versus human feeding was not going to go down well, so I just nodded earnestly in acceptance of her request.

She continued to stare me down, her thoughts growing louder and starting to echo mine as she searched through my head for what I assumed were signs of deceit on my part. The noise was starting to hurt my head and I instinctively reached out to touch her, hoping that our communication would become less distorted and more controlled with the contact. She was about to shirk away from my touch when she realized what I was trying to achieve.

Since she didn't put any faith in my spoken words, I decided to try and reach out to her with my thoughts. _"I know you don't trust me, but I hope you'll try."_

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously and her thoughts started to race in that strange language again.

"_And since you mentioned it, a shower would really be nice."_

She snorted quietly and her inner conflict started to quiet down. I was surprised by the small feeling of victory when I realized that I'd won her over on this one.

"Half an hour enough?" she asked, reluctant resignation apparent in her voice.

"I'll meet you back here."

I disappeared back into the humid rainforest in search of anything that would quench my thirst. Well, almost anything. I ran through the endangered species list in my mind, not wanting to upset Sashmara, but feeling confident that I wouldn't find that level of animal this close to civilization.

After running and searching for a while, I caught the scent of a few small wildcats and tried to ignore their unsatisfying tastes while draining them dry.

I sat back against a tree trunk for a moment and wondered at how I had come to be here at this moment in time. It was like waking up from a five-month-long coma. Suddenly, I had diverged from my set path of hunting Victoria, to follow this girl, who had been hunting _me_. It was an incredibly odd situation. I knew I should probably have refused her offer and went along on my own way, but something about her was keeping me there, like she would give me many of the answers that I needed. She was the only other sentient being I had encountered in the past several weeks of tracking, and that had to mean something. It was the only thing I had at this stage, anyway.

I returned to the spot where I had left her to find her leaning against a tree, fidgeting impatiently with the laundry bag in her hands. She had changed from her shorts and tank into dark jeans and a light rain jacket. Of course, she knew that I was approaching but she didn't look up when I came to a standstill next to her. She simply held the bag out to me and continued to lean against the tree, staring into the distance as she waited for me to get dressed. I stripped out of my horribly filthy jeans and put on the dark t-shirt, clean pair of jeans and jacket that she had provided. I even found a pair of really nice sneakers – of the right size, no less – at the bottom of the bag.

I glanced up at her in surprise and she answered before I could ask.

"You're not the only one with a big, perceptive brain around here," she said, tapping her temple knowingly.

I merely nodded and finished tying the laces, before stuffing my dirty jeans in the now empty laundry bag. I rose to my feet and looked at her expectantly for further instructions.

"We can run the last few kilometers until we're near the city, but we have to walk the rest of the way from there. It's not far, though," she said, striding out of the cover of the trees where soft drops of rain started to fall on her already damp hair and shoulders.

She took off into another blinding run and I followed alongside her until we were close enough to be visible in the city lights. We slowed to a walk.

"Where are we?" I asked, unable to gauge our current location.

"Trinidad," she responded simply.

My first instinct was to assume we had somehow been transported to the Caribbean, but I let my mind run through what I knew of Bolivian cities and I realized we were nearing the largest city this close to the Southern Amazon basin. It still wasn't very big in the scheme of things and it wasn't known for much more than being flooded frequently.

"You live here?" I continued to prod as we started to near seemingly dilapidated buildings at the outer edge of the city.

"Yep," she responded quietly.

We walked in silence- well, what I had come to accept as silence over the constant overlapping echoes of our thoughts- for a good few blocks until we arrived at a large, white, three-storey building that seemed to be of an architectural style dating back to the turn of the previous century. It was located on a narrow street, just wide enough for one car to pass, and faint lights dotted a few of the windows.

She took a key from her pocket and turned the lock on the heavy, dark wooden doors. It groaned as she pulled it open and I followed her into the dimly lit foyer. The floor was covered in worn black and white tiles and a single, bare light bulb hung from the ceiling. I followed her up the creaking stairs, past the sound of blaring televisions, lovers' labors, and crying babies, to the third floor, which seemed to be quiet and isolated from the rest of the structure. By the size of the building, I was expecting to see a few apartments on this floor, but only found a singular door at the top of the landing.

She used a different key from the same bunch to unlock the door, covered in peeling cream-colored paint. She turned to me, her hand poised on the doorknob.

"You're not going to make me regret bringing you here, are you?" she asked, her voice and thoughts laden with the need for reassurance.

I shrugged, scrambling for the appropriate response. "I asked you to trust me, so I'll try my best to be… trustworthy?" I hadn't intended for it to come out like a question, but it did because I was similarly seeking her approval of my choice of words.

She mumbled something in her strange mixed dialect and pushed the door open, stepping inside and gesturing me to come in with a bowed head that spoke of hesitance.

Nothing about the outside of the building, or even the interior I had seen thus far, could have even hinted to the sight that met me when I stepped inside. It was like some strange time-warp pawn shop. The room was huge and I couldn't tell which color the walls were painted; they were covered from floor to ceiling by either shelves or art. Every surface was cluttered with some kind of reminder of a time period that had already passed, from obviously expensive antiques to random, quirky curios. One entire expanse of wall was obscured by shelves containing records, tapes, CD's and DVD's, with a huge flat screen television mounted in the middle of it. The sofas and chairs were mismatched and varied dramatically in age. The kitchen was open-plan and surprisingly high-tech, with stainless steel appliances including a giant refrigerator. There was an open door to the side which I assumed led to a hallway and more rooms.

Even for a vampire brain, this was sensory overload. The vast amount of _stuff_ was just too much to take in all at once, and added to the exponential number of questions that this girl had already invoked, it was beginning to make my head hurt.

Sashmara's voice tore me from my frenzied thoughts. "Maybe you should go have that shower now so you can get out of this room," she suggested, "you're giving me a headache, too."

I mumbled my appreciation as I closed my eyes in self defense, grateful for the sudden darkness that started to soothe me. I heard two soft clicks and, as the balance of light against my eyelids changed, I realized that she had turned the main lights off and switched on a smaller lamp.

When I opened my eyes again, the room was dimly lit and Sashmara was approaching me with a towel in hand.

"Bathroom's down the hall, second door on the left. Everything you need should be in there." She handed me the towel and gestured behind her.

The hallway was narrow and had two closed doors that led off it on either side. I turned the knob on the second door on the left as she had instructed, and found a pristine, stark white bathroom with modern chrome fittings.

As I showered, I tried to focus only on the sound of the water pounding down on me, and how incredible if felt to get cleaned up after many weeks without it. Granted, vampires didn't need to shower often, but I was definitely past due on this one. I stood there, trying to enjoy the heat against my skin, but my mind refused to rest.

Eventually, I turned the water off and started to dry myself off, to find yet another clean set of clothes waiting for me on top of the laundry hamper. She had really thought of everything. It puzzled me in a way, to think that she put so much care into a situation of which she was so wary.

I finished dressing and started padding back into the kitchen. As I walked down the hallway I heard the sound of the refrigerator opening, followed by the click of a cabinet door and the clinking of a glass as it was set down on the marble counter and filled with some kind of liquid.

When I reached the kitchen, I turned toward her in the dim light to find her drinking what smelled like milk. I found it so astounding that I couldn't even make my mouth form the words that I wanted to use.

"You're surprised that I eat human food," she echoed my thoughts out loud, glancing at me in amusement.

I simply nodded in response.

"And yet, you also didn't assume I drank blood."

I shook my head.

"So… what? You thought I just magically continued to survive without any form of sustenance?"

I raised my shoulders helplessly. "I haven't really had a lot of time to think about this."

"Okay, I'll give you that," she replied.

I was bursting with all the questions that kept racing through my mind, but didn't ask for fear of damaging the delicate band of trust that had formed between us.

She grabbed a banana from a bowl on the counter, peeled it and started to nibble at it thoughtfully as she stared at me. I knew she was examining my thoughts because they started to echo more distinctly in her mind.

After a few moments of quiet examination she spoke, "Thank you for respecting my boundaries enough to not ask any questions. It makes it easier for me to deal with bringing you here. I have to be careful about my… situation."

I nodded in understanding and waited for her to continue.

"I'd appreciate it if you continued not to voice your questions, but in return I'll offer information if and when I feel comfortable with it." She paused for a moment, gauging my reaction, before speaking again. "You can do the same, if you want."

I realized that if I voiced my questions aloud, she would probably be forced to think the answers, if only involuntarily. I guessed that she would be uncomfortable with me hearing the answers in her thoughts, even if I couldn't understand the language.

"You'll probably catch on soon enough," she replied to my unspoken thoughts wryly.

"It would be nice to do this whole 'answering non-verbal questions' thing to you, too. It's unsettling."

She smirked. "Unsettling is good, means you won't try anything funny."

"I wasn't planning on it," I replied.

She rolled her eyes in response, clearly still not willing to believe me. "Do you think you could cool it with this constant onslaught of mental questions if I answered some of them? You're driving me a little crazy with that."

"That's one possibility. The other being that your answers could spark even more questions, so it's your risk to take."

She barely paused for a second before voicing her decision. "Okay, answers."

She jumped up onto the kitchen counter lightly and sat there, swinging her legs back and forth as she spoke.

"As far as diet goes, I survive very nicely on human food. I could probably also survive on animal blood, but I've never tried. I refuse to let anything die for me to live, which is why I'm a vegetarian."

I couldn't help but laugh at that.

"What?" she demanded.

"My family and I, we think of ourselves as vegetarian vampires, because we only drink animal blood."

Her face remained stoic. She clearly didn't see the humor in my statement.

"Oh, I can see why _you_ see humor in it." Again, with the answering my thoughts. "I just don't find the destruction of any kind of life funny. At all."

This time, I couldn't help myself. "Believe me, if I could survive any other way, I really would. But given the choice between human and animal blood, I think I've made the more noble one."

She huffed slightly and I could tell she was struggling to control her anger. She took a deep breath. Her words came so fast that a human wouldn't have been able to follow her. "It's just, I don't know what to make of you. I've never encountered a vampire who wasn't an evil, murderous being. It was all black and white and now you're here and you're making everything gray and my instincts are urging me to kill you like all the others but my rational mind keeps listening to your thoughts and what you've been telling me and I _know_ you're not bad and I'm just…" Her face and mind went blank as she searched for the right term, "…lost."

I was sure that she had never spoken that many words in one conversation since our first meeting, much less one singular sentence. I wasn't sure how to respond, and judging by the look on her face she was horrified at having let so much slip at once.

"Thank you," I whispered gently, "for trusting me. I know it hasn't been easy. And thanks for making me take a shower. And for, you know, not killing me and all."

She laughed, for the first time, a genuine, non-sarcastic laugh that bounced awkwardly off the walls. Her dimpled smile was new to me but it seemed completely natural, like she did it often.

"Like I said, don't make me regret it." Her tone was challenging, but she was still smiling.

"Like _I_ said," I retorted, "I'll try my best."

The laughing had seemed to relax her and her smile turned to mischief as she stealthily leapt over the kitchen counter and landed perfectly in the middle of the overstuffed, worn leather sofa behind her. She gestured to the chair opposite her. "Come, sit, I think you've earned some more answers."

It started to feel like the quiet line that had been drawn between us was beginning to blur as I sat down on the antique wingback chair across from her and she started to explain with much more willingness than before.

"Although human food is able to sustain me, I need to eat a _lot_ of it to survive, especially since I don't eat any meat."

"So… protein?" I asked.

"That's why I was drinking the milk. Lots of dairy, lots of eggs, and one good thing about living in the heart of South America, lots of rice and beans. Oh. and _lots_ of sugar."

Her eyes twinkled for a moment and her mind flashed to an image of one of her kitchen cupboards that was filled to the brim with every kind of candy imaginable.

I nodded slowly, trying to comprehend the interesting creature before me, wondering whether she metabolized food the same way humans do.

"It's kind of the same," she replied, her eyebrows drawing together slightly as she tried to decide how she was going to explain it to me. "Okay, so, everything about my body is better than a human's because of the half that's vampire." Her nose crinkled in distaste as she said the word. "I'm stronger, I can run faster, my mental capacity is bigger, and in that same way, my metabolism works more efficiently. It's so fast that everything I eat basically gets absorbed into my body as 'fuel' immediately. It's almost like a clean burning engine, if that makes sense to you?"

I digested this information for a while, still finding it hard to grasp that she was both human and vampire. The more she explained about herself, the more everything seemed to make perfect sense. She appeared to have found a perfect balance between her two different components. She utilized her enhanced vampire abilities to their fullest extent, while embracing her human side in a similarly passionate way. She was quite amazing.

"I've never thought about it that way," she interrupted, but it startled me less this time. I guess I was getting used to it.

"You haven't?"

"I haven't really spent extended periods of time with inquisitive vampires before. So, no, I haven't thought about any of this before," she retorted sarcastically.

"Now I feel special," I quipped dryly.

She rolled her eyes again, which was starting to become an all-too-familiar gesture of hers. "That's enough about my eating habits. I think there's something you're more interested in than that." Her eyes narrowed knowingly.

She was right- there was one question that had been burning in me ever since she had used the word "forever" back in the jungle.

"Yes, as far as I know, I am immortal."

I knew it was against the rules, but I couldn't help myself. "So, how old are you?" I asked, out loud.

Her eyes flared momentarily at my lapse, and I was surprised when she answered verbally at the same time as she thought it mentally.

"I just turned four hundred and eighty-three."

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**A/N: **…. and…. things just got interesting ;)

My New Year's resolution is to update every second Friday from the 8th of January. Let's see how that goes…

Also, Fix You is is nominated for _Best WIP_ in the **Sort of Beautiful Awards** on LiveJournal. I'll put all the details on my profile page and would really appreciate your vote if you feel so inclined :)

Show the Christmas spirit and gift me with a review ;)


	10. All I Believe In

**Chapter 10**

**All I Believe In**

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**A/N: **I can't stop thanking everyone who's been following this story! The squeeing is near-constant lately ;)

I just want to take a minute to talk about the future of Fix You. I have it all outlined and it will be over 20 chapters long, so we're not quite halfway yet. I will continue to alternate the storylines and I would recommend that, if you aren't reading both (naughty naughty), you should probably start soon. There will come a point you'll want to know what was going on in both storylines. I guarantee this ;)

I have also committed myself to updating regularly. The ideal would be every second Friday. This, I can't guarantee, but it is my every intention to try. I do have a real life which can get crazy sometimes, but I promise to let you know if things don't work out the way I planned. Check my profile or follow me on Twitter if you would like to know what's going on ;)

My undying thanks and gratitude to **Sweet Dulcinea** for stepping in as substitute beta for this chapter while Hopeful Wager was away (and also for being the captain of Team Boob Grab). Thanks as always to the Preview Dream Team for consistent awesomeness.

**Soundtrack:**

All I Believe In – Amadou & Mariam & The Magic Numbers

Goodnight and Go – Imogen Heap

Familiar Landscapes – New Found Glory

Reckless Abandonment – The Spill Canvas

Friends – Band of Skulls

**Disclaimer: Clearly, I'm not Stephenie Meyer, otherwise you would have a copy of **_**Fix You**_** on your shelves instead of **_**New Moon**_** (but probably not).**

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**BPOV**

I wish I could say that I started to settle into a comfortable routine with Jake over the next week, but that was the farthest thing from the truth. I was exhausted from my inconsistent sleeping habits. Jake's visits were mostly unplanned but never unexpected. I spent every moment at home wishing that he would show up at my doorstep. I had started to sneak downstairs every evening after Charlie went to sleep so I could unlock the front door for Jake to be able to get in, if it happened to be one of the lucky nights when he made it to my house. I knew it was reckless, but that's just what Jake did to me.

Sam had been keeping the whole pack busy constantly. Since the encounter with Laurent, and Jake's subsequent transformation, they had either been spending their time training Jake in the ways of the pack or patrolling for any "company" that Laurent may have brought with him. This meant that, between being with his new "brothers" and passing out the moment he got a break, I barely got to see my Jacob any more.

The only slight glimmer of positivity surrounding the situation was that the few stolen moments I had with him resembled a fiery reunion scene at the end of some epic romantic saga. Well, as fiery as you could get while remaining wholly PG-13 in the process. Jake had seemed to become slightly more hesitant after the rocking chair incident and had been the picture of innocence since, locking his arms firmly around my waist every time he kissed me and keeping them there for the duration of the still incredibly passionate kissing sessions, no matter how willingly I pressed my body to his.

Thanks to his sudden incorruptibility, I had managed to remain firm on my "no bed" rule, although it had proven to be an interesting challenge, which served for some stretches of the imagination- and sometimes the neck and leg muscles. Being with Jake was awakening urges within me that I had previously had to suppress, due to their futile nature, and these urges were causing me to lose my resolve to an extent. In fact, I found myself _wanting_ to lose it.

The closest I had come to wavering was the last time Jake had snuck in, two nights ago. He had sat me down on my desk and we had gotten slightly over eager for a moment, accidentally knocking my lamp to the floor with a deafening crash at 4 AM. I had resorted to stuffing him into my closet for concealment purposes and explaining (not-so-convincingly) to Charlie that I had lost my balance while trying to walk to the bathroom in the dark. He had eyed the destroyed lamp at the opposite end of the room with obvious suspicion, but seemed reluctantly to buy the story in the end.

Since then, I had been mentally warring with myself over the situation. I had to choose what was more important to me: keeping my past separate from my present or keeping Charlie from discovering Jacob in my room in the middle of the night.

I still hadn't come to a resolution by the following Saturday and I was going stir crazy inside my house. I hadn't seen Alice in a couple of days because she and Jasper had decided to go on their first proper hunting trip since returning to Forks. Alice had insisted on staying in the general area for a while because she had started having slightly ominous, blurred visions, though of what she wasn't entirely sure. She had not returned to school, deciding that it would raise more questions than anything else. She kept a low profile when coming to see me, making sure that Charlie wasn't around, and I didn't mention it to any of my friends at school either.

Combined with the fact that I still hadn't seen Jasper, what was left over was one very stressed out Bella. It was starting to weigh heavily on my conscience and, although Alice didn't say much about it, I could tell the reluctance was from his side. I guess I couldn't blame him. Our last encounter had been less than pleasant, to say the least. I didn't want to push things either, because the whole situation still seemed too fragile, like they would disappear again at a moment's notice.

I had tried everything to distract myself since I had woken up way too early for a Saturday morning. I soon found that one could only do so much laundry, cleaning and reading before wanting to crawl out of one's own skin. Normally, I wouldn't have been so anxious, but I had gotten a text from Jake the night before saying that Sam had promised them some free time over the weekend and that he would let me know as soon as he got home.

Strangely enough, I had found myself standing in front of my closet, mentally debating over what to wear for the occasion. It probably didn't matter, because Jake had seemed plenty happy with my plain pajamas the last few times he had snuck in my room, but seeing him in the daylight was different. I eventually settled on a plum-colored, v-neck tank, a black cardigan and dark jeans. I had felt particularly pleased with the way the dark colors made my eyes stand out just a little bit more than usual and silently hoped Jake would feel the same.

I had expected his call in the morning, but it was already past lunchtime and I had had enough. I phoned his cell but got no answer, and Billy was being his usual cryptic self about Jake's whereabouts. I decided to take the situation into my own hands and drive to La Push to wait for him. I was uncharacteristically nervous and excited, practically bouncing in the front seat of my truck in a way that would be much more fitting of Alice, as I drove down the narrow highway.

I pulled up to Jake's little red house, immediately feeling comforted by the familiar landscape. If merely being in Jacob's living space was doing this to me, I hoped that actually seeing him and spending time with him would melt away all the anxiety that had been building up inside. I noticed that Billy's truck was gone and wondered whether Jake had been home yet. I contemplated my course of action for a moment before I had a brainwave.

I hopped out of my truck, into the light drizzle and strode up to Jake's front door, trying not to look shifty and failing miserably. I knocked softly on the door, but didn't expect much since Billy didn't seem to be home. I glanced around momentarily and proceeded to test the door handle. I was pleasantly surprised when it turned without a struggle and the door creaked open. I felt like one of those lame girls in B-grade movies who went into other people's houses, uninvited without good reason. The only difference was that I_did_ have good reason. I wanted to surprise Jake by waiting inside until he got home. I ignored the voice in the back of my head telling me that what I was doing wasn't in any way rationally justifiable and that I should wait in my truck or on the beach like a normal person. I wasn't in the mood to be normal.

Today, I wanted to be reckless.

I crept through the house quietly (for no good reason since no one was there anyway) to find Jake's bedroom door slightly ajar. I pushed it open and my heart jumped in surprise and excitement when I found him asleep, dwarfing the small single bed with his enormous form. The whole scene was almost comical, his bare feet dangling over the edge by what seemed like a mile. I felt a warm glow spread throughout my chest as I took him in: his dark lashes resting softly on his bronze cheeks, his lips slightly parted, his entire face the picture of serenity. I hadn't seen him so peaceful in weeks.

Guilt started to creep to the back of my mind as I realized how selfish I was for wanting him to spend time with me when he was so obviously exhausted. I didn't want to disturb him now, but I couldn't bring myself to leave him either. The urge to touch him and be near him was just too great. I kicked off my shoes and crawled onto the only small unoccupied piece of bed in front of him, nuzzling back into his surprisingly clothed chest and pulling his limp arm over me. I let out a sigh as I started to relax instantly from the feeling of his familiar, warm body against mine. I hadn't realized until that moment how worn out I was from all the stress, and I felt myself slipping into sleep after a few moments wrapped in his embrace.

I woke to the sound of my name being whispered in my ear. Goosebumps rose on my neck as breath tickled my skin. Strong, warm arms enclosed tighter around me, pulling my back flush against a solid chest. My heart was racing instantly.

"Jake, you're awake," I breathed, my lips spreading into a reflexive smile.

"And you're in my bed," he murmured sleepily. "What happened to bedbargo?"

"Bedbargo only applies to my bed," I laughed, placing a soft kiss against the arm that my cheek was resting on.

"How come you didn't tell me that sooner?" he demanded playfully, though the haze in his voice remained. "I would've had you sneaking into my room weeks ago."

He trailed a few sloppy kisses down my neck that made my indignant comeback die on my lips. The closeness of our bodies and Jake's relaxed playfulness in light of his semi-conscious state made me feel giddy.

I turned onto my back and his lips found mine instantly, his tongue slipping into my mouth and brushing lazily against mine. His fingers disappeared into my hair and his thumb stroked my cheek gently. It was an innocuous gesture, but my breath and pulse sped up even more, forcing me to pull away from him sooner than I would've liked because I was gasping for air. When I opened my eyes, he was gazing down at me with heavy lids, brushing his fingers through my hair lovingly.

"You okay over there?" he asked softly, smirking.

"For now, but who knows what'll happen if you keep going like that?" I was still trying to catch my breath.

"You mean, like this?" His lips returned to mine and his tongue was back a moment later, resuming the same deep, languid rhythm as before. A gentle tingle was starting to creep to the base of my spine.

My eyes fluttered closed and I moaned softly into his mouth despite myself. The corners of his mouth turned up into a smile but his lips never left mine. I arched my back slightly, pushing my body against him and threw my leg over his, losing myself as I tangled into him. From what I'd been experiencing with him for the past week, I expected him to pull away reluctantly, but there was no indication of any hesitance from him as he covered my body with his. I lifted my hips to him and my heart stuttered in exhilaration as his hard length pushed against my thigh. He didn't retreat in embarrassment like the previous time I had noticed his body's reaction to me. Instead, he allowed me to guide him down towards me, urging every part of him against me, needing to feel him.

The fingers of his left hand were digging into my hip firmly but not painfully, while his other hand was cupping my face as our kisses grew more feverish. I was surprised by my own brashness as I pushed my hands under the hem of his t-shirt and followed along the smooth, muscular contours of his back. He released my lips, allowing me to pull the shirt over his head and drop it to the floor beside the bed. His eyes were the deepest shade of brown I had ever seen on him. He looked completely mesmerized by me as he touched my cheek and crashed his lips down onto mine again. His chest heaved against me as I struggled with my cardigan, eventually managing to free my arms and pull his bare chest back down to my partially clothed one. I became distinctly aware that there were only two thin layers of fabric between Jake's blazing skin and my hardened nipples. My heart and mind raced, wondering if he could feel my excitement, considering I was well aware of his.

My love for Jake was starting to manifest in a more tangible, physical way. My body was aching with a new and thrilling need, seemingly brought forward by the sudden absence of boundaries between us. I found myself wanting to touch him in ways I had only ever thought about in passing, and I wanted him to do the same to me.

Jake continued to kiss me as he brushed his fingers over my hip, just under the hem of my shirt, but I wanted his hands on me _everywhere_. My heart was thundering as I grabbed his wrist and started to guide his hand upwards, over the bare skin of my stomach. His entire body seemed to stiffen but I simply whispered, "Yes," against his lips, assuring him of what I wanted.

He trembled slightly as his fingertips grazed over the thin cotton of my bra. I gasped as his hand engulfed my breast and squeezed gently, cautiously. His breathing became ragged as he palmed my breast experimentally. It felt wonderfully intimate, having him touch me somewhere no one besides me ever had before, and I soon felt greedy for more. I placed my hand over his and squeezed, urging him with my eyes to be less careful with me, _wanting _him to be less careful. I dragged my fingers down his naked back and he let out a soft moan that made his body tremor against mine.

I gasped in surprise and delight as he responded to my urges, fumbling slightly to pull the flimsy fabric of my bra aside and captured my nipple between his thumb and forefinger, squeezing gently. His touch against my sensitive skin brought heat that spread throughout my body and yet formed contradictory goosebumps while doing so. I looked into his eyes and found tenderness and intensity there. He seemed overwhelmed, his breaths shallow and frantic.

I knew that neither of us had a clue what we were doing, but thus far our instincts seemed to be a pretty accurate guide to what felt good, so I decided to trust my instincts as I lifted my thigh to brush against his hardness. He grunted in response to the friction and started to move against me in return. He brought his other hand to my stomach and pushed the rest of my shirt up, before cupping my other breast and squeezing firmly.

Our kisses grew sloppy and reckless as our eager hands explored each other and our bodies rubbed together. I let my fingers wander down his back, below the waistband of his pants but over the soft cotton of his underwear to grip his firm ass in my hand.

He groaned again, reluctantly pulled his lips from mine and met my eyes with his own blazing stare. "Can I?" he whispered, reaching behind me to gently brush over the clasp of my bra. I bit my lip and nodded, arching my back to allow him better access as his erratic breaths tickled my cheek. My heart was hammering in my chest, my head was spinning and I didn't want it to stop, even for a second. Sharing this with Jacob, myJacob, connecting with him on this new level was incredibly special and intimate. It felt right.

Jake mumbled some kind of obscenity under his breath as he wrestled with the clasp and I grew impatient, reaching behind my back to try and help.

"Jake? Are you okay?"

We both froze when we heard Billy's voice at the door, followed by a creaking as it swung open.

I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing this wasn't happening and heard Jake whisper, "Fuck," in my ear as he shifted his body to shield me from Billy's view.

"Oh, I didn't..." Billy's voice was strained and uncomfortable. I heard a dull thud and opened one eye hesitantly, peeking over Jake's shoulder to see Billy trying to reverse his wheelchair out of the doorway. His own eyes were also tightly shut and his horrified face was turned away from the scene before him. "I'll just..."

He finally managed to escape the room, leaving me and Jake paralyzed, still in the midst of trying to unfasten my bra. His body started to shake with laughter as he folded his arms around me, hugging me tightly to him.

"Oh my gaaaaawd," I whispered, unable to move in my own shock and embarrassment, "that was the single-most terrifying experience of my entire life. And you know how many near-death experiences I've had."

Jake chuckled, placing a soft kiss to my temple before rolling off me and straightening my shirt. "I don't think we'll be able to look him in the eye ever again."

I sat up with a start. "You don't think he'll tell Charlie?" I demanded, suddenly horror-struck.

Jake's features pulled into a grimace at the thought. "Can you imagine the two of them having that conversation? I'm sure they'd both rather die. I doubt Billy will say anything."

"I think you're right," I agreed, the mental image of Billy and Charlie simultaneously keeling over from awkwardness dancing through my mind.

Jake grabbed his t-shirt from the floor and I couldn't help but admire the way the muscles of his back rippled as he pulled it over his head. My body was still flushed with heat and excitement from our little "session." I could almost still feel Jake's skin blazing against mine. He handed me my discarded cardigan and I pulled it on, fastening the buttons for the chaste effect while he put on a pair of sneakers. I swung my legs off the edge of the bed and leaned my head against his shoulder. He took my hand in his and brought it to his lips, kissing my knuckles softly before standing up and pulling me to my feet in front of him.

He scrutinized me for a moment, smoothing my hair before bending down to whisper in my ear. "To be continued."

I swore that I got goosebumps on my eyeballs.

He chuckled at the pained look on my face and slung an arm around my shoulders protectively, trying to lead me out. "We should probably leave my room before my dad dies of an aneurysm."

I wasn't budging. "Can't we just sneak out your window and never ever speak to him again? I think I'd prefer that."

"If we want our parents to treat us like adults, we should probably show them that we _are_adults." Jake's rational wisdom irked the irrational teenage girl inside me.

"I don't wanna," I pouted obstinately.

"Come on," Jake urged, dropping his arm from my shoulders and lacing his fingers through mine, tugging at me with a playful smile, "there's somewhere I want to take you."

I raised a curious eyebrow at him and he kissed the tip of my nose. "You'll see," he said with a wink.

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for the unbearable awkwardness that was sure to follow and let Jake lead me from his room and into the living room. Billy was flipping through channels at a speed that made it impossible for him to discern what was on the screen.

Jake cleared his throat and Billy turned to us briefly before looking away again, fumbling with the remote to mute the television. I followed Jake around the couch to stand a few feet from Billy. I was gripping Jake's hand so hard, it should've been painful. He didn't flinch at all, but I could feel him grow slightly restless next to me. I glanced up at him to see him lift his hand to scratch the back of his neck like he always did when he was uncomfortable, but then he seemed to think better of it and he curled his fingers into a fist which he shoved into the pocket of his pants.

"Sorry about that, Dad," Jake finally said, breaking the excruciating silence.

"Uuhh, yeah." Billy still wasn't looking at us. His eyes were fixed on some distant point over our shoulders. "Look, believe it or not, I'm not too old to remember what it felt like to be your age. You kids are going to do what you want to do, and I'll be... _cool_ about it if you are."

My eyes flickered to Jake for a second in disbelief. He seemed equally surprised by his father's unexpected handling of the situation.

Billy continued after a short pause. "I won't tell Charlie about..." He cleared his throat. "As long as you promise to keep it safe and away from where I can interrupt it."

"We aren't doing anything serious yet-" Jake began but Billy cut him off with a stern look. "Safe. Got it." Jake nodded.

"Good," Billy replied, turning back to the television.

I smiled up at Jake and breathed a sigh of relief.

He winked at me before raising his voice slightly over the noise of the television. "I'm gonna take Bella to Emily's place now," Jake said, squeezing my hand affectionately. I raised my eyebrows in surprise and he just nodded his head toward the door.

"Have fun." Billy didn't turn to look at us. "Bring me back something good if she was baking."

"Will do," Jake replied, starting to head outside. "Bye, Dad!" he called over his shoulder.

"Bye, Billy," I echoed as we exited the house. I was beyond relieved to get out of there.

When we stepped outside, the drizzle had stopped but the sky was still obscured by a thick cover of clouds. Evening appeared to be approaching fast. I shivered slightly as the cool air wrapped around my body. Jake noticed and pulled me against his warm side.

"Do you need a jacket?" he asked.

"I'll get one out of my truck," I said, steering us in the right direction.

We walked the short distance in silence and he stood by quietly as I rummaged in the cab for my jacket. I pulled it on and turned to find him staring at me with the cutest grin plastered over his face. My heart jumped slightly at the intensity of his gaze.

"What?" I asked, pushing my hair behind my ear uneasily and dropping my gaze to his shoes.

"Hey." He touched a finger to my chin, gently urging me to look up at him. When I did, the cuteness and intensity were still there. My heart stuttered again. "I love you."

Any residual uncomfortable feelings melted as his words seemed to seep into me, causing a warm glow to spread through my body. I sighed as I leaned into his lips instinctively. He kissed me sweetly and wrapped me in a hug. "I love you, too" I sighed, relaxing into his embrace.

"We haven't said that in a while," he noted.

"It's because we don't see each other enough," I complained, squeezing him tighter to emphasize my need. "When we do see each other all we do is catch up and make out. We don't have a chance to just... be."

"I know," he mumbled into my hair. "Sam seems to be lightening up, though. It doesn't seem like any other bloodsuckers followed that Laurent leech here, so I think things will start to get more normal from now on. Well, as normal as they'll probably ever be, with what we are."

I cringed inwardly at my own selfishness. Poor Jacob was going through the most confusing, demanding time of his life and here I was, complaining that I didn't get to see him enough. "I'm sorry. I don't want to make it harder for you than it already is."

"I kinda like it." He pulled me from him gently and took my face in his hands. "It's nice to feel wanted."

"You are very wanted, Mr. Black," I replied, rolling onto my tip toes to peck him on the lips. His delighted smile was a thing of beauty. "So, you're taking me to Emily's place? That's Sam's fiancé, right?"

"Right." He made sure my jacket was zipped up tightly before taking my hand again and started to stroll toward his garage. "I think it's time you met the people who've been keeping me so busy all the time."

A significant part of me was elated that he wanted me to meet his new "family." I had heard a lot about them from Jake and already felt like I knew them personally. Despite this, I couldn't help but feel nervous, too. Even though I was Jake's girlfriend now, I wasn't sure how accepting they would be of my vampire-filled past. Not to mention the vampires I currently had in my life. I suddenly realized that Jake hadn't said anything about my seeing Alice since that first day he'd come to my room after Alice had been there. There was no way he couldn't smell her everywhere. I wondered whether he was trying to avoid confrontation by not bringing it up, or whether he was simply respecting my privacy. Either way, I still wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not.

I swallowed nervously as we came to a standstill in front of the garage. "How do they feel about... us?" I hoped I wasn't being too roundabout in my questioning.

Jake straightened up after lifting the door to open it and shifted uncomfortably. "Well, they don't know you, so they can't really judge fairly yet."

"So, they've been judging me unfairly?"

Jacob pressed his lips together in concentration, his inner debate obvious on his face.

I touched his arm lightly, attempting to convey my sincerity. "I'm asking because I want to know. You don't have to gloss it over."

He sighed heavily before speaking. "They're definitely not going to let the vampire thing go, even though you are with me now. _But_ I've only been telling them good things about you, so you're not walking into an entirely hostile environment, if that's what you're worried about." He smiled so genuinely that I felt any doubts I may have had start to dissipate.

"What kind of environment should I be expecting?"

"I'm hoping, if they behave themselves, for some good natured teasing." He touched his knuckles to my cheek and winked. "But I know you can give as good as you get."

He started towards the Rabbit that was parked inside, but I didn't move. A question was fighting its way out. "Jake," I called him back softly. "How about you? Can you let the vampire thing go?"

He stood still, turned from me. I noticed his shoulders tense slightly before they slumped on the exhale. I already regretted asking it. This was the first quality time I got to spend with Jake in so long, and here I was, complicating things.

"Bella," he breathed as he rounded back toward me hesitantly, his face serious, "do you remember the first time I came to you after that whole episode in the meadow?"

My cheeks flushed crimson and I nodded slowly as I recalled the many things that made that day memorable.

"Remember when I said I can't change your past, so I'll just have to learn to accept it?"

"And what about my present?" I challenged, my voice remaining soft but level.

He took a deep breath through his nose, his jaw flexing subtly. "It's not easy for me, Bella. Every instinct in me keeps screaming that they're the enemy. That _smell_ in your house..." He trailed off, crinkling his nose, a pained expression darkening his features before he shook his head, as if clearing a haze. "But I see how much you care about her... Alice, and she obviously loves you, too, otherwise she would never have tried to warn you about that leech in the woods..." The inner struggle was so raw on his face, it caused a pang in my chest. I had no idea that he was so conflicted about it. "I'm really trying to accept that you want to spend time with her. Really. I can tell how happy it makes you. So, as long as she doesn't bring anything... nasty with her, I'll keep on trying my best. I love you, Bella, and I want to see you safe and happy."

I took a step forward and touched his cheek lightly, wishing that I could brush the conflict from his features. I was completely overwhelmed by the intensity of his desire to make the situation easier for me. "Jake, why didn't you tell me how tough it's been on you?"

He sighed and closed his eyes. "You said it yourself, we've been spending so little time together, we don't get a chance to actually _talk_."

"I want to know what you're thinking." I curled my fingers around his neck and pulled him against me. "Always."

He mumbled his agreement into my hair and held me close for a few moments before releasing me. "Let's get going." His tone seemed genuinely lighter, although a bit of strain still remained. "I told Emily we'd be there before dinner."

The sky was darkening as we drove east on the highway. I filled the travel time with questions about the other boys in an attempt to prepare myself for the evening ahead.

As we pulled onto a narrow dirt road, Jake swallowed audibly. "You know I told you about how Sam accidentally hurt Emily in their early days?" he asked worriedly.

"You said she had some scars?"

"Yeah, so please don't stare. It makes Sam uncomfortable."

"No problem." I squeezed his knee in reassurance.

We reached the end of the lane and a tiny, pale house became visible. A dim light shone from the only narrow window beside the battered blue door, but the whole scene was cheered significantly by bright yellow and orange marigolds that spilled from the window box. As I got out of the car, the sound of booming male voices and laughter filled the air, along with the delicious smells of dinner and what I assumed to be dessert.

Jake took my hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze as we walked to the door, the sounds of merriment growing louder as we approached. Jake opened the door without knocking and we stepped into the front room which was filled to the brim with oversized, raucous teenage boys.

"Jake!" Embry exclaimed, spotting us first.

The others turned to us and started to holler their own greetings.

"So, we finally get to meet _the_ Bella Swan," Jared mocked playfully. "You honor us with your presence, milady." He stood up and bowed theatrically.

I felt my cheeks fire up immediately, causing them to howl with laughter, and I ducked my head into Jake's arm, giggling in embarrassment. Jake threw his arm around me and gave me a little squeeze, though I could also feel him shaking with laughter.

"Wow, Jake, you weren't exaggerating. This girl lights up like a Christmas tree." A melodic female laugh tinkled from the other side of the room.

I looked up and noticed Emily for the first time, hands on her hips, wearing a bright floral apron. A silky curtain of raven black hair cascaded down her shoulders and half a smile was playing on her lips. The other half of her mouth was obscured by a deep, red scar that caused a perpetual grimace to darken her otherwise perfectly beautiful features. She must have been completely breathtaking before the accident. The two other scars alongside it that pulled at the corners of her eye and across her cheek were a testament to how dangerous a young werewolf could be. I suddenly understood why it had been such a huge risk for Jacob to see me so soon after his first transformation, and why he had stayed away after that until he learned to control it. Even though I knew that they had taken care of Laurent easily, a part of me still didn't grasp how immensely strong these werewolves were. I stifled the involuntary shiver that threatened to overtake me at the thought of what my own scarred face would look like, and smiled warmly at Emily instead.

"Welcome to the circus, Bella," Emily joked. "I'll try to keep the animals in check, but I make no promises." Her gaze swept lovingly over the boys who were stuffed into an assortment of mismatched chairs. Two small tables of different heights had been pushed together to create the makeshift dining room set. I would've felt like I was intruding on a happy family dinner had it not been for the welcoming face of every person in the room.

Sam rose from his chair and gestured to me and Jake to take a seat across from him. "You two have perfect timing. Emily was just about to take dinner out of the oven. She made her famous chicken."

I glanced to the empty space across from Sam, which was right next to Paul, who I found the most intimidating of all the boys. He had a wicked grin plastered over his face at the sight of my nervous blush. I swallowed heavily and started to take a seat next to Paul, who winked at me mischievously and commented loudly over the hum of conversation around the table, "I'll have a breast... I love me some white meat."

Paul started to laugh but swore abruptly when Jake leaned over and punched him in the shoulder. "Ouch," he complained, rubbing his arm and wincing.

The whole table broke into a fit of laughter and when I looked back at Jake he was beaming from ear to ear. I realized with a little skip of my heart that his expression was one of joy. Jacob was obviously thrilled to have us all together in one place.

Emily leaned over us, still rolling her eyes and placed a large dish filled with some kind of bubbling liquid in the middle of the table, next to a vase which held a bunch of wild flowers and two other bowls: one filled with rice and the other with salad. The aromatic fragrance that filled my nostrils was wonderful and my tummy rumbled in response.

The boys chattered and bickered over who was getting the biggest piece as Emily took their plates one by one and dished the chicken for them in the most endearing maternal way. She checked that each one of them got salad as well before sitting down next to Sam, who was at the head of the table.

"Before we start," Sam began, his deep voice quieting the excited boys down instantly, "Emily and I have some news that we'd like to share with you." He took Emily's hand in his and glanced over at her lovingly.

"Do we hear the pitter patter of little paws?" Embry batted his eyelashes sweetly.

Emily smiled at Sam and her eyes were filled with such an overwhelming amount of love that I almost felt the need to look away.

"Actually, you're exactly right." Sam never took his eyes from Emily as he spoke. "We found out today. In just over six months, Em and I are going to be parents."

A chorus of cheers erupted from around the table and everyone got up to congratulate the elated pair. Jake clapped Sam on the shoulder and I voiced my own words of congratulations before making way for the other guys to get past. Jake leaned over and placed a light kiss on my cheek, smiling affectionately. I sighed contentedly, enjoying the buzz of excitement in the room. I already felt at home between this warm group of people and I felt very honored to be included in such a special moment in Sam and Emily's relationship.

Eventually, we all settled down to enjoy Emily's delicious cooking, which was made even more pleasant by the light banter of the boys. Sam and Emily spoke of their plans to wed within a few months, before the baby was born. Emily served mouth-watering chocolate cake for dessert and sat sipping tea with me as we watched the five boys wash the dishes after dinner.

Jake's interaction with the rest of them was fascinating to me. He was confident and conducted himself with ease even though he was the latest "joiner" to the pack and also one of the youngest. Every one of them seemed to have a well-defined role in the group dynamic, and their diverse personalities complimented one another perfectly. Even though they liked to joke with each other and make fun, there always seemed to be a healthy level of mutual respect involved, especially for Sam. He was one of them, but they followed him naturally.

"Isn't it amazing to think that they all get along so well?" Emily asked quietly, noticing my enthrallment with the scene before me. "Especially considering how bad things could've turned out with the whole Alpha thing."

"Alpha thing?" I frowned.

"It's starting to get late," Jake interrupted abruptly before Emily could answer. "Charlie will be getting antsy if I bring you home too late."

It really was starting to get late and, even though I had left a note for Charlie letting him know I would be with Jake, I knew he would be worried already. We said our goodbyes and thanked Emily for the wonderful meal. I made a mental note to ask Jake about the "Alpha thing" as soon as we were alone again.

I held a plastic container filled with cake for Billy as Sam escorted us to the car.

"I wanted to talk to the two of you about something," Sam lowered his voice seriously when we were out of earshot of the house, "but I didn't want to do mention it in front of the others and risk an overreaction."

"What is it, Sam?" Jacob's voice immediately shifted into a businesslike tone that I had never heard him use before.

"On my last patrol this morning, I caught a vampire scent that was probably a few days old. I didn't want to jump to any conclusions, knowing that there are Cullens in the area, so I was hoping that Jake could take a whiff of it and tell me if it's one of them."

"I only know the female's scent from Bella's house," Jacob replied, "the male hasn't been near there."

It was strange to hear them talking about Alice and Jasper like they were suspects in a murder investigation.

"If it's not the female, we'll have to arrange for you to get a piece of clothing of the other one to rule him out. Bella, do you think you could speak to them for us?" Sam asked earnestly.

I nodded, unease starting to creep up my spine. "They're away for the weekend, but I think they may be coming back tomorrow. I'll phone Alice and ask her about it as soon as I get home."

"Thank you." Sam nodded curtly before turning back to Jake. "Come back after you've dropped Bella off at home so I can take you to where I caught the scent."

"I won't be long," Jake assured him.

We agreed that Jake would take me home straight away and that he would bring my truck back the next day, since it was still parked at his house.

The subdued sense of urgency between the two of them unsettled me. I had to control my breathing in order to keep the panic from setting in. As Jacob drove me home, I kept telling myself that it was just Alice or Jasper and we had nothing to worry about.

Jake must have noticed my tense expression as we continued down the highway back to Forks and he covered my hand in his, soothing me. "Bella, we got this, okay?" he said with quiet reassurance in his voice.

I sincerely hoped he was right.

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A/N: I know you all are suckers for Jacob, so go ahead, swoon away…

There's some exciting news I'd like to share:

Fix You was recommended on The Little Known Ficster! (That was a full day's worth of squeeing).

Fix You has also been nominated for both a Sort of Beautiful Award for Best WIP and a Howling Wolf Award for Best Jacob and Bella! The voting information is on my profile, if you feel so inclined ;)

Next update (fingers crossed) will be Friday January 22. Your reviews will keep me squeeing til then ;)


	11. A Dustland Fairytale

**Chapter 11**

**A Dustland Fairytale

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****Important note at end of chapter**

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**A/N: **Thank you for all the awesome reviews on chapter 10! You continue to consistently rock my world. Please keep them coming!

I'm proud to share that Fix You has new been added to the "Bella and Jacob Chronicles" series. Thank you so much to Diamondheart for letting me be a part of it and for assembling such a fantastic line up of stories!

Thank you to **Hopeful Wager**, who is patient and wise beyond compare and the best beta I could ever have wished upon a falling star for. Thanks to my wonderful preview girls, who I love beyond reason.

This chapter took longer than anticipated, but hopefully it'll be worth the wait ;) There will be an author note at the end explaining any terms and phrases used.

Chapter 9 Recap: Sashmara told Edward that she was almost 500 years old.

**Soundtrack:**

Satellite Heart – Anya Marina

A Dustland Fairytale – The Killers

Runaway – Yeah Yeah Yeahs

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created Edward, and sent him away to South America. Hopeful Wager created the "Hybrid Theory" as it shall henceforth be known. I created Sashmara, and all things Sash are all mine :)

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**EPOV**

I choked out what resembled a cough, my head starting to swirl with the implication of her words. The girl sitting before me with the cherubic face, cerulean eyes and curious pale brown skin was not only a vampire/human hybrid, but she was also almost half a millennium old. If I had thought that I had a lot of questions for her before, I had been gravely mistaken. My mind was exploding with them to such an extent that I was fighting with myself to keep them mental, like I had promised her. It was almost excruciating.

I wanted to know how she had survived for so long, confronting vampires without getting killed. I wanted to know exactly how indestructible and strong she really was. I wanted to know where she had come from and how she had spent the preceding centuries.

Everything. I wanted to know everything.

She squeezed her eyes closed and pinched the bridge of her nose, taking a deep breath. "Edward," she hissed through clenched teeth, "you need to quiet that down. You're hurting my brain."

"Did you seriously think you could tell me something like that and not cause an avalanche of questions in my head?" I asked as the steady din of mental voices grew more rampant in my head.

She didn't respond. Her eyes were still closed and I realized that we were both losing the careful control we had constructed over the echoes of our minds. I reached out and grabbed her hand instinctively, desperate for the noise to quiet down into her singular voice. Unfortunately, the moment our skin made contact, I realized I wouldn't be achieving the desired effect. The echoes disappeared, but her thoughts were racing, screaming at a pace that made them equally painful to hear, and random mental images flashed through her thoughts and into mine.

"Sash," I begged, taking her other hand and squeezing, attempting to pull her back to the present, "please look at me."

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes slowly, raising her head so her piercing gaze met mine. Her thoughts slowed to what I had come to accept as her normal pace and the mental images disappeared.

"Whoa," I breathed, "that was intense."

Her eyes narrowed inquisitively. "Why did you call me Sash?" she asked.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. It's probably an American thing, we often shorten the names of our friends and family."

The words, _friends _and _family_ reverberated distinctively in our minds. She looked away from me abruptly and examined our hands, which were still clasped together. She tried to pull back, but I gripped them tighter and shifted my position from the chair I was sitting on to the coffee table in front of her.

"Has no one ever…?" I trailed off when her head snapped back up to me. "Sorry, no questions, I know."

"My… mother, she did that too. She shortened my name, I mean." She spoke hesitantly, more to herself than to me.

I remained quiet, not wanting to interrupt her when she was clearly recalling something significant from her past.

"She preferred Nastia, though…" Her eyes wandered over the art-covered wall behind me and fixed on a portrait. The image of a woman in an elaborate headdress appeared in my mind. "I've never told anyone," she mused, still engrossed in the painting.

"I'll be quiet, if you want to tell me." I gave her hands an affirming squeeze, urging her to continue.

She started to speak and I was immediately transported by her memories.

"My mother was a hybrid, too. Well, she wasn't my biological mother, but she found me and raised me. She caught wind of young girls, who were thought to be virgins, falling pregnant and dying a few months later during childbirth."

She noticed my mental questioning and explained further. "When a vampire impregnates a human, the growth is so rapid that the pregnancy only lasts about three months, and the birth is so violent because the newborns are so strong that a human would never survive it."

I nodded my acknowledgement, trying to fit this information in with everything else she had told me thus far. This little nugget was no less astonishing and overwhelming than the rest.

"I think I'm getting ahead of myself here. I need to start from the very beginning." She took a deep breath before she spoke. "This woman, my "mother", was born somewhere around 500BC, though she could never pinpoint it exactly. She never expanded much on her early years to me, although I suspect she was involved in some serious warfare in her time. She only went into detail about the history that brought her to me.

"In the early sixteenth century, she set her sights on the Ottoman Empire. She started using another name and got herself sold into slavery in the Ukraine as a way of getting into Suleyman the Magnificent's Harem in Istanbul. It didn't take very long until, just as she had planned, she had charmed the Sultan and his entire Harem. They called her Khourrem- "laughing one" because of her high spirits and ability to tell stories, most of which weren't stories so much as recollections of her past. Soon, Suleyman was so enamored with her that he decided to take her as his legal wife. This was all but unheard of in those days. Although they were allowed to, Sultans never wed their concubines. But the people loved her and the Sultan revered both her beauty and her wit. Soon, she became his political advisor and unofficial driving force behind and master tactician of the Ottoman Army."

"Wait, you're not talking about…?" I could barely choke out the words as the realization dawned on me.

She nodded, a wry smile spreading across her face. "Hürrem Sultana. In those days she was also called Ruslana, but you probably know her as Roxelana."

I sat staring at her for a moment, trying to figure out whether she was trying to play me for a fool, but flashes of her memory were coming through so clear and true, I had no option but to believe them as legitimate.

"But… how did she find _you_?" I asked, all regard for our self-imposed rules forgotten.

"She had already garnered an unprecedented amount of authority within the military by the early 1520's, and the amount of communication and intelligence that was available to her within the Empire and beyond was practically boundless. That's when information reached her of these "djinli kizlari" that had been banished to an Oasis in the Syrian Desert. She immediately recognized the symptoms and decided to go and see if she could save the poor, innocent girls who had been impregnated against their will."

She shivered slightly as she recalled her earliest memory. "I was only a few hours old, but I remember it perfectly. When she arrived there, it was the most gruesome scene she had ever encountered, even including the casualties of warfare she had witnessed in her life. All but one of the women had died giving birth. The children had fought to get out any way they could, leaving the women broken beyond repair." Sash's eyes glazed over as the scene returned to her in chilling detail.

"_What is your name?" Roxelana asked in Arabic, kneeling down beside the dying woman, touching her cheek lightly._

"_Shamara," she croaked out, reaching out desperately. "Please, please take my child. She is not to blame for this. It was that… that monster."_

_She was fading quickly, her failing heart stuttering audibly in her chest. Roxelana clasped her hand and held it to her chest, over her heart. "Your child is safe with me."_

"She took me and the only other surviving child back to the Harem with her, where it would be easy to conceal us, as children were kept there until they were of age. No one asked any questions when she claimed to have bore "twins" on her trip abroad. Because of his sudden birth, Roxelana and Suleyman named my brother Bayezid after the great Sultan Bayezid the Thunderbolt. Roxelana insisted on naming me Sashmara, which was derived from my mother's name and means "ready for battle". She sometimes also called me Anastasia or Aleksandra, both names she had used in her past and hoped would serve me well in my future. In the next three years, Roxelana made active efforts to search for more like us, and consequently she "bore" the Sultan three more children. We found out later that Selim had the same father as Bayezid and me, while Sarila and Jihangir shared a father as well. We all grew up together in the Harem where Roxelana raised us to live on human food and suppress our bloodlust. From a young age, she taught us what she deemed necessary to fulfill her dreams for us."

_Five children sat behind small wooden desks in a small but still lavishly decorated room in the Harem of the Sultan. Their visible ages varied greatly, but their true ages were no more than a few years apart. Roxelana paced before them, demanding both their respect and adoration._

"_My dearest ones, you are all old enough now to understand the plans I have for your future. You know I love you all more than anything else on this earth?"_

_The children nodded vigorously and chimed simultaneously, "We love you also, anacigim."_

_A warm grin spread across her face. "Each one of you is a miracle. But you have been brought into this world by the purest evil you will ever encounter."_

"_Vampire," the five tiny voices echoed once more._

"_Exactly," Roxelana affirmed, "which is why I am going to teach you how to use your gifts to eradicate this evil."_

"Roxelana snuck us out of the Harem and took us to a military encampment on the outskirts of the Empire. Sarila and I were disguised as boys, and kept close together to avoid discovery. At that stage, I had just turned seven and was nearing full maturity. So, even though I was at the height of my abilities, my growth was starting to slow. Roxelana knew that it was the perfect time for us all to be groomed, since our muscles were still pliable. Her theory was that if our muscles were thoroughly exercised and trained before our growth became stagnant, we would become stronger than average hybrids- maybe equal in strength to fully fledged vampires. So, we got thrown into daily training under the Pashas of the world's finest army. We became masters of hand-to-hand combat. We grew strong and agile and _deadly._"

"So, that's how you were able to kick my ass so thoroughly?" I asked jokingly.

She merely snorted and rolled her eyes before continuing."Eventually, when Roxelana decided that we were ready, she took us all on a trial run to track down a vampire she knew to be in the area. She explained to us that, while the males of our kind remained venomous like vampires, the females had the opposite effect. Their blood possessed the unique and dangerous ability of being lethal to vampires. She wanted to observe us using our newfound skills combined with our natural talents to determine whether we would be able to work together to destroy vampires, the way she had envisioned since the day she had discovered the first of us."

Sash slumped back in the couch and I moved from the coffee table to sit next to her, keeping her hands in my grasp to preserve the vivid connection that we seemed to be sharing because of it. She closed her eyes and let out a long, slow breath, steeling herself for what she was about to relive.

_Barely a star shone overhead as the small convoy of deceptively young but highly skilled hunters crept through the eerily silent night._

_The vampire's scent cut a clear path through the narrow streets of Jerusalem. Roxelana swiftly and determinedly led the small group into the pitch dark night. Not one star was visible in the night sky, barely a candle shone from a window in the distance. The city was still._

_They had been warned to keep as quiet as possible in order to avoid discovery by both the sleeping humans and the keenly-sensed vampire._

_The scent was growing stronger, filling their nostrils with excitement and adrenaline. They sped up their pace, closing in on their target when suddenly, the trail disappeared. Roxelana wasn't deterred for more than a moment. She sniffed the air around her and gestured for the children to follow her. She backed up a few paces and took a running leap, swinging from a canopy and launching herself effortlessly atop the roof of the stone building. The children started to follow her example, launching themselves to land beside her. Even Sarila, the youngest girl, managed the feat despite her small stature._

_They finally spotted the female vampire in the distance, leaping across the narrow streets from one rooftop to the next. Roxelana gave the signal and all but Jihangir split into pairs, each taking a different direction in an attempt to intercept her. The vampire paused for a moment to turn and, when she spotted the group that was silently chasing her, she immediately veered east and propelled herself into the darkness, disappearing from the last building in the direction of Mount Olivet._

_They regrouped and sped off into the night, pushing themselves to the fullest extent of their abilities in order to gain on their prey. In response to another order from Roxelana, they split up again. The faster two of the three boys ran ahead, attempting to surround the vampire from all sides._

_Hundreds of tombstones started to appear before them, glowing curiously in the night to their enhanced vision. The scent they were following started to grow more intense yet again and all six of them started closing in on the same spot- a dilapidated mausoleum in the very centre of the old Jewish cemetery._

_They stood outside the tomb, twinkling eyes looking towards their mother in excitement, awaiting her cue._

_She simply nodded her permission and they sprang to work together, pulling the heavy stone door away from the entrance. The air inside was ancient and stale, except for the sweet vampire odor emanating from the granite coffin which stood in the centre of the cramped space._

_Sash readied herself at the foot of the coffin as her siblings positioned themselves at the sides, preparing to remove the heavy lid at Sash's indication._

_Sash took a deep breath and crouched down into a predatory stance and, with a slight wave of her hand, the boys swiftly removed the lid. In a flash the vicious, raven-haired, crimson-eyed female vampire attempted to spring from her stone enclosure, but Sash was too fast. She had the thrashing female pressed back down into the box instantly. Selim and Bayezid each held on to one flailing arm as Sarila and Jihangir each grabbed a kicking leg._

_Sash raised a finger to her mouth, piercing her solid skin effortlessly with her razor-sharp teeth. She forced the vampire's mouth open and a singular drop of blood fell from her finger and into the unwilling mouth of the beast._

_Her victim's marble skin started to crack apart and she turned to dust right before their very eyes._

_Roxelana stood at the entrance of the tomb, smiling quietly with pride._

Sash's eyes were wide with the memory still dancing through her thoughts.

"That feeling of power, of justice at seeing her disintegrate beneath _my_ grasp… It was like nothing I could've ever imagined. I had always known that it was Roxelana's intention for me to eradicate all of vampirekind, but actually experiencing it and having it feel _right_ was something else altogether. I threw myself into the training with every ounce of the excitement and enthusiasm I felt for my renewed goal. My mother knew it would defeat the purpose for us to try and rein in what we could do, so she made sure that we were only overseen by the best and most loyal Pashas, as she wanted to be assured of their silence regarding our abilities. And that's how I came to know Kahraman."

The sandy-haired, cerulean-eyed man that I had seen in her mind during our first encounter became animated in her thoughts.

"He was the youngest Pasha in the history of the Ottoman Army. At twenty-three, he was a tactical and strategic prodigy. I was in love with him from the first moment I set my eyes on him. He was strict, but fair and kind. I worked twice as hard as any of my siblings, in hopes that I could please him and maybe even capture his attention.

"We had been in training for several months when I inevitably slipped up. It was late at night and I was alone in the baths, so I didn't wrap up my hair, thinking no one would see me. I was on my way back to the tent I shared with Sarila, when I walked right into Kahraman, who was also on his way to bed. I had expected a huge scene, but he simply took me told me to follow him…"

_Kahraman stood in his spacious sleeping tent, facing away from Sashmara, his eyes fixed on the empty expanse before him._

_He was tall and lean, but still muscular, and dressed in his elaborate Pasha's uniform. His unshaven jaw was strong and his hair curled just above his collar. Although his stature and demeanor spoke of authority, his twinkling blue eyes and dimpled cheeks told another story entirely._

"_You and your mother have been very clever," he commented, still not turning around to face her. "The disguises, making sure to limit your speech, calling yourself Sasha… I actually believed you were a boy for a very long time. Of course, it was impossible to tell judging by your physical abilities. You and your siblings are unlike anything I've ever seen, but I didn't dare question it. I would never betray the trust that Hürrem Sultana has placed in me."_

_Sashmara saw her own reflection in a tall mirror which was standing in the corner of the tent. She too wore a military uniform, though much simpler and obviously of a much lower rank. Her damp, wheat-colored curls cascaded over her shoulders and down her back. In her hands she held a piece of cloth: the remnants of the turban she should have used to disguise her gender._

_Kahraman turned slowly, his eyes meeting hers with startling intensity. He started to close the distance between them with hesitant strides. "What is your real name?"_

"_Sashmara, sir," she replied in a tiny voice._

_He came to a standstill mere inches from her. "Sashmara, you are one of the most promising soldiers I've ever seen. Your commitment and passion is something to wonder at." He raised his hand to her cheek and gently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "And so is your beauty."_

She shivered slightly beneath my grasp and shook her hear vigorously, dragging us back to the present moment.

As she tried to clear her head, her blinking eyes glistened curiously. "Sorry, that was a bit… personal."

All I could do was nod. I was way beyond words at this stage.

Sashmara continued to speak through her intermittent sobs. "We began a secret relationship and it was… it was… just… perfect. He was strong and noble, and he never made me feel inferior because I was a woman, as was common practice in those days. By day he was my teacher, my instructor, my commander By night, he was my lover, my confidante, my everything. Our rendezvous continued for months and we never once let anything slip in public. Our arrangement was working perfectly until…"

She took a deep, shuddering breath before she continued. She was starting to tremble beneath my grasp.

"It seemed like any other night. He snuck into my tent just after midnight and we… made love, like we did most nights, and…" Her voice was quivering with emotion as tears started to roll down her cheeks. "I seemed to start losing control somehow. I felt this overwhelming urge to move him, but only in my mind- my physical control around him was so carefully practiced. And then… I'd never seen anything like it, like his flesh was being ripped apart at the seams."

The image of the formerly handsome young man's face, contorted and pulling apart in the most gruesome way crashed into my mind with such intensity, I tore my hands from Sashmara's at once. The grisly memory, however, still played itself out, even without our continued contact. He violently disintegrated into untraceable pieces, leaving nothing of himself behind.

Sashmara was crying uncontrollably, her knees pulled up to her face, her hands buried in her hair. _Never, never, never,_ she kept chanting in her mind.

I reached out and pulled her to me, instinctively needing to comfort her. Her tiny body shook violently in my arms. "I… I… I…" Her hysterical sobs made it impossible for her to catch enough breath to form a coherent sentence.

_I killed him, _she eventually thought.

"You had no control over it," I whispered consolingly.

"NO!" she shrieked, pulling away from me abruptly. "I _had_ control over it! I had it in my control to stay away from him, but I was _selfish_! I wanted him and because of _me_ and what I was, he had to DIE!"

"Sash, please! Don't you remember what you told me? You didn't know. How could you possibly have known of that possibility? It wasn't your intention. You can't blame yourself for this."

Her sobs had quieted down but the tears still spilled freely from her eyes. "I can," she whispered determinedly, "and I always will."

"Sash, you-" I began but she cut me off before I could continue.

"I decided my only recourse was to leave, to run from those I cared about, so they wouldn't come to any harm." Tears still glistened on her cheeks as she stared at nothing in particular, recounting the story methodically. "I decided to go see my mother first, so she wouldn't send any search parties looking for me. When I told her I was leaving, she decided to share information with me that I never even dreamed she was in possession of. First, she told me that hybrids sometimes had extra abilities, and that I had discovered mine- what we thought then to be the ability to destroy things with my mind- in the most tragic way possible."

"But that isn't your ability?" I interrupted her.

"You haven't figured it out by now? I thought you were more observant than that, Edward."

I thought for a while of the way she could hear my thoughts, and tried to fit it in with what she had just told me. It slowly started to dawn on me. "Your ability… isn't just like _my_ ability… it's like _anyone's_ ability."

She nodded, the small smile playing on her lips reminiscent of a pleased kindergarten teacher. "I can harness anyone's ability if I get close enough to them. I just didn't know that until later…"

"But whose ability were you using that night?"

Sash simply shook her head, indicating that it wasn't something she was going to share with me today, and continued where she had left off.

"After I told her about what had happened, Roxelana told me that she had found my biological vampire father. Apparently he was a Scandinavian vampire with a penchant for Arabic girls. He had been periodically impregnating girls in the Middle East for years and Roxelana finally had him tracked to Denmark.

"When she told me, I instantly knew that I needed to find him and use my newfound ability to destroy him so I could end the suffering he had inflicted upon so many lives. Roxelana begged me not to go alone, to take Sarila and Jihangir with me for back up, since I didn't know exactly what my new capabilities entailed yet. I knew that she wouldn't let me go otherwise, so I told her I'd take them with me, knowing full well that I planned to ditch them along the way. It was something that I had to do for myself.

"The first night we settled in to sleep, I crept away and traveled to Denmark on my own. I found Erik, my _father_," she spat out the word, "near Copenhagen, exactly where Roxelana said he would be. He lurked the back alleys, killing prostitutes he knew no one would notice disappear. Even for a vampire, he was evil scum. I found him about to attack one of the poor girls one night…"

_Erik abruptly released the squirming girl from his grasp when he saw Sashmara. The girl ran screaming into the night, clearly grateful to still be alive._

"_You made me lose my dinner," he complained in Danish, though his accent was distinctly Swedish._

_Sashmara growled threateningly in reply._

"_Such an angry kitty… I bet I know exactly what would cheer you up." He looked her up and down lecherously, his lip curling upwards in the most repulsive way._

_With a vicious snarl, Sash flew at him, utilizing his utter shock to catch him off guard and pin him to the ground. He didn't stay down for long, though, before pushing her off him and into a pile of discarded bricks which crumbled beneath the impact._

_Sashmara sprang back up and charged at Erik with all her might, but stopped mid-stride when the pile of bricks she had landed on came flying past her, pummeling him violently, but redundantly turning to dust against his granite skin._

_Erik's eyes grew wide, first in surprise, then in momentary fear. The mysterious flying bricks and sudden impact only deterred him for an instant. An evil sneer stretched across his harsh, pale face. Sashmara stifled an involuntary shudder. Erik raised his arms suddenly and she didn't even have a moment to think before he swung them down and a sharp spike from one of the city's peaked roofs came rocketing towards her._

_It was too late to run, so she instinctively held her hands in front of her face, bracing herself for the impact._

_But it never came._

_She hesitantly peeked through her fingers and was stunned to see the thick metal spike suspended in thin air before her very eyes._

_It took a moment, but eventually she realized that she and Erik were somehow controlling the flying objects between them._

_Experimentally, she concentrated very hard on attempting to push the spike back toward Erik, whose face was starting to contort into the strangest expression of exertion. The more Sash pushed with her mind, the more infuriated Erik became._

_After a full minute in which the spike didn't move more than the occasional quiver, Erik threw his hands in the air and cried out in rage. The spike hurtled toward him and screeched to a halt against his unyielding chest. His momentary lapse in concentration afforded Sash the opportunity she needed to gain the upper hand._

_It all happened in no more than a second: She summoned all her mental strength and focused her hatred for Erik on the large fountain in the middle of the deserted courtyard, just beyond the alley they were currently facing off in. She heard a rumbling and felt the cobbles vibrate quietly beneath her feet. With a giant mental heave, the top tier stone fountain flew through the air and came crashing down on an unsuspecting Erik._

_She ran forward without hesitation and pulled a few large pieces of rock aside before Erik's traumatized face became visible between the rubble._

"_What _are _you?" His voice was barely a frightened whisper._

"_I'm your half-breed spawn," Sashmara spat back mockingly. "Aren't you proud of me, Daddy?"_

_The horrifying realization dawned on Erik and he attempted to struggle but Sash was too fast for him. She grabbed his jaw roughly and pierced her finger before he knew what she was doing. Her crimson blood dripped mercilessly into his forcibly-opened mouth._

The memory started to fade as the now-familiar cracks started to appear on his face.

"After that, I just broke down and cried. I thought revenge would be satisfying. It wasn't. It couldn't bring Kahraman back to me."

Every time she thought of him, his sparkling blue eyes would flash into her mind involuntarily. It was a painful sight to behold, finally knowing the meaning behind it.

"I returned home from Denmark at once. Quite frankly, I needed my mother. When I got back to Istanbul, the entire palace was in turmoil. Sarila and Jihangir were dead. The cover story was that they had died of scarlet fever. I knew better than that, of course, and set out to find my mother immediately. She was sobbing hysterically in her chambers, completely devastated. My brother and sister had encountered a pair of vampires after I had left them and foolishly tried to take them on themselves. One of them tried to drink Sarila's blood and died on the spot. The other one got scared and… and ripped both their heads off and set them on fire.

"It was unbelievably horrifying and Roxelana was completely grief-stricken. I thought she was going to blame me for leaving them, but for some reason she couldn't find it in herself to be angry at me. She had always had the closest bond with me out of all of the children. Probably because I was her "first born" and female. This infuriated Bayezid. He wanted Roxelana to blame me, punish me, banish me… _anything_ except turn to me for comfort. His jealousy started to get aggressive and he'd fight with Roxelana and me constantly. It all finally culminated when Bayezid snuck into her sleeping chambers one night and did the unthinkable. He suffocated her in her sleep."

"He _killed_ her?" I gasped in shock. The thought that a child could murder their parent, even if it was only an adoptive parent, was appalling.

"Worse than that," Sash replied. "When he cut off her oxygen supply, the venom that was present in her system from her vampire half started to take over as a defense mechanism. She transitioned into a fully fledged, newborn vampire."

"W-what?" I stammered. "That's…" I couldn't find the words to fully describe my shock and horror at this revelation.

"It was the absolute cruelest thing he could do to her… and to me."

"_Nastia, my beautiful daughter. You must promise ana something."_

"_Anything, ana, of course."_

"_If anything… bad ever happens to me. If my eyes become red, like the vampires that I've told you of, you must prick your finger with your sharp little teeth and feed ana a drop of your blood. It will make me all better. Do you understand, my darling?"_

"_Yes, ana. I don't want you to be sick like the vampires."_

"No!" I hissed as the pieces all started to come together in my mind.

Sashmara merely nodded, a single teardrop sliding down her cheek.

"You… you…?"

"I had to," she whispered.

I pulled her to me wordlessly, wrapping my arms around her, attempting to offer what little consolation I could to this girl who had lost everyone she had loved within the first ten years of her life.

After a few minutes, her trembling body and mind settled, and she pulled away. With a sigh, she turned towards me.

"You have to understand, Edward, this is very difficult for me."

"I know," I said automatically. "Having to … Your own mother…"

Her head cocked in confusion. "No, Edward. I mean, yes, that was terrible. But _this," _she vaguely motioned to the space between us, "_this_ is hard."

"Opening up?" I searched her mind, but only found her frustration that I wasn't getting the point.

"Good _grief_, Edward! You're just not getting it. I had the courage to kill my own my mother because she was a vampire. I loved her immensely, but I did my duty. And you…"

Then I got it. I was a vampire. I was one of the monsters she had spent her life hunting and destroying.

She nodded. "I have never shown mercy, Edward. Never… until you."

"What does that mean?"

Empty eyes threatened tears. "I don't know, Edward. I just don't know. You're unlike anything I've ever encountered."

"That makes two of us."

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**A/N: **And so, the plot thickens.

Roxelana was really Sultan Suleyman the Magnificent's wife. I'm not sure whether she was a hybrid, though… Read the Wikipedia entry for more of her fascinating history.

The term "djinli kizlari" roughly translated means "the girls with djin". In Islam, the djin is a supernatural creature who could either be good or evil. In this case, people believed the girls had been impregnated by an evil djin.

"Anacigim" is a Turkish term for "mommy".

"Ana" is a Turkish term for "mother".

Hopeful Wager is to thank for her rich insights and translating skills.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

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****Important Note**

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**

**It is with great sadness that I have to share with you that I'll be putting Fix You on hiatus for a couple of months. It is still my intention to finish this story, as it is very close to my heart and I've been carrying it around in my head for a year now. I just don't have a sufficient amount of time to research and write the story in the way it deserves right now.**

**I have a big qualifying exam coming up, and that coupled with my job which has become increasingly demanding, has forced me to refocus my priorities. I hope to still be able to write here and there, but I won't be able to commit fully to anything for a while.**

**I hope you won't abandon me in the meantime, but probably wouldn't blame you if you did ;) Thank you very much for standing by this story and sharing your thoughts with me. Your reviews constantly made me squee!**

**Love and Snuggles**

**Dahlia**


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